To feel that MIL and grandMIL are trying to undermine me

[ginting]

Both my MIL and grandMIL are continuously asking how long I plan to continue with breastfeeding and my MIL and partner have even started telling me that it's time to start giving DD solids - she is 5 weeks old! They both formula fed their children and I think they think that because my BF daughter eats so regularly I don't have enough milk or something.

Everything my daughter does I'm told is a family trait (their family, obviously not mine) again, she is 5 weeks old!

I've also specifically said that I don't like the colour pink and don't want to dress my daughter in pink, but MIL has bought DD so many pink clothes that it's actually hard to find anything in her wardrobe that isn't! Also the amount of said clothes that mention daddy is absurd. I would never put my daughter in something that says 'mummy loves me' I am not that vain!

I'm I being unreasonable to be stupidly annoyed with all this and unable to just brush it off?

my MIL used to stand over me when I was BF and tell me DS wasn't getting enough milk. She practically cheered when I told her had to give up because of drugs for PND. I have never forgiven her for this and though outwardly pleasant I just ignore everything she says. Not a solution but I hope that when my time comes I won't be so insensitive because the only one loosing out is her.

Yep I had the t shirts too, Mine would go to PILS and come back in them, " my Daddy's Princess" and " I love Daddy" and " Daddy's" girl.

She deliberate held back the ones saying Mummy's Girl etc, because after a few months we would get them when she had outgrown them.

We also have the traits and looks of only one side and its really hard because DD1 is the spit of her dad......

My MIL always made strange comments when I was bf, "He needs feeding again? But it hasn't been four hours?! " They once babysit and were left with bottles of expressed breast milk. On our return DS was bawling his eyes out with FIL trying to distract him......hadn't wanted to feed him because it wasn't four hours since the last feed! Four hours, four hours, that's all I ever heard!

" I dont want to discuss it" repeat repeat repeat .

You need this

www.lactivist.co.uk/milk-from-my-mum-not-from-just-any-old-cow-long-s-org-1218mth-p-120.html

or this

www.lactivist.co.uk/ill-wean-when-im-ready-short-sleeve-organic-36mths-p-89.html

And the pink clothes - anything anyone gives you as a gift, is a gift. It is yours. You get to do what you like with it. Ebay, charity shop, box under the bed ...

Thirty years ago my xh's brother's MIL told me I was 'sick and disgusting' for BF my then just 2 yo DS. Really?

My reply was pretty blunt so we never saw them again.

pigs was it Fuck right off ?

I love the breast feeding bingo mug Bertha
DH and I have some fabulous Daily Mail Bingo competitions at my DP !

I think my MIL was convinced I was going to starve DS by EBF, she relaxed when he got to the chubby 3-month stage. Advice was different when she fed her own, which is probably why so many mums couldn't keep BF going.... Practice saying things like, "these days the experts tell you to [insert appropriate phrase here]".

Or just tell them to mind their own business, depending on how keen you are on upsetting/ not upsetting them .

Regarding the pink stuff - eBay is your friend.

My MIL constantly claims that anything my DD does well is a trait she got from her side of the family. I always reply by saying 'shes brilliant isnt she? Definitely the best thing I have ever made' and smiling. To be honest, my MIL does it in a jokey way but I think my retort would work even if it wasnt.
As for breastfeeding and solids, just say that you are following the guidelines given to you by your HV so nothing will change until she is at least 6 months old. If they try and protest just say that it isnt up for discussion and then get your partner to have a discreet word. My MIL is lovely, but, at times, I found comments that she made hard to hear because it felt like I was being undermined. It was the same with my own mum to be honest. Both mum and MIL breastfed their babies and went on and on about how brilliant it was when I was pregnant. Then when dd was born and I started to struggle with BF I felt like the pair of them pressured me to switch to formula very quickly I was diagnosed with Primary Lactation Failure and ended up having to FF anyway and the pair of them loved it because they could then feed her. Both of them would offer to warm the milk for me and then return with the bottle and take DD from me, telling me it would 'give me a break'. I said something in the end because I found it a bit much. Both of them were completely fine and recognised that they were being over zealous grandparents.
With the pink, try not to worry, we were inundated with pink when DD was first born but as she has grown people have started to buy a wider variety of colours. My MIL was particularly fond of pink but she commented the other day about how my DD actually looks odd in a dress because she is such a tomboy in her ways. They tend to buy her blues and purples now. I Enjoy your new baby x

My GM was all at the fact I was waiting until ds2 was 6mo to wean. Even my mum was that now he's 6mo I'm still bfing, because she have up at 6mo so that's 'the right time. I just quote the WHO guidelines of 2 years and tell them I'll be carrying on as long as me and DS are both happy.

You could always be all dramatic and next time they start going on about solids have an attack of the vapours and start mumbling about how you think solid food at that age is child abuse and you could never never leave your child with anybody who would do this.

And to the bf comments first of all just say that's a matter for me not you then after that just yell "fuck off" if they carry on.

You could also point out to them that when their babies were born the recommendation was to introduce solids at 3 months, that's 12 weeks, so why on earth are they making comments about it at 5 weeks? Or just say "Really?" and looked amazed at their stupidity and carry on as you are.

my son is 21mths and i still bf as better for him better for me hes just not ready to give up yet, we also still sleep in the same room, and refuse to shout at him a million times for doing toddler things (obviously he does have boundries), i take him swimming when its cold outside, went down the baby led weaning route, have stayed off work and not put him into nursery and do not advocate smacking. These are just a few things i am doing wrong according to MIL.
I have found that saying nothing generally works better than a row and just have faith in yourself. You know whats right for you and DD trust yourself and your instincts and ignore the silly old bags they may mean well but you know better!

I handled very similar issues with MIL by smiling, nodding, giving vague answers to irritating questions and doing what I and DH thought was best. DS is 19 months now and things have calmed down massively although I always smile when extended members of DH's family say DS looks like both of us in front of MIL

Stay to strong, OP. All you have to do to reassure yourself is look at your happy, healthy baby! Why oh why do middle-aged women so often think that the way in which they did things is the only way? My barmy MIL is a retired midwife so the "advice" is never-ending! Currently getting a lot of shit about "spoiling" DD (10mo) by refusing to leave her crying when she gets upset!

Oh dear. Smile away. I used to say I would stop when they are 18. It usually killed any additional non sense. Still does and youngest is 21 months.

Do not let them babysit until your DC is really ready for solids. Choking is a real hazard for babies.

Also, in the event that they are two lovely ladies desperate to help but going the wrong way about it, I would give the pointers, eg:

• oh you make such a fabulous XYZ dish, do you think you could bake us one?
• the first weeks are so tiring are they not, mums used to stay ten days in hospital before. D you think you could help with the ironing while I rest?

Etc.

all reason and sense seems to leave alot of MILS and grandMILS when GC come along, it doesnt matter what is good for the baby, as long as they get the baby.

ignore it but dont let it get too out of hand or it will ramp up.