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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my niece off when others don't...

28 replies

SweetHoneyBeeeeee · 25/05/2013 19:28

She is 5 going on 6, been out for the day, had a lovely time and she has bought a new ball with pocket money given by me....been well behaved all day (bar the usual whining for toys /sweets /treats and not eating)... but approaching dinner time and tiredness kicks in...repeatedly hits her mum and dad as hard as she possibly can with the ball, in the body, limbs and head/face. Mum asks her not to do it several times to no avail. Niece then tees herself up to do it to me and I say 'Do it to me and I will take that ball off you and you won't have it back' cue Shock face from niece but behaviour stops. I said it completely calmly but can sort of see that it might come across as unreasonable...but then I didn't want to get hit full pelt in the face with the ball either and no one was doing anything effective to stop it. Feel a bit bad one though...

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 25/05/2013 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DiscoDonkey · 25/05/2013 19:41

Perfectly reasonable.

thezebrawearspurple · 25/05/2013 19:41

Of course you did the right thing, you have a right not to be hit with a ball and she needs to know that it is unacceptable behaviour which will have consequences if she does it to anyone other than her useless parents. The only ones who should be feeling bad are her parents who can't be arsed parenting her. Poor child, she needs people like you to teach her appropriate behaviour because those saps won't.

BackforGood · 25/05/2013 19:51

Of course YANBU. You are giving her boundaries, with clear consequences of what happens when they are crossed.
Shame her parents aren't Sad

Loulybelle · 25/05/2013 19:58

Yanbu, that is the mode of discipline i use on DD, and i use it on my Niece and Nephew, its a good way of setting boundaries.

CombineBananaFister · 25/05/2013 20:05

wth? If my Ds was gearing up to throw a ball in someones face I wouldn't be stood waiting for them to tell them not to do it., tired or not.

YANBU. Her parents were though.

youmeatsix · 25/05/2013 20:23

i dont think anyone will say "you were unreasonable you should have just let her hit you in the face with the ball"
her parents should have told her in the first instance, the sound a bit Confused allowing her to

IneedAyoniNickname · 25/05/2013 20:28

I told my nephew off for something similar when he was a toddler. I didn't shout, in fact was very similar to what op describes.
Sil was furious with me, said he was too young to be told, and 'its not like it hurts' Shock
Dn is 6now, and shall we say a handful!

lljkk · 25/05/2013 20:36

I am well soft and even I would end up snarling something like that. Totally yanbu.

Original poster
SweetHoneyBeeeeee · 25/05/2013 20:38

Oh good, glad to hear this is an ok thing to do. Her parents are going through a stressful time at the moment and seem to swing between snappiness at the smallest things and ignorance of stuff like that described above...easy for me to comment though as I don't have kids. I like to think that I would be ok with others disciplining mine in this way when I have them but I suppose perspectives change when you have your own...hence the request for outside opinions!

OP posts:
digerd · 25/05/2013 20:42

What you did was the right thing and just what your niece needed to learn that this behaviour was unacceptable.
Good for you.

MarcelineTheVampireQueen · 25/05/2013 20:45

I actually told my neighbours kid this the other day. He is a little younger than my son and gets away with murder!! He screams and shouts and pushes and hits his mam. His baby brother is doing the same, she wont correct him on it, she just makes excuses and laughs it off. She now has twin girls so I can imagine that it is easier to let him get away with it. Its fine for me with just the one!

He came out to play on wed, the weather was beautiful and we were outside the front playing. All the nighbourhood kids were out and about, a rare day. The neighbour kid came out and after two mins he said he wanted to go into mine and play video games with my son. I said nicely, no, it is such a nice day, we are staying out. I pointed out all the toys out the front and told him to play with anything.

He SCREAMED at the top of his voice. His mam said hush and he picked up a HURLEY and hit her with it. She was like 'oh he is over tired'. He then turned and raised the Hurley to ME!!! I knelt down and looked him in the eye and said, if you hit me or raise it to me again, you will not be welcome back to this house. TBH I dont think the mam was too happy but she came back with him today.

I would say it to anyone of my nieces or nephews in a heart beat, Im not here to be hit or kicked by anyone. On top of that, I have arthritis, it would fucking cripple me if I got a smack of a stick! If my child did this to someone else I would fully expect he be taken to task for it. YANBU- In fact well done, someone had to tell the kid!

Cailinsalach · 25/05/2013 21:28

My son keeps his hurley by the front door so I can beat off burglars.

(wanders off to find other threads with hurling....)

Finola1step · 25/05/2013 21:47

Spot on.

Goldenbear · 25/05/2013 21:47

I don't think you were being unreasonable but if they are having a 'hard time of it' at the moment then I can understand why, in the overall scheme of things, some behaviour is overlooked.

If I'm honest I find it irritating when other members of the family or friends tell my DC off as I feel it is highlighting my inability to look after my children. My DP's brother tells my DC off for things I don't have a problem with and this is often quite awkward.

Original poster
SweetHoneyBeeeeee · 25/05/2013 22:05

I have no idea what a hurley is...but if a small child were to attempt to assault me with a stick like object I am pretty sure my reaction would have been the same...sister seemed ok...so hopefully all good Grin

OP posts:
formica5 · 25/05/2013 22:14

well I would in the same situation. I wouldn't want to be hit either.

oscarwilde · 25/05/2013 22:25

It's like a hockey stick with the end flattened out. Made of ash, often with a metal band around the widest section to stop it splitting. Hurling is a trad Irish sport, it's a bit like hockey (theres a ball and people play it with sticks) but you hit the ball in the air and you can catch it in one hand and hit it onto the next player. its in the air far more often than along the ground.

apachepony · 25/05/2013 22:30

Bloody hell, what age was the boy with a Hurley? I would be raging if a child raised a stick to me! (Or an adult either!)

rhetorician · 25/05/2013 22:35

YANBU, I would hope that my dds aunts would do the same if she did this (she might, is 4 and 'spirited' despite endless boundaries, consequences etc), helpful to have message reinforced by others.

On hurling, I came up the road today to find neighbours kids (10, 5 and 20 months) all bashing a ball around with their hurleys. Very funny. The 20 month kid is very gifted!

Corygal · 25/05/2013 22:39

Well done OP.

MarcelineTheVampireQueen · 25/05/2013 22:46

Hurley child is 5!!

Cailinsalach

My son keeps his hurley by the front door so I can beat off burglars.

There is about 20 of them at my front door cos DS keeps growing out of them! Im not into the gaa myself but DP is an aul bogger and his family are well known in the local gaa so my poor DS had a hurley foisted on him at birth! I wouldnt know which end was which!

SilverSky · 25/05/2013 23:00

If they aren't going to step in and stop it then you do not have to sit there and allow yourself to be her next victim. They are actively enabling her awful behaviour. Sounds like she is crying out for attention from her parents and nothing usually gets attention like bad behaviour. Alas not even bad behaviour is helping her achieve her goal. All that will happen will be that her bad behaviour will keep escalating til she gets a reaction. Either that or her parents are the lazy type that let/expect other people to parent for them.

Smartiepants79 · 25/05/2013 23:10

I think you did the right thing and I would have done the same with anyone's child.
I don't really care if the parent doesn't have a problem with a behaviour, I do and I'm not not going to allow myself ( or my children for that matter ) be pt in the firing line.
My teaching background means I'm very used to disciplining other people's kids!
Violence is NEVER ok. It doesn't matter how tired or old they are.
Overlooking poor behaviour (whatever the reason) does no one any favours in the long term. Behaviour that is cute or amusing at age 2 is rarely cute and amusing at age 5.

Original poster
SweetHoneyBeeeeee · 25/05/2013 23:22

Hmmm...am soo glad at the universal acceptance of my behaviour as ok. Was feeling very conflicted in that I don't want to be an overbearing (childless) aunt but as the same time do not want to be hit in the face etc by my niece that I felt the need to speak up Sad I will continue to do so in the future now and feel a bit more empowered...if it was a random child I would have no reservation in telling them not to hit me, but I don't want to damage family relations so felt I needed to tread carefully and maybe hadn't done so

OP posts:
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