To tell my niece off when others don't...

[SweetHoneyBeeeeee]

She is 5 going on 6, been out for the day, had a lovely time and she has bought a new ball with pocket money given by me....been well behaved all day (bar the usual whining for toys /sweets /treats and not eating)... but approaching dinner time and tiredness kicks in...repeatedly hits her mum and dad as hard as she possibly can with the ball, in the body, limbs and head/face. Mum asks her not to do it several times to no avail. Niece then tees herself up to do it to me and I say 'Do it to me and I will take that ball off you and you won't have it back' cue face from niece but behaviour stops. I said it completely calmly but can sort of see that it might come across as unreasonable...but then I didn't want to get hit full pelt in the face with the ball either and no one was doing anything effective to stop it. Feel a bit bad one though...

I would have done the same and did quite recently, don't know what it is about kids and balls but my cousin's child who I was minding slammed the ball at me to hit my face (she's almost 10 so older) and I made it clear I wouldn't stand for it, all was fine, we continued playing.

Goldenbear said "If I'm honest I find it irritating when other members of the family or friends tell my DC off as I feel it is highlighting my inability to look after my children. My DP's brother tells my DC off for things I don't have a problem with and this is often quite awkward."

I also agree Golden that it's not okay to tell off someone elses DC while the parents are there if the behaviour is not going to affect you.
I mean with ball in the face or stepping on my toe or whatever I'll say not to do that. With a child not saying please or speaking over others or throwing their food around then all that is up to the parents and their boundaries (unless the food is being thrown at me).

A friend of mine is really annoyed by one of our mutual friends (who happens to be a teacher so maybe used to telling kids offf all day) repeatedly telling off her DC. I don't think the friendship will withstand this.

I would've done the same as the OP and stopped my DN from hitting me in the face but I don't think it is always acceptable to correct behaviour that you might deem as 'bad' but the parents don't. My BIL is constantly telling my DC to quieten down in my home but it is not appropriate as they are just being childish and he is not used to the noise of children on a regular basis. I do think people should care about the context.

I don't think 'overlooking' poor behaviour is a great strategy but often it is accidental and has to be looked at in a broader context.

I agree goldenbear, I try to only speak up when the behaviour is affecting me...ie the situation today- I don't get involved when it comes to general discipline when we are out and about unless it is just ny niece and myself, in which case this is obviously a necessity...what do you think about standards of behaviour differences? I would say my expectations are generally a bit higher than parents, for example I refuse to waste food, so when she visits I will deliberately cook a meal I know she likes, but if she doesn't eat it pudding will not be offered (usually fruit salad or yogurt)...this is not the case at home where she can refuse a proper meal then raid cupboard for choc/crisps etc....I just feel that in gener al I expect higher standards of behaviour than her parents -is this ok or unfair? We spend quite a lot of time together - I have looked after her for up to a week at a time as a favour and we do get on very well indeed, but the difference between my expectations and her parents' does worry me