Because I'm wondering if the default in anyone else's house is sometimes that you do much more with the DC than your DH does.
I should say that DH is a great day to our 18mo DD. He works shifts and at least 3 times a week looks after her for 3-5 hours before going off to do a long shift, and often only gets 6 hours sleep because of this. I have a much easier 9-5 job and generally get at least an hour or two of my own time every evening. The housework is shared pretty equally too. So often if we are both in all day (which doesn't happen that often) he will have time to himself while I have DD because he really doesn't get much time off during his working week, while I do.
However sometimes we get days like today where I don't think he has had any involvement with DD at all. He spent all morning doing chores, which was fine, and then we had friends around for a BBQ. But during the afternoon he didn't really have anything to do with the kids, I did all the food and naps etc. Then after our friends had gone he decided he wanted to go for a bike ride. I was a bit narked by this but he promised he would be home for bath time. However, bikes being bikes, something broke and he was late and I did bath time and bedtime. So all in all, I don't particularly think he had any involvement with DD at all.
I'm not saying is he a twat? because I do know this is just one day gone a bit wrong. But it's made me realise that if we are both in, I tend to end up doing more things for DD, and I'm wondering if other DH's can be like this?
AIBU?
to ask how much your DH does with the DCs if you are both around?
MaybeNotThen · 27/05/2013 20:04
DH does as much (if not more) than me.
He cooks the majority of the time , helps with bedtime and medical needs of dc.
I on the other hand do all most of the DIY type stuff.
Middle dc (5) when chatting over tea was discussing what she would do when she's married and cooking - indignant voice "I won't do that my dh will" 
might need to be seen in the kitchen a little bit more!
DH very good when asked (or when given the 
look) but a natural default would be 65 % me, 35 % him.
I'm VERY good at saying, "I'm going out for a ride, you've got the kids for the afternoon". Or "It's my turn to stay late at work tonight, you're on bath and bed". If I didn't assert my rights, he'd totally assume it was my job 90 % of the time. It's just an implicit, unsaid entitlement.
I think you're right about communication being key. We are pretty 50/50 but quite often one person will do more because the other has to do extra work or is sick or just a bit fed up after a long week of intense toddlerdom. But we try to be open about how we're feeling and give each other time whenever we can.
On a side note though, I'm a bit when people say oh give them time, they will be more interested in dad time when the kids are older and more fun. I mean, it's not like playing the cup game for an hour is interesting for anyone. But it's rarely the mums who get to check out of boring child phases for a couple years.
Sorry, rant over.
I don't get a look in if dh is around though i get ds to myself while dh is at work.
dh does bedtime every day as most days ita all he gets to see of ds so that's tgeir time and while i sort our tea (ds is only 5m so is going to bed at 7 and dh only gets home gone 6)
on his 2 days off dh generally takes over and I tend to use that time to get housework done. ds absolutely adores dh (and rightly so)
we make some time to go out as a family each week, we do shower before bed as a team (I shower with ds and dh dries and dresses ds, not me, I can dress myself
and we do story together as a family too.
works for us so far 
Prob. 60/40 at the mo. we have 2 dds under 5.
Although, dh works and I'm a SAHM. However at weekends we both do either cooking or childcare related stuff. I do know what you mean about not being fully there. Dh thinks being in the same room on his iPhone is the same as interacting with dd he also doesn't really chat to them that much.
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