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AIBU?

To think fuck off with your competitive parenting!

228 replies

HandbagCrab · 27/05/2013 11:41

Ds and I were looking at a bird in an enclosure at an animal centre. Ds can say duck for all birds but I was trying to see if I could get him to say bird too (he's 18 months). This woman spies us and brings her child and parks her buggy next to us so they are practically touching (there's lots of space so this was unnecessary).

She's all 'what colours can you see in the partridge's tail, Jocasta? (Jocasta names some colours) Very good, can you see any other colours too?' in a loud parenting voice.

I feel it's just another bloody example of competitive, constant comparison between dc and I'm so tired of it. I get people are insecure, but why should they get validation from my child because theirs can 'do' more than mine? I know it's not a big deal, but I find these little comparisons happening all the time and this is just the latest and most ridiculous of the lot.

I just walked away from partridge-worrying mum, what do you do with the competitive buggers?

OP posts:

Report

HandbagCrab · 27/05/2013 12:32

I can normally ignore this stuff but it's all the time ATM. Ds is big for his age so looks older but he doesn't walk unaided and cannot speak in sentences yet. I think he's doing fine and he seems perfectly happy but other people can't help but compare, compare, compare with other children that are younger and doing more. Partridge mum is bearing the brunt of my frustration which is probably undeserved.

OP posts:

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 27/05/2013 12:33

my dd is dc4. poor child :).
op if you are happy and confident in your parenting why does it bother you so much?

SirChenjin · 27/05/2013 12:34

Wait until you hit the school age - the competitive mothers get themselves worked into an absolute frenzy over reading levels

Fakebook · 27/05/2013 12:36

It seems like it annoyed you that Jocasta knew more colours than your ds. Why did this bother you so much? Are you a bit competitive?

dreamingbohemian · 27/05/2013 12:36

I have honestly never witnessed competitive parenting. Am I just being clueless?

I would probably have given her the benefit of the doubt. I don't see that she was doing anything so different than you.

Sparklingbrook · 27/05/2013 12:36

It does even out though. My two are now 11 and 13, and I am quite wistful for the competitive toddler milestones.

MorrisZapp · 27/05/2013 12:39

Bit shit to take the mickey out of a kids name, and out of where their parents shop. Or that their parents engage with them. I'd be more concerned about the many parents I see, often very loud, who ignore their kids, swear at them etc.

SoupDragon · 27/05/2013 12:40

God forbid people engage with their children.

dreamingbohemian · 27/05/2013 12:40

"other people can't help but compare, compare, compare"

But are they comparing nastily? I think sometimes people talk like this just as small talk, it's not meant to be competitive. If you really are experiencing so many nasty people, maybe change where you are hanging out or who you hang out with, it doesn't sound very normal.

I do sympathise, my DS is very big for his age and I'm sure plenty of people have thought at times that there was something wrong with him. But who cares? I know he's great

Sparklingbrook · 27/05/2013 12:41

Engage with your DC by all means but don't be an arse about it.

SirChenjin · 27/05/2013 12:44

There is a huge difference between engaging with your child and being loud and competitive and intense

SoupDragon · 27/05/2013 12:44

Or, don't be an arse about others engaging with their child. [shrug]

Sparklingbrook · 27/05/2013 12:46

True Soup, but I do think you can tell when it's being done just that little bit louder and for everyone elses's benefit.

RoomForASmallOne · 27/05/2013 12:46

There is a difference between loud parenting and Performance Parenting.

This mum was clearly PP'ing.

Showing off because she has an audience in the OP.

OP I sympathise

bluecarrot · 27/05/2013 12:46

I talked pretty non-stop to DD as a baby. I read my uni textbooks, talked about shopping list, colours, what I was doing etc. Probably in a sing-song voice - I cant remember. It stopped me being bored and was mostly mindless chat that kept her happy.

Now she talks non-stop to me. Its draining.

Sometimes its something that sounds very educated (woke up this am, rolls over and sleepily says "mum, did you know that they used to make boys smoke in Eton to help avoid the plague?") Right now shes talking total codswallop about some fantasy island she made up.

Next time? Ill do it again. I'm already talking to little bean and it cant even hear me yet.

SirChenjin · 27/05/2013 12:48

That's it RoomForASmallOne, Performance Parenting - I couldn't think what the term was, but that's exactly it!

DoctorRobert · 27/05/2013 12:50

eh?

you were trying to get your dc to say a new word, she was trying to get her dc to name some colours...

you were both engaging with your children, neither of you were doing anything wrong

however you have needed to start a thread about it. suggest the insecure parent here is you

SirChenjin · 27/05/2013 12:51

Suggest it isn't the OP who is the insecure parent

helenthemadex · 27/05/2013 12:52

My dd's are brilliant, gorgeous and obviously the cleverest kids ever quite bright, really chatty and love reading, and like to show me how well they can read by reading signs etc when we are out and about.

I am very aware of coming across as a competitive parent so compliment them but dont make a huge show of it. We were at the bus stop one day while staying with my parents when DD1 started reading signs on the bus stop all very good until she started reading the graffiti 'Josh likes big cocks' much to the amusement of everyone near us, I was mortified, thank god she thought it was something to do with chickens (only 7 and a lot of friends have small holdings!!)

Sparklingbrook · 27/05/2013 12:52

Me too Sir.

bluecarrot · 27/05/2013 12:53

Meant to add I dont think I did it to show off... Though I might have done a little as I felt judged because I was a young teen single parent.... Will ensure I dont do it this time

JerseySpud · 27/05/2013 12:53

I shop at waitrose and can't say ive seen competitive parenting. But i do look like a loon talking to DD2 whose 23 months around the shop. Mainly talking about what fruit and veg and crap to buy.

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chocoluvva · 27/05/2013 12:53

Goodness, you're getting a hard time over this HandbagCrab.

I think there's a huge difference between 'loud' parenting and taking the opportunity to make everyday activities educational. Talking loudly is bad manners as is putting the 'educational' needs of your child before the needs of the people around you ie giving them space and peace. It's not a very friendly way to behave is it?

Sometimes constant questioning like this can be counter productive anyway - the children get no time to just observe and enjoy. Or to spot things for themselves and make connections.

Poor Jocasta - stuck with a mum who uses the simple word 'What' incorrectly. It's a shame her mum doesn't know that saying, "Which colours can you see...?" is correct.

RoomForASmallOne · 27/05/2013 12:54

Sir I live in the wilds of West Ireland and we don't really go in for that sort of caper here

We have one lady who used to do it but the locals didn't get it so she stopped
I loved watching her in full flow!!

cory · 27/05/2013 12:56

Engaged parenting is what We do, Jocasta.

Loud parenting is what the Other Parents do.

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