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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

what a shame its not a boy!

76 replies

TheEndTisHere · 28/05/2013 18:36

I have two DD and I'm pregnant with DD3. My midwife is on holiday so saw her replacement. A very rushed check of baby as she's listening to heart beat she asks if I know what sex baby is I smile and say a girl and then "what a shame its not a boy" I said I wanted a girl and was perfectly happy if not more happy its a girl she followed this up with "well I'm sure your DH would have liked a boy" no I think you'll find my DH is more than capable of having his nails painted!

What is wrong with having 3DD will people assume we only have 3DD because we kept trying for a boy? This is the second professional make out its a bad thing. Its also the look on the faces you can just tell people feel bad for us. I don't really care what people think but would like some very quick to the point replies to people who have the nerve to think my DD's are worth less than a DS.

OP posts:

LastOrdersAtTheBra · 28/05/2013 21:38

The first time I left the house with DS2 a neighbour said something along the lines of 'oh well, better luck next time'. I always believed those sort of comments were some kind of old wives tale before that! I just stood there looking and with my gorgeous newborn.

Love my DSs, can't imagine having a DD now, although I'm sure I'd have been just as pleased if one had come along, but DS2 just completes our family perfectly.

sjuperyoni · 28/05/2013 21:44

I had dd then ds and was told 'that'll be me done' we accidentally fell with dd2 around ds 1st birthday and have mentioned in passing having one more dc once the babies are at school.

My aunt had 3 boys and coveted dsis and i but she was always happy to send us back my mum had 2 dds and would not have coped with a ds at all - she is outdoorsy and sporty blah blah all the 'right stuff' according to gender biased idiots some people - but she readily admits the emotional aspect of raising boys especially as a single parent she just would not have managed.

gemini1999 · 28/05/2013 21:45

My DH was so pleased when had our dd2 because he would never have to go to football.

dd2 plays striker for two teams,Saturday and Sunday. Plus tournaments and training

EarlGreyTeabag · 28/05/2013 21:48

I'll never forgot the smug, so-called "friend" who said to me in all seriousness, just after the birth of my third, much wanted, DS:

"Oh never mind, you can have a girl next time!"

I wanted to deck her

She, of course, was the mother of the "perfect" family - a boy & a girl...

SpanishFly · 28/05/2013 21:56

YABU for being "more happy it's a girl".
Boys are awesome.

roofio87 · 28/05/2013 22:04

I'm the youngest of 3 girls and my dad has always loved it. people have bizarre ideas that men want a boy and women want a girl. or that you'd definitely want at least one of each. some us just want healthy happy babies!!

MogTheForgetfulCat · 28/05/2013 22:26

People can be idiots. I have had this a bit (3 DSs, delighted with each of them, wasn't trying for a girl just for another child ). As it was a midwife, I think I'd have had to say something. I had DS3 after 2 m/cs, and could not have given a flying one about his genitalia - was just so delighted to be having no.3 after what felt like a long time and a lot of heartache.

People probably will assume that you've been trying for a boy - but that's because, as I said, people can be idiots. Congratulations on DD3 .

5madthings · 28/05/2013 22:30

Oh i hate these commemts , we have dour lovely boys, planned on dour children and were very happy. Then I fell pref with no 5 (actually my 7th preg as I have had two miscarriages) we assume baby would be a boy and had a name picked out etc. Baby no 5 was a girl, she is a delight, but a 5th boy would have been just as delightful.

Booboostoo · 28/05/2013 22:47

A stupid personal view and completely inappropriate to express it in a professional context. She should know better.

I was in a taxi 37 weeks pregnant and the taxi driver asked the sex, when I said 'girl', he said 'never mind you can have another one'!

theoldtrout01876 · 28/05/2013 23:02

I had 2 boys,got they whole trying for a girl thing when I was pregnant with Dd1 ( unplanned pregnancy). Had my baby and had to listen to everyone going on about having a girl at last and how thrilled I must be.

Got pregnant again,10 years later :o. I soooo wanted another boy cos Dd1,bless her little cotton socks, was much much much harder work than both my boys put together ( still is actually ) The female doctor asked at my scan asked if I wanted to know the sex and after me saying I hope its another boy said. " OOOh no you dont want any penises in there surely"

My response was Id obviously had one in the general vicinity relatively recently or I wouldnt be there would I. She just looked at me funny,told me it was a girl and left the room :o

allinatizz · 28/05/2013 23:08

After DD2 was born, a neighbour asked me if we would "try again"
Good luck with everything, OP.

TheHerringScreams · 28/05/2013 23:12

I have a DD1 and a DD2 and a DS. I recently mentioned that I and DH were trying to have another child. 'Why? You have a boy now, why do you want more?' Because having two genders was the only reason I had three DC

waterlego6064 · 28/05/2013 23:53

LOL @ theoldtrout :)

We have two children, one DD and one DS, both lovely and loved, and would be whatever sex they were. After DC2 was born, we got a lot of 'oh, how lovely, a pigeon pair!' (whatever the feck that means) and, very oddly: 'oh, you clever thing!' Errrrr...clever?! Yes, because you have to be clever to randomly fall pregnant with a girl and then a boy.

My Dad is one of 8 and he is the only male. People always assume he's the youngest and was the 'long-awaited' boy, but he was in fact the 5th child. My grandparents just loved having children :)

AdoraBell · 29/05/2013 00:04

To be honest, my delvelish streak loves it when people make these kind of comments. I repeatedly ask them to explain exactly what they mean and every explanation gets a , but why do you think that?, and it's just so much fun to watch them squirm.

candyandyoga · 29/05/2013 00:04

The only thing that matters really is that baby is ok but I do think some people of just all boys or just all girls 'protest too much' about not wanting the other gender to what they have. And many many men do want a boy... It's true

MyBaby1day · 29/05/2013 04:24

It doesn't matter which way round it is, people just assume that if you have 2 DDs or DSs you'll want the opposite, try and not take it to heart sweetie!. Last summer we were sat out (we being me and my Mum) with a neighbour, I'm an only child but we got on the subject of if my Mum had had another child. And this neighbour said "a boy would have been nice wouldn't it? [then looking at me], to go with her" and he smiled like he was envisioning it. Absolutely no bad intentions from him AT ALL, but it's more proof that it's just common belief people want one of each and also assume you do too. I'm guilty of it myself but would never dream of saying what this midwife said btw!, not in a million years, I'm very tactful. But you're at a vulnerable time and it was wrong. Anyway a HUGE Congrats!! , another little girl to add to your family!!. x

lisianthus · 29/05/2013 05:59

Well, candyandyoga, you would protest if people came out with offensive rubbish about your family, wouldn't you? It's NOT protesting that would be weird (and a little bit sad, as it would imply you are disappointed with your children). I'm not going to just agree with everything every loon says to me.

And many, many man are not sexist idiots and love being fathers to daughters.

sparkleshine · 29/05/2013 06:55

My ex's gran was one of 9 girls, her and her sister being the youngest twins. Apparently when born and for the following few weeks after, he wouldn't touch or have anything to do with them due to the disappointment of them being girls. They did have a boy before she became pregnant with twins, but he died. I can't help thinking I would be secretly gutted as well.
I have 1 DS and I completely adore him and if I was to ever have another baby, actually have no desire for a girl.

My friend has 2 older DD and just had DS 6 wks ago and has this a lot. She was completely overwhelmed with a boy and nappy changes etc but is obviously overjoyed. She says to these people that actually she would have preferred a girl and is planning to do a straight swap with another like minded parent of said girl. Shuts them up.

keelyboo · 29/05/2013 07:15

I think no matter what you get comments, my worst was after having ds after 2 girls someone (i didnt know a friend of my sisters" sent me a pm on facebook just saying "third time lucky hey" i sent back "did you really mean to be so insulting"
ignore and then ignore some more

Nodney · 29/05/2013 07:42

I'm pregnant with my third DS, all 3 conceived through IVF. I couldn't be happier, but have had lovely comments like "going to try again for your girl?", "never mind, they're all special" and "how will you cope with 3 boys?!"

Sometimes I just think people don't know what to say and fire off a thoughtless comment. But sometimes I want to tell them that I'm just so grateful to finally be a mum I couldn't care less what they are - and with no more frozen embryos left, this is my family!

iamadoozermum · 29/05/2013 07:58

We've got 3DS and now a DD. We'd assumed DC4 would be a boy so had a shock when sonographer said baby was a girl. But we constantly get told that we can stop trying/now have a proper family "now you've got your girl". Thing is we were stopping with the 3 boys but got pregnant with a coil so we weren't trying at all! DH gets very defensive on behalf of the DS as he feels it suggests that we weren't happy with DS2 or 3.

Now we get asked how different we are finding it having a girl. Well at the moment, she's only 4 months so, umm, no different at all? I hate the fact that any personality differences are put down to her gender rather than the fact she's a different person.

DewDr0p · 29/05/2013 08:17

V unprofessional of your mw OP!

Shocking as it may seem to some, I just really enjoy my dcs for who they are.

I was at toddler group chatting to someone, conversation went like this "oh are they all yours?... You've got your hands full... Were you trying for a girl?... Of course we were lucky having one of each..."

Breathtakingly rude!

I learned to get in early with an "aren't I lucky?" Comment - I didn't want the dcs to hear anyone saying negative things about them.

SlowJinn · 29/05/2013 10:38

I remember going in to the maternity ward several years ago, to visit a friend who had just delivered her third daughter - and meeting her husband on the way out. His comment "another sodding girl, she knew I wanted a son" took me aback.

The couple went on to have a 4th child, because of his desire for a son, and had a 4th daughter. The marriage stumbled on for a bit then crashed and burned. He remarried, and had another daughter, so did she, and had a son.

AllegraLilac · 29/05/2013 11:21

SlowJinn What a horrific man!

MiaowTheCat · 29/05/2013 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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