To feel that MIL and grandMIL are trying to undermine me

[ginting]

Both my MIL and grandMIL are continuously asking how long I plan to continue with breastfeeding and my MIL and partner have even started telling me that it's time to start giving DD solids - she is 5 weeks old! They both formula fed their children and I think they think that because my BF daughter eats so regularly I don't have enough milk or something.

Everything my daughter does I'm told is a family trait (their family, obviously not mine) again, she is 5 weeks old!

I've also specifically said that I don't like the colour pink and don't want to dress my daughter in pink, but MIL has bought DD so many pink clothes that it's actually hard to find anything in her wardrobe that isn't! Also the amount of said clothes that mention daddy is absurd. I would never put my daughter in something that says 'mummy loves me' I am not that vain!

I'm I being unreasonable to be stupidly annoyed with all this and unable to just brush it off?

see less of them and discretely hand pink items over to the charity shop

My Mum has been on at me to wean my son for months. He's 5 months old. I think it's just what they do.

It's really hard, especially at 5 weeks to just brush it off but try to. I just ignore my Mum, take the piss out of her or ask her what difference it makes to her.

You're not unreasonable at all. They are. Get your partner to support you.

Smile sweetly and take no notice, my grand mil told me breastfeeding was 'the worst part of being a mum' and my mil said she could never get a bond with her granddaughter unless she could bottle feed her. I ignored both and saw as little as possible of them. Oh and mil buys hideous clothes for all of my lil ones and all go straight to friends or charity shops.

Carry on doing what suits you and dd and ignore their comments.

If they continue to be a pain in the arse remind them [with a smile of course] what current recommendations are and their advice, while well meant, is irrelevant and old fashioned.

Don't dress your dd in anything you don't like and she'll soon be too big for them.

Captain has it right.
Their weaning focus is very out of date. I'm sure they're trying to be helpful, rather than actively wanting to undermine you, but by seeming to be authorities on it, they are indeed making you feel undermined.
You're the mammy. If you need to, you can just say that in your head over and over and block out their nonsense, "I'm the mammy" - it might at least make you laugh and take them less seriously.
Hope they improve!

YANBU about the BF. they're wrong, smile and nod then completely ignore them. It won't be forever.

YAB a bit U about the pink clothes- a lot of baby girl clothes are pink and they have been given as gifts. You don't have to use them all the time but you sound a bit churlish. Just let her wear pink when you see MIL and co, dress her in your choice the rest of the time.

However YANBU to want to have a whinge on here, that's fine

No yanbu in my opinion. Although I would never say anything. I had similar when I had my first dd from my Dmil (of doom). I just grumbled into my tea.

Things my mil said was that I had a 'lazy' baby when I went 2 weeks overdue. I told her my dm, gdm and dsis all went roughly 2 weeks overdue so I was half expecting it. She just virtually shouted that she was 2 weeks early with her ds's each time and its her grandchild so carries her genes. Riiiight.

I also rammed all the frilly dresses she bought into the wardrobe for a 'special' occasion and oops, dd had grown out of them so quickly. Shame. I ebayed them.

Also, I have no newborn pics of myself with dd as all the photos are off her and daddy, dd and grandma, dd and grandpa. It's like I didn't exist.

Dd is now 8. A raging tomboy, very bright and unusual. Dmil just doesn't 'get' her so she ignores her a lot of the time. Things have calmed down a lot.

I won't go into what she said when I was expecting ds!

(I hope to god you have a boy because all girls are bitches and it'll be horrible for DH to live in a house of girls)

I pointed out my dad grew up in a house of women everywhere and he said he loved it. Her answer "He lied"

Cow.

Ah they'll give up with the "when are you going to stop breastfeeding" comments when she is 2, you're still breastfeeding, and pregnant with #2 (well mine did!)

Re the pink - well you can choose not to dress her in pink and give the clothes to a women's refuge or charity shop? Or do what I did and only dress her in pink when you've run out of other clothes!

I think you need to say something about them wanting to wean her at 5 weeks! Maybe print out some information from the internet and give it to them explaining that you won't be giving any solids until six months (or whenever you plan to do it) because it's healthier for the baby.

Or you could say 'every time I get asked how long I am going to breastfeed for I add another month! At the moment I am planning to keep going until (insert time here)'.

With the pink and I love daddy stuff I would just take it and then give it away, or even take it back tot he shop and exchange.

Oh God. the competitive madness that overtakes some paternal mothers when a baby is born. Come from a deep insecurity in lots of cases.

I hope I'm not like that!!!

Many women do not "get" breastfeeding if they didn't do it themselves.

Smile and grit your teeth would be my advice. Can you laugh about it a bit with your DP/DH? That used to help me when my MIL was being weird

One word - Dylon !
As to the breast feeding advice that's plain ridiculous. Just say 'I've had different advice from my midwife and health visitor and I'm sticking with current best practice. Thanks for being interested though!' (Bright smile)

YANBU to find it hard to brush off by the way. I think there is some primitive mother lion thing between daughters in law and MIL, unless the MIL is really really tactful (which yours is not)

Smile and nod and try not to worry about it too much. If they mention breastfeeding tell them clealy that you are going to do what suits you.

Repeat, repeat and repeat.

They do sound irritating and overbaring but, hopefully, they are not being malicious.
My (lovely) MIL kept saying how much my DCs take after her family in both looks and temperament. It was as though my family didnt exist. however, I know she wasn't saying it to be mean. She was just an overly gushy granny. The really, really irritating thing is that my kids do seem to have got their looks and personalities largely from my DH's side .

I am a big believer in only taking offence when offence is meant

.....I am not saying I wouldn't be a bit irritated though

IKnow

yes, it was quite hurtful when mine were small to be told (and it was true) that they looked only like my DHs side.

My DH deals with my MIL, I nod and smile!

Most recent incident was quiet funny.

MIL: so when are you going to start giving our DS cow's milk?
Me: a year.
MIL: that's a long time to wait, what will he drink until then???
DH: breastmilk.
MIL: don't be silly, eek will be stopping breastfeeding soon.
Me: looking busy in kitchen
DH: the current guidelines are a minimum of two years. hard stare
MIL: long silence, grossed out face well the longest I did it was 9 months.

This from the woman who, when I was pregnant, asked DH to have a word with me to make sure I breastfeed because it's best for baby.

My MIL started off by telling me my ds didn't look anything like my dh so couldn't be his, then about 5 minutes later started all this 'Oh thats a (last name) trait' 'he used to do that when he was a baby' 'our genes must be stronger I see so much (last name) in him' after a particularly big poo (from ds, not me) I just said 'Oh look he is full of shit, that must be a (last name) trait too' and did a really fake laugh. We didn't get on before that, even less so after my comment

To be honest, if they are like that now then you are better off letting the whole clothes thing slide, they will stick their oar in somehow so you are better to indulge them in something that doesn't overly bother you, and you can control to an extent, than making them find ways to be sneaky about it. The rest of it just smile and nod and give a vague answer, they will get bored if you just keep saying you don't know or 'we'll see'.

Smile and nod....
Or say what mu friend did... "i'll continue to bfeed as long as she wants to, if that's when she's 16 then so be it"...

Dye packs for the pink clothes if they are getting to you.

Try and ignore the rest. Though that is dependent on them not having the DC by themselves and doing what they think best - thinks of MIL feeding pfb a food type she knew she was allergic too and stopping her trying to wean said DC when she thought best .

Just try to ignore them. Not worth getting upset about.

With regards to the clothes what is your DHs view on them? and what do you think will happen if you child does wear something pink?

Throw out the clothes you don't like, just buy your own for her.

re breast feeding - I would turn it into a compliment on her so "Yes MIL, it's so great that I'm able to breast feed DC, and DH is so supportive of me, he really gets the health benefits to DC. You must be proud of him, he's such a supportive husband and a great dad, he really wants to put DC first."

for weaning just keep saying things like "well the current advise is wait until 6 months, they think the rise in bowel problems in your generation is due to early weaning, I'd hate to do anything that could harm DC later in life when I don't need to."

Plus, see them less, and only with DH in tow, with clear instructions to tell his mother and Gran to shut it.

Is there a market for little t shirts that say

"My mummy ignores everything granny says"

lashings

I have been there OP. My PIL hated me breast feeding. I heard all the comments like "how will she bond with Daddy?" " how can you tell if baby is full? There is no gauge on your boobs!" "Isn't it time you weaned her?" " Is she not too old now she has teeth?!"
I just said she bonds with daddy when he changes her bum, bathes her, cuddles her...
I know she is full because she stops feeding, you know like all babies do, even bottle fed.
No, I will wean her on to food when she is over 6months thanks.
No, she is 4 months old, she doesn't bite so we shall carry on until we decide to stop.
I stopped breastfeeding when DD was 2 years old.
Then I had DS and the comments started again. So I bought a t-shirt from the lactivist website with a cow on and something about mummy milk. And smiled as MIL read the slogan on DS's tummy... the comments stopped not long after that, and me pointing out that DH and DD have a fabulous bond despite her being breastfed, so why would DS be any different?
I had 19 blissful months of no comments about the feeding, and stopped when DS wanted to, at 2 years and 6 months.

Stay strong and just ignore if you can!

Ditch the clothes if you want to. Dye them if you like the style but hate the colour. There is zero reason to appease anybody by saving stuff for visits. It is ridiculous and makes the gift giver think they can continue to ignore your wishes.

Next time she spouts crap tell her to shut up, and that the next time she tries it she'll be told to fuck off.