to consider going full-time?

[cheekymonk]

Hi all, have posted here as I know there are usually more responses! Dh and I are in grim financial situation. he works fulltime, earns 32k. I do 30 hours per week and earn 17k. We are in an IVA but this ends in Sept 2013. This will free up a very much needed £230 per month. We get child benefits but no tax credits. Our childcare bill is quite big. Cm is £375 per month and nursery is £260 per month. We have DD who is 2 and DS who is 8. Mortgage is £839 and crippling. It is an NRAM mortgage, house was recently valued at £130K , but we bought house at £119k but got a secured loan so mortgage was £141K. Have been here 7 years now and no chance of being able to upgrade/move due to IVA and our terrible credit rating/no money for deposit/no equity. We struggle month to month, last 2 months dh and I pawning our wedding rings for food as we have no back up of credit card or overdraft. we have used payday loans in past but got totally sucked into it and have paid the price.
SO, I have been thinking of going full-time, plenty of women do it but am worried about the impact on the family, someone else giving them tea, seeing them so little and finding time for quality time rather than chores. We have had such a lovely bank holiday, the thought of being away from them more saddens me but if working more meant we could have more nice days I would do it. Lack of money affects the kids, always having to add up what is in trolley, going to the bloody park nearly every weekend. they don't really go without, I know it could be worse but there is such a lot of guilt attached. Would you go full-time in my position?
I do love my job...

We filed bankruptcy and someone we know heard about it and decided it was the perfect answer to their problems, too.

DH and I have turned our lives around. The other person saw it as a 'get out of jail free' card and is no different now to how they were then. Constantly dodging debts and taking out more financial commitments

I agree you need to do something drastic. You don't seem to recognise that nearly running out of nappies and milk is your fault. You are not living the pages of Angela's Ashes need to pawn things to buy food, you are just making bad decisions on a daily basis. You entered into an IVA for shockingly little debt given your income. You will be bankrupt soon if you don't really make changes.

I'm probably sounding very harsh, but really if you can't see what the problem is someone needs to help you. Go back to the CAB and see if they can help you with debt counselling, as someone suggested earlier.

I agree with the others - you aren't living like your short of money, and so you really need to rethink how you spend your money.

We choose to put everything on the credit card, gain the airmiles, and then clear in full each month (not recommended unless your anal about paying in full on time). Typically we spend £1000/month. So thats what I imaging your housekeeping/travel/other covers - so about the same - and I'm not trying to cut back.

The first things which would go would be sky (thats what freeview is for), KFC, takeways, that 1/10 meals you don't take a packed lunch, lunch out after swimming.
What do you mean by pre paid theme park tickets? £20 frittering, and travel to get there was an expensive day out - and what did you eat? Another meal out?

£160 on a shop? What did you buy? There are some £30/week meal plans floating round, and lots of £50/week.

Is there any way DH could adjust his hours so he could do the morning school run? Then you can pick up in the afternoon, as you finish early enough. That would remove the term time childcare for your oldest. How are you going to manage the 6 weeks summer holidays?

I am amazed - we have almost exactly the same income, and although our mortgage is £300 smaller, our other bills are the same.

However - we manage to save £600 per month between us to go on capital repayments to further reduce our mortgage each year. Next year will be different as I wont be earning (£15,000) as I will be on maternity leave - but we have calculated that we can cope just fine on DP's wages.

I do think you really need to rethink the little day to day spends that add up. And cancel Sky. :(

Hi OP
We have withdrawn your post with personal details on it
Perhaps if needed you can repost - saw that it was C&P from elsewhere
Thanks

yes work ft.ignore the precious moments crew,ickle moments doesn't fill fridge/pay bill

Just to say that IVA is for £34K worth of debt not listed here. Dh and I have lived beyond our means FOY YEARS. I know running out of milk is our fault, I just struggle to understand how it happens. On paper our budget looks ok!
Earlier question asked about our energy- we are with Scottish power. I bought theme park tickets with my bday money last month from my work because they do discounted offer. Was 20 miles away so cost that in petrol. we took a picnic but got chip shop on way home!
We re trying to get rid of term time childcare for oldest. Am already worried about the summer...
Rainbowsfriend I know I could never be that virtuous but I would love to save, just for things like holidays and xmas and emergencies.
Cancelling sky is going to affect my ds the most, he loves his Disney channels. Why punish him for our mistakes? I know though it is a sensible option.
Don't really understand what debt counselling is. Is it someone telling you how crap you are with money?

can't believe your dithering about working when so in debt?
debt counselling is a pragmatic plan to address spending,work out minimum payments etc
you need to look at the values you imbue your children with or they replicate your mistakes

You already work 30 hours, so it won't make much difference to work a bit more. I think it's a good idea if you're struggling. It's stressful being short of money.

Sorry for the hijack OP, but someone mentioned a £50 a week meal planner further up the thread (can't scroll back, sorry) - where would I find this as our food costs are crippling at the minute? Thank you

you need to write down every single thing you spend, for a month. I did this and it was horrifying! Just popping to the shop for a few things adds up - I was spending £100 a month on coffees, sandwiches at work, top up shops, soft play, all of that. It is so frightening.

sorry - £100 a week!

Have just signed up for a Christians against poverty money management course, have ordered Alvin hall's book too. I know its only 7 hours more a week but if cutting costs elsewhere can make us more comfortable then I would rather do that first. Going from 20 to 30 hours impacted the family heavily hence my 'dithering'

I can't work out where your money goes tbh!

We earn a bit more ( not huge number more) but... Rent is £1600 a month and childcare £2000.. We have plenty for meals out etc and wouldn't say we struggle.

If your mortgage is £800 and childcare £635 where is the rest going?

Cyril
Have a look at BoffinMum blog here

Or Rufus5 second post on this thread.

Well done. CAP are great, I've heard.

Freeview has plenty of children's programmes. It's not punishing your DS.

Turn it around - why should you use money that isn't yours to buy access to children's tv channels? Because that's what you're doing when you go into an unauthorised overdraft.

Hi it was me who asked about yOur energy provider OP. What size is your house? My bills are loads more in a three bed semi. Have banned the drier now except for emergencies, see if it makes a difference and being really careful.

Cut the sky. I cut David Lloyd membership and sky. Saved so much. I did exPlain to my DS we can't afford those but they were lovely weren't they. He was fine, we got cheap DVD and had a movie night on Fridays instead, popcorn, hot dog and juice with the curtains closed x

I'm sure the course and book will help. Is your partner on board with this?? x

we are £29 overdrawn which will be sorted tomorrow with my pay.
as for Dh, he seems to think a lot of it is my fault but I remember when I met him and I was a student and he was a sailor (I know!) he would get me to pay for a lot and I was relying on overdraft and parents then. He really doesn't have very much but can make random purchases (food mainly) that doesn't help the situation. I feel I have shouldered the worry of it more as he seems unfazed by the level of debt we are in and makes statements like I earn 32k which is a good wage, we are not going bankrupt etc but rarely comes up with solutions. it was me who went to CAB and sorted IVA. he has since helped with negotiating with the payday loan companies. He is better than me at doing things for free and entertaining the kids with nothing. He goes along with a lot really.

I think writing down EVERYTHING you spend is a really good idea.
My dh and I used to have a joint income similar to yours, although our mortgage was a fraction smaller, and we always felt fairly well off. We ran two cars, had a holiday each year and afforded small treats from time to time. However, we didn't have Sky TV, had a takeaway twice a year if that, always made ours and the kids (packed) lunches, and rarely bought new clothes for ourselves as we had plenty. If the kids needed new clothes, with the exception of shoes and underwear, we relied on Ebay. We thought of outings like a trip to a theme park and a takeaway as a very special occasional treat, not something we did on a whim, or because there was nothing else to do at a weekend. I guess I still have that mentality, and my kids might say I'm tight (!) but it does mean we have sufficient for our needs and are able to save etc.
I think you have to stop frittering money and think about every penny before you spend it. One of my friends used to withdraw £80 from the cashpoint outside the supermarket and then ensure she didn't overspend inside. It made her very aware of prices, and she had to make sure her shopping was within that figure. It might be worth considering, as you seem to spend a lot on housekeeping.

I'm honestly not having a dig, but can you see that if you hadn't gone to done 2 out of the 3 things you did at the weekend, you wouldn't have been overdrawn at all?

It's part of budgeting.

For instance, I know that we have money in a savings account. It looks good, we feel rich. However, we have just had the clutch and brake pads replaced on my car, which will cost £480. We've paid £150 and will pay the remaining £330 over 2 payments in June and July.

We've booked the (3) girls in to a gymnastics holiday club in the summer, which will cost £225.

We have to put up some new fencing to stop the dog harassing the chickens.

When we were talking about the fencing options, DH said 'we can do x, y, z.' My immediate response was 'Hold on, we've got £330 to pay the garage and £225 committed for August so that's £575 which will need to to out between now and August. We need to be careful with the fencing.'

It is as simple as that.

If I want to do something on the 21st of the month and DH doesn't get paid until the 30th of the month, then if the money isn't in the account, I don't do it.

You need to find an app for your phone that lets you track expenses easily. My DH has one, it makes it really easy because every time you spend a cent, you just whip out your phone and plug in the numbers into preset categories.

I think we are pretty frugal and it was still very surprising to see where some of our money was going.

Hi all, Just wanted to update as you were all so kind as to give advice. Well we have money left at this time of the month which is a first for 2-3 months! my wages went in 31st and normally by now we are spent out and relying on me getting a wage advance of £200 to get us through until child benefit shows up. This month however, we were much more careful last weekend, had a couple of picnics and no meals out. Did online shop with sainsburys, got £15 off and ordered loads of their basic range, was surprised at how much shopping there was. Have been working through Alvin halls book too and it would seem we have been spending £100 a month on eating out!! It soon adds up. CAp course is next week and I really feel that I am seeing that we HAVE been irresponsible for years. Thinking about how it has affected my family etc is upsetting but motivation for improving. Totally agree with the comments we have about the amount of money we have coming in should be more than enough. We really have been mismanaging it. We now have £134 to last us until the 18th which is do-able I think. It will be more in future months too when we have really sorted the budget. Thank you all once again for your comments. Its not an instant fix I know but we are on the right road now.

Glad to hear it. Facing up to it is horrible and distressing, BUT, the feeling is temporary and you will feel so proud when you get on top of it all properly.

Good luck!

Well done, that's a huge turn around

oh that's encouraging,well done.you've been a good sport,good things going well