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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH if he leaves me I will screw him for everything he's got.....

112 replies

AmadeusRocks · 24/05/2013 19:54

My bastard DH has this evening made a joke saying "if I left you for my secretary you'd be financially screwed", I am 36 weeks pregnant and already worrying about money Hmm and hormonal. I quipped back "well if you leave me I will take you for everything you've got" and he was horrified!

I've kicked him out for the night to stew at his mothers. Seriously, what sort of arsehole makes that comment to a pregnant woman, especially when I've just passed up promotion opportunity which would DOUBLE my salary to bear his children!

So WIBU to react like that?

OP posts:
SquinkiesRule · 24/05/2013 20:55

Really stupid comment on his part, equally stupid comment on your part. You get an out for being heavily pregnant and hormonally sensitive. He doesn't.
Does his secretary know of his plans? He was being very insensitive, I hope his Mum rips him a new one for being such an ass this close to the new baby arriving.

Hissy · 24/05/2013 21:08

In any event, please give some thought to continuing your career?

QuintessentialOldDear · 24/05/2013 21:12

Did you and him discuss your turning down this promotion? Was it a joint decision that you should be a sahm and give him the sole responsibility for earning?

Was this his way of asking you to think twice? He made a stupid comment, but you did a major knee jerk reaction of kicking him out without finding out what the background was.

Vivacia · 24/05/2013 21:14

Has either of you kicked the other out before during an argument?

RhondaJean · 24/05/2013 21:14

The moral here is NEVER GIVE UP A JOB, A JOB OFFER OR A CHANCE OF APPLYING FOR A JOB.

Tbh, this is the kind of thing DH and I say in jest to each other a lot (I'm currently threatening to leave him for a fat man so I don't feel I have to work so hard at the gymGrin) but if it was the first time he came out with something like that, I'd be upset and I'm not hormonal and due to pop.

Does he actually have a secretary btw?

marriedinwhiteagain · 24/05/2013 21:26

Hmm. When our DC were tiny I recall DH saying that if I was unfaithful to him or left him he's make sure he took me to the cleaners and fight me for custody. He was abit insecure - still can be. I blame his mother.

I just used to tell him to stop being silly because I wasn't going to. Even now the silly bugger dear man is prone to tell me about a lovely woman he met at work. Good job I take no notice.

I just keep telling him I'd feel more randy if he scattered rose petals and lit scented candles and took his socks off

Men eh, who'd have them a lot of women without one

OhDearNigel · 24/05/2013 21:28

I'm guessing he didn't just come up with this gem totally out of nowhere (Shall we watch Eastenders ? Pass the remote oh and by the way you're fucked financially if I dump you for my secretary)
I think we need some backstory.

diddl · 24/05/2013 21:28

Well he might have a point-but what has the secretary got to do with anything?

Why not "just" say "if we split up"?

Original poster
AmadeusRocks · 24/05/2013 21:30

Yes he has a secretary, although she doesn't just work for him but several members of his team.

I plan to go back to work 3 days a week after taking a years maternity leave, I passed on the promotion because I wouldn't be able to work part time and the hours the job requires are ridiculous and I would hardly get to see our child. It was a joint decision for me to do this, I have asked him since if he would rather I'd taken it and he's adamant he would rather have me at home more with our children. I was hesitant ab

He's pissed me off big time being so fucking

OP posts:
Original poster
AmadeusRocks · 24/05/2013 21:32

Whoops posted to soon.

Was supposed to say that I was hesitant about this due to less financial security for myself in the event of a split, however he assured me that he would do everything he could to provide for his children if we split.

OP posts:
QuintessentialOldDear · 24/05/2013 21:34

So, is he already making provisions for a split?

ahusband · 24/05/2013 21:37

YABU but as you're pregnant I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Obviously he misjudged the moment and said something a bit stupid.

BegoniaBampot · 24/05/2013 21:40

Don't really blame you but find it strange you have already discussed how you will finance your children if you split when you don't have them yet. Maybe you are just being sensible.

RhondaJean · 24/05/2013 21:42

I totally understand you need to work out how to protect yourself financially, but there seems to have been an awful lot of talking about splitting? Do you think it's a possibility? Are you worried about your relationship in general or just peed off he is being an insensitive twat right now?

valiumredhead · 24/05/2013 21:43

When you have both calmed down and hopefully made up you should discuss some ground rules i.e. never joking or threatening divorce unless you are serious. There are some things that should not be said.

VestandKnickers · 24/05/2013 21:45

Good lord. If you hadn't said you were expecting his baby I'd guess you were both about twelve years old. Seriously, you need to grow up.

Booyhoo · 24/05/2013 21:46

umm

it's not normal to discuss what you'll both do when you split up. you know that right OP? why is he bringing up leaving you?

it sounds like you've both thought it through and decided what would you would do.

odd for a comitted couple who are having a baby.

Potteresque97 · 24/05/2013 21:47

In all seriousness, if you really have any serious doubts about the relationship, you might want to re think the job. That kind of career sacrifice isn't really recognised in divorce. I suspect this is just a weird one off thing though.

scottishmummy · 24/05/2013 21:50

why us you forgo a job to be dependent upon him?is that why you cross
you two have problems if you kick him out and this is his idea of joke
I'd be booking a nanny and begging for job back if I were you

Booyhoo · 24/05/2013 21:50

sorry. i think i might be misunderstood with that post.

i dont mean it's not normal to have a plan in place for financial security and what would happen WRT house and dcs.

what i mean is, it's not normal to be rowing like that. or for either of you to be dropping in little 'jokes' like that.

shit. i'll give up. i'm not even udnerstanding myself anymore. sorry.

ParadiseChick · 24/05/2013 21:52

Do you often kick him out to his mums?

scottishmummy · 24/05/2013 21:58

I have to say no way I'd be told to leave my house,if there's leaving it being done wouldn't be me

CloudsAndTrees · 24/05/2013 22:07

That reads to me like you are the one that brought up the possibility of a split Amadeus, not him.

Monty27 · 24/05/2013 22:12

You're both being very immature. With an impending baby you need to get this sorted. Are you both stressed? Do you love each other? Do you want this family life together?

Confused
Greythorne · 24/05/2013 22:17

What valiumredhead said.

You are not adolescents in the first throes of passion, where people say and do ridiculous things, make grand gestures.

You are about to be parents. You need to sit down and have a hard chat with him and agree never, ever to say things like 'I'll leave you for my secretary" or "I want a divorce" or "I'll screw you over financially" unless you mean them because they hurt, even if they are jokes and once said, they can't be unsaid and it leads to insecurity in a relationship.

You both have to act and give all the signals that you are 100% committed to the relationship.

Unless you are not. And quite honestly, neither of you sound committed to each other.