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Issue with DD key worker - AIBU or is she

29 replies

Yonionekanobe · 29/05/2013 20:10

I've name changed as my usual nn gives away my location etc.

I've run into an issue with my DD's nursery key worker and would really value some perspective.

DD is two and has been at the same nursery since she was six months. We have been very happy on the whole. There have been no issues in two years until now.

Her key worker has been at the nursery the whole time DD has been there and we get on very well. She is, however, clearly very unhappy in her job and over recent weeks comments have been increasingly negative. Last week I was getting DD ready to leave and DD was asking for a snack for the buggy. The keyworker told her off for whining and said 'I will tell you off properly tomorrow when mummy isn't here'. Now I am sure it was meant in jest but I was quite shocked.

The cumulative negative comments and the last quip to DD promptede to have a quick word with the nursery manager. I did so in the context that I was concerned about the keyworker and we are not overly worried about DD but I thought the comment about telling her off properly when I wasn't around was not on.

Today I picked up DD. The manager had left for the day, and DD's key worker approached me and said 'I know why you said - it isn't true'. She got quite aggressive (she is generally feisty) and I asked her if she was accusing me of lying about the comment (I was quite calm, I don't like confrontation and not a shouter). She said no, but kept saying I'd made it up [confused{

OP posts:

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 29/05/2013 20:13

YANBU at all. That is deeply unprofessional not to mention worrying. I would write down exactly what she said and go in tomorrow and explain to the manager that you are no longer happy with this woman being Dds keyworker....tell her why, hand over the letter and say she must be removed from care of DD.


Yonionekanobe · 29/05/2013 20:14

Oops - clearly failed to namechanged and posted too soon!

As all this was in front of DD so I asked that we discuss it another time and with the manager there.

Anyway - upshot is I now feel in a very difficult position about leaving DD in nursery. I don't want to escalate the issue further for fear of causing more animosity but equally don't want to leave this hanging.

Any advice? And was I unreasonable to speak to the manager in the first place.

OP posts:

frissonpink · 29/05/2013 20:14

Move her. I couldn't put up with someone like that around my child.

SHE is being unreasonable. You know this though.


hobnobsaremyfavourite · 29/05/2013 20:14

I would make a formak complaint.


NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 29/05/2013 20:15

I agree that moving her is best in the long run but what about immediate care?


SeaweedAndSandDunes · 29/05/2013 20:17

Personally, YANBU, and it was a silly comment, but working in a nursery can be a stressful job, and after a hard day/a lot of winging I can see why a comment like that would come out.
She most likely meant it as a joke, but it came out wrong. I would talk to her rather than the manager, she probably got a huge bollocking which personally I don't think will improve her mood/care of the children (wrongly so, but can't be helped that someone in a bad mood isn't great company!)

I have seen similar situations with colleagues at work, and usually it is much better resolved by talking to the parent.


NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 29/05/2013 20:19

Seaweed if it were ONE comment then fine but it was not one....and OP says she was aggressive. that's not a comment which "came out wrong" at all.


LynetteScavo · 29/05/2013 20:21

I wen't through something similar with DD's key worker. The only reason I didn't take her out was because she only had 4 more weeks at the nursery, and I had to work. I hoped DD's key worker wouldn't take my complaints out on DD, but on DD's last day at nursery, the key worker completely blanked DD when she said "Goodbye" for the last time.

You were not unreasonable to speak to the manager. You would not be u reasonable to find another nursery.


DontmindifIdo · 29/05/2013 20:22

Move her. Tell the nursery manager why.


dribbleface · 29/05/2013 20:24

Wow, she needs disciplining for confronting you like that. Speak to manager again. I manage a nursery and if she worked for me her feet wouldn't touch the ground.


SeaweedAndSandDunes · 29/05/2013 20:25

Neo, I know there could be a problem, but equally I have seen how some things get blown out of proportion from working at a nursery.
The negative attitude could be down to things completely unrelated to work making her in a bad mood, and the comment could just be a tired fed up end of day comment that came out wrong.
The fact that she has been happy with this staff member until now makes me think it's not a huge issue. And the angry reaction could be due to the amount of stress she has had from disciplinaries from the manager.


Groovee · 29/05/2013 20:27

I'd be calling the nursery manager and arranging a meeting right away. She's obviously been pulled up and isn't happy. She sounds like she needs taught how to speak to parents and what is and is not appropriate.

Some people just shouldn't be in nursery!


dribbleface · 29/05/2013 20:28

Seaweed she is a professional, no way can excuses be made. I think if its obvious she is unhappy the manager should have intervened earlier.


Yonionekanobe · 29/05/2013 20:32

If she is under stress from under disciplinaries then I would hope she would have learnt by now! But I do take your point seaweed, thank you.

I'm really struggling as taking her out isn't an option. We have eight weeks notice for one and can't really afford to lose the deposit, pay two lots of fees etc. and a break from work is also not possible. Really tough.

I don't think she would take it out directly on DD, but the tension at the end of each day when I pick up would be tough and possibly something DD would sense.

OP posts:

squiddle · 29/05/2013 20:33

That's astonishing - yanbu!! Call the manager first thing and say you do not want her being dd's key worker - and say you want a guarantee that the conflict will not impact on your dd's care. Never once did a nursery worker say anything negative to me or my dds in five years.


dribbleface · 29/05/2013 20:36

Agree about changing keyperson.

A good manager will sort it all out so you do not need to move nurseries.


Yonionekanobe · 29/05/2013 20:39

My fear is the manager is quite inexperienced. As DH said, my name/DD's should not really have been mentioned to the key worker at all.

OP posts:

dribbleface · 29/05/2013 20:42

To be honest it would have been obvious to the staff member especially if the comment had to be challenged. Is it a new manager then, as you said your dd had been there since 6mths.


thebody · 29/05/2013 20:43

When I was a cm I went through some very tough times.

However from door open to door closed I was professional, warm and kind.

Children and parents deserve no less.

There is no place for 'moods' or comments like this around children.


dribbleface · 29/05/2013 20:45

Well said thebody, that's exactly it.


Yonionekanobe · 29/05/2013 20:45

Yes - the third since she joined. The first was wonderful. The second very good too but quiet, which is fine, but it get the impression she found the role challenging and has gone back to being a group leader. It is too early to see how the new manager will be overall, but you're right dribbleface the keyworker would have known the source - although given she 'never said it' and I've made the whole thing up for my entertainment...!

OP posts:

dribbleface · 29/05/2013 20:47

3 managers, that's a lot. Maybe that's what's making her miserable?! Not an excuse though! Speak to the manager, if you get nowhere is the owner hands on? Is it a chain?


Thesebootsweremadeforwalking · 29/05/2013 20:50

YANBU. Complain to manager again and ask for a change of keyworker. If you have to change nursery over this, write to Ofsted.

I am soooo lucky to have DS in a fabulous nursery, but I hear stories like yours from too many mums about other nurseries TBH. Nothing will change without parents really making their voices heard.


Yonionekanobe · 29/05/2013 21:01

I'd have said the same a week ago boots Sad

It is a small chain and I have met the owner only once - she prefers to stay behind the scenes. Oh goodness the alarm bells should have been peeling, shouldn't they!?

OP posts:

WhiteBirdBlueSky · 29/05/2013 21:04

Wow. That's terrible. Your complaint should have been met with nothing but an apology and reassurances.

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