AIBU to think my DDs don't need 2 dinners, even if they do extra curricular activities?

[GraduallyGoingInsane]

I'm really hurt and a bit worried. My friend (and she is normally a good friend not a cruel or vindictive one, hence me asking the MN jury) said she thinks my DDs are too skinny and I don't feed them enough.

The background...
My DDs all do between 2 and 4 hours of dance or gymnastics on 4 weeknights, plus another 3 hours dance on a Saturday morning. This is their choice - they love it, and I'm happy to support it as long as the school work is done.

Generally I pick them up from school (DD4) or the bus stop (elder 3) between 4 and 4.30. They then have training from 5 until 8ish.

My friend commented that my girls are 'too skinny' and she isn't surprised given that I only feed them one evening meal despite all the activity. We lift share to ballet, so she knows what my DDs get. She feeds her DD twice - a 'packed tea' of sandwiches, crisps etc and the a proper hot dinner after dance.

I've always thought that a light snack was more than enough and any more would probably make them a bit sick when dancing or tumbling. If my DDs ever ask for food or mention they are hungry then of course they are offered something, but they rarely say they are hungry.

They all eat cereal, juice and chopped banana in the morning before school except DD2 who claims it makes her sick to eat early. She takes a cereal bar/belvita biscuit and a piece of fruit on the bus, which isn't great but she's 14 and it's a battle I'm tired of.

They have school dinners, so I'm never 100% what they have eaten but its usually sandwiches, soup, quiches etc from what they say. They always take a bottle of water and a piece of fruit in their bags and a sugary snack (kitkat, flapjack, twix type thing).

In the car they always have a banana or an apple and a carton of juice or chocolate milk. They take water with them.

After dance or gym they have a good tea - roast chicken and veg, grilled fish and salad, pasta and sauce, lasagne, chilli, casseroles, chicken with rice etc etc.

They get treats at least once a week - pizza, ice cream, cake etc but its not a regular thing. They rarely say they're hungry, and both DD2 and to a lesser extent DD3 are reluctant eaters at the best of times.

Surely this is enough? They are skinny things, but that's how they've always been, they're small in height too. Both my family and DH's have always been short and skinny.

So, after a long post, my question is, do I need to feed them more?! If so, what?

Research shows that gymnasts start their periods late, have very low BMIs,etc. It also shows that the effects are reversed when the gymnast ' retires'.

Did the reaseachildren mention long term bone health ? (Disclaimer this is my job). My understanding is that the bone density is laid down in teenage years. Could your gymnasts catch this up ? I know anecdotally ballet dancers with very early onset osteoporosis.

Surely the only question is whether they are hungry or not?

If they say they're hungry, then give them more to eat. If they're not, then carry on as you are. But at 16, your eldest will be able to tell if she's hungry and let you know!

Fwiw, my dancing DDs at that age would have had what you're describing as two dinners. But it also depends on what they do for lunch - a school dinner would be different from a packed lunch, for my girls.

And also fwiw, there doesn't seem to a strong correlation between how much they eat and how much they weight ( I know there must be but I don't see it!). DD17 is officially underweight and being 'watched' by the nurse at school but she eats twice as much as her mid range weight sister.

No, it's about whether they say when they are hungry. Or acknowledge or recognise hunger when they feel it.

Dd is similar.

She dances and in her 4.15-7.15 night she takes a packed tea of sand which/wrap/pitta bread, banana and cereal bar with her to dance.

When she gets bank she is often hungry so has a round of toast or half a tin of soup. Not a full cooked tea.

Wishihadabs, I will try them with Greek yoghurt. My youngest eats yoghurt but the elder 3 are not keen. DD2 and DD3 eat Alphro Soya yoghurts though - I wonder if they have the same calcium benefits?

Polkadots, thank you. I will keep an eye and see if they need more as they get older. All 4 of them have a tendency to get cranky if they're unfed - we've noticed this if we've been out for the day and lunch has been late so I will definitely keep a look out. It's interesting that you said that DD1 might need more now she has her periods - I've made sure to up her iron intake since she started but I didn't really think of upping calories as a whole.

Twas, I'm reluctant to make GP appointments for the younger 3 just because of low weight, partly because they have always been that way, and partly because I don't want them to become self conscious. DD1 does get upset that she isn't 'developed' in the chest department when compared to her friends and hates being short. I don't want her or the younger ones feeling that being skinny is a problem.

Did the reaseachildren mention long term bone health ? (Disclaimer this is my job). My understanding is that the bone density is laid down in teenage years. Could your gymnasts catch this up ? I know anecdotally ballet dancers with very early onset osteoporosis.

I agree with you there -don't make appointments surely to have them weighed. It wouldn't help if they already have food issues and likely make them more self conscious! I was just replying to another poster who suggested they'd all been 'checked' by a Dr about weight.

I would however think being underweight is a problem, and that eating habits and attitudes to food are formed a lot in that period.

They are dancers and gymnasts - I take it from your post the eldest 3 are puberty age? Dancer and gymnasts often have delayed puberty so may just seem underweight as they are smaller than their peers. I bet their muscle mass is good though.

Food sound fine. Some children eat more than others.