To think that this is not the right way to potty train?

[SquirrelNuts]

'D'P has taken away DS gup (octonauts toy) today because when he came home from work he had wet his pants. He told him off and asked him to chose which one of his gups he should put on top of his wardrobe.
DS is being a nightmare for toilet training but I think taking toys away is the wrong way to deal with it! We've had a big argument about it (amongst other things) and I've got his toy down for him.
Also any tips on getting a 3.10 DS to use the toilet?!

Punishment of any form will only set you ds back further. I really don't get all the stress surrounding potty training on here. Actually I don't really believe in training at all.

Op, there is a book called potty training boys available from most libraries. Please get a hold of a copy and get your dh to read it too. It's basically a stress free approach to toilet training. The basic principle being that the child has to be physically ready.

Goes a bit like this:
Me: ds, would you like to try no nappy today?
Ds: no
Me: ok, maybe tomorrow
And so on until they decide that yes they would like to try that.
Ok, that's simplifying it obviously but there really is no need for this to be a stressful experience for anyone.
Always makes me laugh when I see the 'we're starting potty training on x day' threads, I just think ok, good luck with that.

Meant to add, as ds was the one who decided when he was ready as opposed to me deciding, he was more or less dry day and night from day 1.

Acceptable: I totally believe in your approach, but my faith is being tested more and more each month that goes by and DS says no to no nappies (DS is now nearly 3.8). If he is naked he can recognise the need and go for a wee, pretty much all of the time, but if he's got any bottoms on (won't accept pants yet), he will wee himself 95% of the time within an hour.

If he is naked he will ask for a nappy within an hour, if not immediately. Also, always for poos. He knows when he is doing one and will hide. I ask him every time whether he is doing a poo and whether he'd like to go on the potty for it, and the answer is always a "no". He also doesn't particularly like the toilet/is slightly scared of the height.

Poo goes to Poo-land type stories and books about the loo/potties elicit no interest from him. He also doesn't care about little cheap pressies. I could try a star gathering chart for a bigger present he really wants. But how many stars should he get before he gets a big (£20) pressie, because he is likely to do a only tiny dribble at a time to gather loads of them.

We used the talking potty made by Fisher Price. It praised dd every time she wee'd or pooed with a sensor that was built in. She loved the singing every time she wee'd in it and was potty trained in a week.

Fakebook: I think DS would just try and elicit response from the talking potty without weeing in it - and after you've heard you've gone a "great job" or whatever for sticking your foot in it or pouring your drink in it, the response is pretty devalued..

Might work better for very young less devious DC, though..

Facebook I'm going to try one of those for DD think she'd love it, not sure DS would be overly impressed though!
ToysRLuv your DS sounds a lot like mine. My mum always said boys are harder to potty train that girls

That does sound trying ToysRLuv. It does'nt sound like he's quite ready. They're all different and will all get there in the end but I understand the anxiety as they get older, I really wanted ds out of nappies before he started pre-school , as it happened he was 3.2 when he decided he was ready, same age he started pre-school.
They do have to be physically ready, something to with the nerve cells in the bladder sending messages to the brain, so there are physical reasons why some children might take a bit longer though sometimes it can be physcological.
I should add that I talked to ds about using the potty, being a big boy now etc as well as reading story books on the subject for quite a long time before even suggesting going without a nappy so I suppose he was physcologically ready before he was physically ready iyswim. But as with anything, what works for one child may not work for another.
Good luck.

3.10 is pretty late to be still potty training. Perhaps your dh is worried and so getting frustrated and angry. Could you ask your HV or GP for help?

Or if he goes to pre school they might have some tips or ways of supporting ds.

acceptable I think you way you describe is just one way of potty training. Deciding on a date and going for it also works for lots of people with not too much hassle.

It depends if you want to have children out of nappies at around 2 YO so you have to 'train' them or have at least another year of nappies until they decide they want to. Its just personal preference IMO.

Often pre-schools can be really helpful as the children like to copy the other children in their group, I was heavily involved in a pre-school and there were very few in the 'pre' school year in nappies and we found they came out of nappies very quickly after starting as they wanted their independence.

I think we have finally cracked it at just turned 4 so there is hope. We introduced it summer 2011 and at first Ds2 was very good and got it straight away. Until one day he decided he couldn't be bothered anymore and would just wet or poo his pants instead . We tried ignoring accidents, star charts, poo goes to poo land, praise and finally getting cross when everything else failed to produce results.

I started by using something he loves - trains, and told him for everyday he kept his pants clean and dry he would move Thomas up a reward chart. There are 10 spaces on the chart so first time round we had smaller incentives at certain points e.g. at number 6 he got a Thomas magazine ( something we don't buy usually). when he reaches 10 we give him a Thomas train and loads if praise and tell him how proud we are.

We also had to introduce immediate rewards for poos because he was quite reluctant to do them and started holding and getting constipation. The immediate reward (chocolate - which he loves but didn't often get) resolved the holding issues. He is 100% reliable for poo and 95% reliable for wee. Now we are going to stretch the rewards out and eventually fade them.

I tried with DS a couple of times after he was three and he just wasn't bothered. We had a big trip planned for his 4th Birthday, long plane flight then lots of being out (Disney) so decided to wait until after he came back.

During the flight and on holiday he was fascinated with the loos so asked to go to the loo (to poo) we were away for 4 weeks and didnt have a dirty nappy.... I thought I would leave it a few weeks but he started to use the loo all the time.. He was 'trained' in a matter of a week and I am convinced that is because it was in his time.

The only problem as such is the constant nagging by others Mum as to just when he was going to be trained

MrsMelons: Peer pressure doesn't work for everyone. DS for one doesn't give a monkey's about what others do if it's something he doesn't want to do.

Absolutely and that was the point I was making in the first part of my post - all children/parents are different when it comes to potty training.

Often it helps with peer pressure (in a nice way) but sometimes it doesn't, the staff at our pre-school never made a fuss if a child wasn't potty trained at whatever age as sometimes there were specific reasons also.

Toys, I agree. Dd was not at all inquisitive about things. I told her weeing will make the sound and she believed me. Ds will be a different story. He's 16 months and has already broken blinds and other things in the house that dd just wouldn't have climbed onto to break.

Squirrel, I get told that a lot too about boys being harder to train. I'm hoping its one of those things that turn out to be bollocks. Judging by the way ds is, it just might be true though.

My LO would happily sit in wet pants and still not tell us
she was wet. I guess that this is what some of them are like.

One year on, she is still in night time nappies and often has to be persuaded to go to the toilet. I took heart the other day though as I saw a mother having to persuade her child who looked about 8 to go to the toilet, so I assume that this is what some kids are like and it's not just ours being difficult.

My youngest is the opposite and loves to sit on the loo! They're all different and that's what makes them special.

My sister and I always used to let dc let us know when they were ready. Sisters eldest dd wasn't fully trained until she was 4 1/2 but she is a slow developer but it was a very quick and smooth lesson, now her 3yr old has followed the same lesson. She went from using a potty to deciding she wanted to use the toilet like everyone else and especially likes my bathroom and will often go when she arrives at mine. I'm a firm believer that when your child is ready they will do so.

The only thing I worry about is being potty trained before school starts (luckily we have still got nearly one and a half years). I don't want DS to be bullied, because he "smells of poo" or whatever. A bit of peer shaming could be the nudge he needs for starting on the toilet, but knowing what kids are like, once you are labelled the smelly one, you'll always be it (in that school anyway).. And it's around that age that I would like him to start swimming lessos, and I doubt they'd let him in the pool in swimnappies (if there is a 5 year old size for those) at that age (without it being SN).