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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be hacked off that dp spent £200 on 1D tickets

76 replies

holstenlips · 26/05/2013 11:46

For next year . We are barely scraping thru the week and we both work full time. In fact he gets lends off his mum all the time. Its seriously making me think twice about moving in with him. He bought 4 tickets...he has one dc..they are for dc friends apparently. Plonker.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 26/05/2013 20:29

It's the right decision, holstenlips, you know it is. I hope you have a nice time at your parents, and some headspace from all of this. Brew

Original poster
holstenlips · 26/05/2013 20:31

Thanks yes im ok. More relieved that I have avoided a tits up scenario where I move my kids and my life .

OP posts:
LineRunner · 26/05/2013 20:44

I do think you have make the right decision OP.

Original poster
holstenlips · 26/05/2013 20:50

Yep. Moving in would mean a new home school job for me and my kids...whereas he would be giving up / changing nothing.
Im actually feeling pretty relieved that I dont have to do this.

OP posts:
Original poster
holstenlips · 26/05/2013 20:51

And his mum was so cross that he tells her he needs money for mortgage..and doesnt pay it . Perhaps he will wake up now (doubt it)

OP posts:
LineRunner · 26/05/2013 20:53

You don't have to do anything, especially 'for love'.

I think you sound light a very bright spark, tbh. Good luck - you deserve it.

Fluffycloudland77 · 26/05/2013 21:10

His mums enabling him though.

You don't deserve to be his new surrogate mum now do you? You've already got children.

Snazzywaitingforsummer · 26/05/2013 21:17

Good decision. It would be too big a risk and you would very likely regret moving your kids' schools, your job etc all to end up paying someone else's mortgage (you wouldn't even be legally entitled to any of the house then either!) while he spent all his money on crap for himself.

Original poster
holstenlips · 26/05/2013 21:21

Precisely . My relationship history is not getting any better but at least im spotting the pitfalls prior to upheaving. My kids and I will survive..I can manage my own finances. Cheers :-)

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 26/05/2013 21:26

The fact that you feel relieved now you've made the decision to not move in; well really, that say it all!

HansieMom · 26/05/2013 21:29

I would not feed him. Not when your money is tight.

Donnadoon · 26/05/2013 21:32

Well done OP Thanks

Snazzywaitingforsummer · 26/05/2013 21:34

Onwards and upwards holsten! Flowers

Original poster
holstenlips · 26/05/2013 21:37

Thanks everyone . Flipping idiot.

OP posts:
Original poster
holstenlips · 26/05/2013 22:43

Final nail in coffin: I just said to him if I move in and he does this sort of stuff with money it will cause all sorts of arguments.
His answer: if I was living with him he would need me to stop him doing this sort of thing.
Errr NO. Im not your mum . Crikey.

OP posts:
Pobblewhohasnotoes · 26/05/2013 22:57

Well done OP.

It sounds like he can't and won't take any responsibility for himself. He expects his mum to do it, and he'll expect you to do it too.

Darkesteyes · 26/05/2013 23:03

Well done OP. I had an ex like this.
He said i would have to nag him to be careful with money.
When i said "I dont want to because it will become very wearing and i dont want to be turned into a nag"
His reply? Oh no Nag me I love it. I didnt move in with him either.
Youve done the right thing.

Snazzywaitingforsummer · 26/05/2013 23:24

Oh, great, so then when it happened it would be your fault for not stopping him doing it? You're well out of that.

Original poster
holstenlips · 26/05/2013 23:39

Exactly snazzy. Its just not happening. Apparently he called his mum after buying the 1d tickets and asked for another loan. Fgs.
I think its cheeky. My eyes are opening to the fact that as a lone parent of 2dc I work full time and he uses my home about 4 nights a week on average which means all my costs are up. I cook for us all. And his salary is twice mine.
He spends on an expensive hobby too.
His mum even said she had bought me and kids some chocolate did we enjoy it? You know what, he ate the lot and never even told me. Petty but still...why is he so entitled? His parents are paying for him to have a holiday this year and giving him money for loss of earnings too for the week. He wont learn if noone tells him no.
He said I was making him feel ashamed and guilty for wasting the money.

OP posts:
Bobyan · 27/05/2013 00:21

Run, run like the wind.

You want a partner not another child.

Loulybelle · 27/05/2013 00:37

You do realise if you moved in with him, it'd be you paying the mortgage instead, you'd have basically been a lodger he has sex with occasionally.

hermioneweasley · 27/05/2013 07:23

Well done OP for realising you are worth more than this.

LIZS · 27/05/2013 07:28

Well done op . He behaves like a spoilt child , not an adult on a decent wage. His mum may moan but he couldn't do this without her and even she may have hoped you'd be in line to take over.

Original poster
holstenlips · 27/05/2013 07:45

thanks yes his mum looked gutted when I said im not moving in. She wants someone to take care of her baby! The house needs a total overhaul too so I would have paid for that too im sure.
Happy to be staying put.

OP posts:
JakeBullet · 27/05/2013 07:52

You have made the right decision, my exH was like this and I didn't realise until too late. Wen we separated he basically defaulted on all loans etc and left me with the lot. It has taken YEARS to sort myself out financially. I will never get involved with someone like this again.

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