To be terrified to leave the house with my baby

[peacefuloptimist]

I was supposed to go to a mother and baby group today at the children's centre but I'm too scared to go out with the baby. There is a market tomorrow selling baby and children items but again I am scared to go.

I hate that I feel like this and know that's exactly what the far-right extremists and radical muslims want. To create a divided, suspicious society where people are fearful of each other. However I cant stop these images from running through my mind of my ds getting scared or injured if someone attacks me. I popped out yesterday to the local shop without him and I was on hyper-alert, crossing the road whenever I saw groups of people approaching; taking the long, quieter way back home to avoid people; not meeting anyone's eyes. I felt like everyone was watching me, disapprovingly.

I know a lot of it is in my head but I cant help it as I have experienced this sort of abuse before. When the war in Afghanistan happened I had someone shout Afghan at me (as if that's an insult ) and when the Iraq war happened it was Iraqi that was shouted at me. This is despite the fact I am neither from the Middle East or from the Indian sub-continent and definitely couldn't be mistaken for either. On the way back from work last year two men chanted EDL as I walked past them. In a separate incident a man announced loudly as I got on a packed bus going home from work carrying my grocery shopping that he had to walk past the 'Islamic bomber' to get off. No one said anything and I felt too intimidated.

It's incidents like this that make me really despair about my ds's future in this country. How can I put him in this situation where he is a despised minority and is fearful every time some idiotic, psychopath does something stupid? Yet this is the only country I know. I have grown up here and have no experience of living elsewhere and I don't speak any other language.

Just feeling very depressed about the whole situation as well as incredible sadness and sorrow for the family of the poor soldier and the people who had to witness that inhumanity.

She may possibly have been afraid of him too, but at least she was safe.

Trying to explain to someone who hasn't experienced racism directed at them personally is rather like trying to explain to a man what being abused as a woman feels like, and the fear it can engender in women about being out late at night, or alone, or when you walk past a pack and feel apprehensive even if they don't seem to be noticing you.
It's a completely different world view.

Because I am white and live in the UK in one of the least ethnically diverse cities you can imagine, I have only once been with someone who was on the receiving end of racist abuse.
It was in Prague, we were all 16 or 17 and on a school trip - from another town with very little ethnic diversity but also very little overt racism. One of our party was a girl whose family were Asian in origin. We were all meeting up after a shopping expedition and by chance none of our teachers were back with the party. Some Czech lads came up to her and started poking her and shouting abuse, telling her to go back etc etc. We all gathered round her and said 'go away, go away, go away' until they did. It could have been much worse but it was so frightening as it was.
Unless you have seen it you cannot begin to understand how terrifying this is. I can't even imagine what it must be like to suffer it.
The OP is not melodramatic. She is realistic.
Op - I hope you feel able to go out soon.

Northern lurker is right. Witnessing it is terrifying. God only know how it must feel to be at the receiving end. I have many Muslim friends, most of them educated middle class professionals. They all tell me that life has become very difficult and bleak since 9-11 and every time they feel things are getting easier, another 'act of terrorism ' is committed which makes them all hate figures again. And I can't tell you how much they despise and condemn these 'terrorists'.

Poor you, OP. This thing will die down soon, I hope.

The 'extremists' and the idiot facists are still the minority. I really believe that the majority of people are good and kind and moral.

Oh wow. I am so surprised and touched to see all these responses. I'm sad to hear that others have also experienced or seen racism. When will we learn not to judge people on the basis of how they look and instead look at their character. One of the things I love about the UK and miss whenever I'm abroad is the diversity you see here. I definitely would not have been able to meet people from so many different backgrounds and learn from so many cultures if I had grown up in my parents country of origin. This is a strength of our society but people want to turn that into a weakness.

I have to confess I still haven't been out alone with ds. I went out on my own the day after the tragic event so I'm not a total wuss. But whenever I've tried to go out with him alone I lose my nerve.

Eccentrica your comment about racists not being that stupid made me laugh. Actually they are that stupid. I am African so not even from the same continent as Afghanistan or Iraq so they have really got to be uninformed to think I'm from either of those two countries. I wish I was being melodramatic, fluffy but I have been subject to this type of abuse enough times that I know to be cautious. The verbal abuse is not what I'm afraid of (sticks and stones and all that) but I find the reports of women being spat at and having their scarfs pulled off worrying. The irony is that the edl and bnp always go on about Islam being oppressive to women yet they always attack Muslim women first when something like this happens.

I went out yesterday with Dh and ds to visit friends and a few of them told me that despite the edl holding a march in our town they had not experienced any abuse so I'm starting to feel a bit more confident. As you said Cosy hopefully it will die down soon.

You're not alone. My sisters dp is Muslim and they are getting a lot of nasty comments and glares at the moment.
Remember the majority of people are not racist. Hold your head high and pity the ignorant.

The fact that you don't want to go out at the moment with ds just shows what a good mum you are. You're desperate not to put him at risk and your radar about what is 'risky' is super-sensitive atm. Of course you do need at some point to go out but don't feel bad that you've struggled with this. Last week was just awful and any good parent will reflect on that and try everything to keep their child safe.

Oh love this is so unfair. Why are some people so thick?
I wish you were near me do I could come with you and face down these idiots. Am a tiny Scotswoman with impressive swear word vocab and am not afraid to use it
Please know that you are better than them and always will be. I really hate racism and those who spout it

I do not mean this offensively but have you ever considered the possibility you have post-natal depression? I know what it is like to experience discrimination as my husband is severely disabled and it is not uncommon for people to shout sp*z, crip and more recently DLA faker (my husband is visibly disabled and there is no way he looks like a faker). Despite this we get out the house and when we get this abuse I normally give more than 10 times back at them. Although I am sure you are experiencing genuine racism, stopping in the house and being too afraid to go to a M&B group is a bit extreme. I would seek GP advice.

Roary - did you see the pictures of the EDL in Woolwich? If I thought they were out against me I would stay inside as well. Yes of course if this continues then the OP may need to seek help but I don't think her reaction is out of proportion to events this week.