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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is not the right way to potty train?

44 replies

SquirrelNuts · 28/05/2013 23:07

'D'P has taken away DS gup (octonauts toy) today because when he came home from work he had wet his pants. He told him off and asked him to chose which one of his gups he should put on top of his wardrobe.
DS is being a nightmare for toilet training but I think taking toys away is the wrong way to deal with it! We've had a big argument about it (amongst other things) and I've got his toy down for him.
Also any tips on getting a 3.10 DS to use the toilet?!

OP posts:
CatHackney · 29/05/2013 00:41

Sounds like DP's attitude is the problem, stressing out your DS.

mrswoz · 29/05/2013 00:48

When you say, being a nightmare, can you give some more info about it, like what stage you are at?

There came a stage with my DD that I had to use persuasion, to get her on the toilet, but it was positive persuasion (something nice, like extra stories and ten mins extra time at the park) rather than taking things away.

Original poster
SquirrelNuts · 29/05/2013 00:59

He will rarely go to the toilet at nursery he's only asked a hand ful of times. I've tried bribery small chocolates bought him some bubbles when he'd had a good day asking. I've left him in pants but I always end up with pee on my sofa/carpet so went back to pull ups. I'm out of ideas really

OP posts:
TokenGirl1 · 29/05/2013 01:43

My LO at 3.6 was very potty resistant until we bought a cbeebies mag with Mr Tumbles spotty bag on and someone gave me an amazing idea.

We called it Mr Tumbles Spotty Potty bag and we filled it with irresistible toys in that she really wanted to play with. e.g. bubbles, whistles, pen and paper, stickers, freebies that came with the cbeebies mag etc

The rule was that she could only play with the Spotty Potty bag when she was sat on the potty and it put a stop to the resistance almost straight away.

It still took 3 months to potty train her and so please take heart, for all the stories you hear of toddlers potty training in a few days, there will always be some that take much, much longer.

My dsil suggested we tell off. I tried it once and realised straight away that it was counter productive.

Good luck x

LuisGarcia · 29/05/2013 01:46

Mr Tumbles Spotty Potty Bag

Yoink, stealing this brilliant idea.

BoffinMum · 29/05/2013 03:53

I used to put special books by the potty for entertainment, but Mr Tumble bag sounds ace.

MaMattoo · 29/05/2013 06:12

Yanbu. Why bother the toddler even more! Encouragement is key. Saying you are sad that DC did a wee on carpet should be enough...no?
Mine goes and sits and does his job when taken to the toilet. Talks nonstop but never asks for the toilet!! By the clock being taken...he us too busy playing and always says no when asked if he needs to go - is nearly 3 now!!

fairylightsinthespring · 29/05/2013 06:56

As others have said it depends a bit on what exactly the problem is. DS is 3.9 and been training for the best part of a year now. He is 90% there but will, out of sheer "can't be botheredness" sometimes still poo or wet his pants and then we do get cross with him because we know he can do it. This might result in TV off or no biscuit or something. Obviously positive encouragment is the most important thing but sometimes that just runs into a brick wall. We have tried EVERYTHING in the way of incentives and rewards and it has just taken this long. He starts school in Sept and we'd like him to be closer to 99% by then. I think the most important thing actually is that you and your DH agree on a strategy or your DS will get mixed messages. If your DH wasn't around when the wet pants happened, its not up to him to impose a sanction hours later.

Original poster
SquirrelNuts · 29/05/2013 10:12

I do like the Mr tumbles spotty potty bag idea! Will keep trying! I think the telling him off has made him worse he doesn't even tell us when he's wet himself now he sits in it Sad

OP posts:
MrsMelons · 29/05/2013 10:19

I got very stressed when I potty trained by DCs, it was awful and I hated myself for it (it upsets me even now looking back). I made a very concious effort to sort myself out and not tell them off at all and once I mastered that, they mastered the potty training.

MrsMelons · 29/05/2013 10:22

BTW if they are 3 1/2 or closer to 4 maybe small punishments like fairy suggests depending on the reasons but if they are younger I think you will just have to give it time.

I think it is hard to give tips and all children vary hugely with this. It took 3-4 weeks with both mine (they still weren't 100% but we could manage going out anywhere with only the odd accident) and they were just turned 2, my niece was over 3 and it took much longer. My friends DD was only 18 months and she did it in a half term (she was a teacher so only had a week off), she was completely dry/clean with no accidents at all after that.

MrsMelons · 29/05/2013 10:23

sorry just seen you said 3.10, thought it said 3.1.

QuietNinjaTardis · 29/05/2013 10:24

Your dp will end up Giving your ds problems. Ds is nearly 3.6 and still not potty trained (still in nappies as no idea when he does a Wee) if we told him off for not being trained we'd just end p with a very upset confused little boy. Your dp needs to back off and stop punishing accidents.

flanbase · 29/05/2013 10:24

you need a lucky dip box of small presents. You show your ds this and tell him everytime he does a wee/poo on the loo he can have a dip for a pressie. The gifts are small things but exactly what he likes - print out some octonaut pages, crayons, chalk, lego pieces - all the things he'll use straight away. Show him the box and put it out of reach but in sight. You must be uninterested in him going on the loo and do other things. You have to be calm. He'll see the box and wonder what's in it. It gives the reason to get over the no aspect of going on the loo. Once he's been on the loo you really congratulate and say wonder what you'll get next time. Really works. The key is you not appearing interested or bothered on him going on the loo and the box in sight but out of reach.

QuietNinjaTardis · 29/05/2013 10:27

Is your ds even ready? Is he wetting cos he is too busy to go to the potty or does he just not realise when he does a wee? If its the latter then definitely shouldn't be punished.

MrsMelons · 29/05/2013 10:34

Also maybe a chart where he can earn stickers and a certain number of wees each day mean he gets a reward. You can make one or there are ones you can buy.

This means there is no need for punishment at all and he just doesn't get a sticker if he wets himself.

jamdonut · 29/05/2013 10:44

I don't have an answer,really,just sympathy.

When my youngest DS was 3.6 we went to the school's open mornings before he started nursery there. They said they really needed them potty /toilet trained by the time they started (so,within 4 weeks!) I was terrified he was going to start in pull-ups,because he just didn't show any interest.

I spent the Christmas holidays making a really concerted effort and lo and behold, just in time, it happened!! That is not to say there weren't a couple of accidents at nursery(but they accept that), but he was able to take himself off to the toilet without any bother 99% of the time.

We never looked back after that.

OctopusPete8 · 29/05/2013 10:47

My nearly 4 year old still wont toilet train some people say punish n others are like, 'he will when he's ready' arrgh!

Original poster
SquirrelNuts · 29/05/2013 11:00

He's just too busy to bother going I think, he does know when he needs to go because he occasionally asks, which is the annoying part! Glad I'm not the only one having trouble though! He's not starting school till January so I've got a bit of extra time to get him on that toilet
The trouble with rewards when I was giving him a Mr men chocolate for using the toilet he'd do a tiny bit get a chocolate and go back and do a bit more! So maybe a reward chart with stickers then lucky dip box/bag would be a good idea.

OP posts:
Gullygirl · 29/05/2013 11:02

If you are using disposable nappies,the child does not feel the discomfort of bring wet.I put my two DS into pants during the day, ( not pull up nappies)and had a potty in the toilet,hall and living room,plastic underneath.Lot's of praise for sitting in the potty,and for going in it.If they wet their pants, I would leave them for 5 minutes or so, then help them clean up and get changed. I would say something mild,like we'll try to sit in the potty next time.Perhaps I was lucky,but both were dry in about six weeks.

Gullygirl · 29/05/2013 11:03

I should add,VU to punish while potty training.

MTBMummy · 29/05/2013 11:13

We stuck DD's potty in front of the telly, and said if she sat on it and tried to wee she could watch telly - she was keen keen to spend a lot of time sitting on the potty :-)

We also encouraged her to "read" books about potty training while sitting on the potty - have some great photos which will be used for future embarrassment

Flobbadobs · 29/05/2013 11:36

The nursery staff can help by taking him to the toilet at regular intervals. This is what we used to do where I worked, basically a group trip to the loo for all potty trainers with a mass hand washing session and a sticker chart. It generally worked very well.
At home maybe look at a toilet seat with a smaller seat attached? Some children just don't like potties or want to be just like their parents.
Punishing him will only set him back further. YANBU.

Original poster
SquirrelNuts · 29/05/2013 12:01

I bought him a Disney cars toilet seat to put on the toilet because he's too big for a potty now but he was convinced he was going to fall down the hole!
If I put him in pants and he wets them he changes them himself and puts them in the bin.
He's got a new key worker after half term thank god she has said she'll crack the toilet training when he goes back so hopefully i'll get somewhere when nursery are helping too.
I'm wondering whether to get DD 13 months a potty and sit her on it next to DS on the toilet she takes her own clothes off and nappy if she can get to it when she's wet, she hates it! Hopefully she'll be easier!

OP posts:
jammiedonut · 29/05/2013 12:12

My sister has a fantastic method (by that I mean no tears, few accidents and a very happy toddler), completely dependent on positive reinforcement. If he uses the toilet he gets a sticker to put on a chart (a laminated picture he had drawn himself). We are all aware of this reward system so buy special stickers as part of presents etc and always ask to see his chart (of which he is very proud), but he is never threatened with having them taking away if he has an accident. He just doesnt get one, but it's not mentioned, so it's always 'well done have a sticker' not ' you've been naughty you can't have one'. He's 2 years 3 months old, and potty training has been a breeze for sis since she realised half the stress was coming from punishing and battling with someone who may simply be young enough to not always 1) recognise the urge to go in time and 2) have an appropriate way of communicating said urge.

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