Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have blocked online dating site guy because he hit his first wife in 1985?

30 replies

SoleSource · 25/05/2013 12:19

He has never hit a woman before this or since, he said

I asked him if he'd ever.hit a.woman

He is blocked

OP posts:
Trills · 25/05/2013 12:21

It is never unreasonable to block someone on online dating.

You don't need any ore reason than "I don't want to talk to you".

You have no obligation to talk to someone.

KingRollo · 25/05/2013 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hurricanewyn · 25/05/2013 12:22

^^ What Trills said

HotCrossPun · 25/05/2013 12:23

How did you get on to that subject Sole?

Original poster
SoleSource · 25/05/2013 12:25

Just asked him when chatting about why his first marriage ended.

OP posts:
FutTheShuckUp · 25/05/2013 12:25

Bit of a bizare question to ask someone on an online dating site?

Original poster
SoleSource · 25/05/2013 12:28

Ooh i get you. It was yahoo messenger chatting for hours.

OP posts:
ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 25/05/2013 12:33

I am surprised he was honest.

And no, it's not unreasonable. You have the right to block someone if you choose to.

Original poster
SoleSource · 25/05/2013 12:35

A few days chatting.

Going out.now

Thanks for replies, I guess once a guy has hit a.woman he.cannot be trusted. I acted.on my instincts and even though I have been victim of DV i still at the.time.consider giving him a chance.

Still soft

OP posts:
DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 25/05/2013 12:35

YANBU I'm a firm believer in "if in doubt, leave it out".

And I have no time for people who smack other people about.

Original poster
SoleSource · 25/05/2013 12:37

He seemed honedt, yes. Who knows he.gone.

OP posts:
TWinklyLittleStar · 25/05/2013 12:41

People never admit the whole truth about their wrongdoing, in my experience. If he admitted to this I would bet my pension there's a shit-ton more stuff he won't say.

VerySmallSqueak · 25/05/2013 12:46

There's absolutely no reason why you would choose to have further contact with his man.
You have had a chance here to save a lot of possible future heartache and pain and you have quite rightly seized that chance.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/05/2013 13:03

Why in god's name can you possible imagine that would be unreasonable?

You would be downright odd not to. Come on.

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 25/05/2013 13:32

I reported my friend's ex to match.com as he was fishing around for a new girlfriend after she kicked him out. He beat the crap out of her for years Needless to say match.com weren't in the least bit interested

I can understand that.

Unfortunately however his next partner will find out the hard way Sad

EleanorHandbasket · 25/05/2013 13:32

YABU

ecclesvet · 25/05/2013 16:48

YANBU, you can block anyone for any reason you like. But I'm not the person I was 30 years ago.

LynetteScavo · 25/05/2013 16:55

YANBU.

If he had long hair, and you didn't like long hair, it would be reasonable to block him.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 25/05/2013 16:55

I would say YABU if you had let it slide. Therefore YANBU.

If you can do it once you can do it again. There are some things that never should be forgiven.

AllegraLilac · 25/05/2013 17:38

I'm all for asking awkward questions on dating sites. Now you don't have to endure 6 months with him to then have him hit you too.

Well done OP. Yanbu.

Concreteblonde · 25/05/2013 17:46

See I worry about this. It's 'so' easy for people to lie and I worry that by bringing up the subject of DV, a man will automatically assume, rightly or wrongly, that you have experienced DV. And if you HAVE been a victim, a violent man could consider you to be a good next target whilst lying through his teeth. (My Ex swears blind he's never laid a finger on me ever)
Does that even make sense ? And no - I don't know when ISa good time to bring the subject up, hence my eternal singledom Wink

somewherewest · 25/05/2013 19:24

Entirely up to you who you do or don't block. I would almost certainly do the same (my stepfather was violent). But there must be people out there of both genders with extreme anger issues who do want to change and achieve change through a long process of counselling etc. If I recall correctly a fairly high percentage of violent men have themselves grown up in witnessing/experiencing violence. I've always struggled with excessive anger (expressed verbally not physically) in relationships and I know that comes from my background.

LondonMan · 25/05/2013 20:06

Possibly off-topic, but I heard/read something recently why some women repeatedly end up with abusive men. After the first guy, women give off a defensive vibe, decent guys steer clear so rapidly that she doesn't even realise that she's deterring them, psychos ignore the signals and plough ahead.

C999875 · 25/05/2013 20:08

No Y.N.B.U and if you have children then you have to think of them as well. If this man or (so called) has hit a women before, There's always the fear he'd do it again. xx

Lweji · 25/05/2013 21:17

He didn't have to tell you this, so I wonder why he did.
If you had dated him he could have thought you didn't mind that he hit a woman. You'd be giving signs that you excused him.

Not sure when it's the right time to talk about dv.
With one potential dater I mentioned that my ex had been violent towards me. He asked me why, and I dropped him then. Time saved.