To be terrified to leave the house with my baby

[peacefuloptimist]

I was supposed to go to a mother and baby group today at the children's centre but I'm too scared to go out with the baby. There is a market tomorrow selling baby and children items but again I am scared to go.

I hate that I feel like this and know that's exactly what the far-right extremists and radical muslims want. To create a divided, suspicious society where people are fearful of each other. However I cant stop these images from running through my mind of my ds getting scared or injured if someone attacks me. I popped out yesterday to the local shop without him and I was on hyper-alert, crossing the road whenever I saw groups of people approaching; taking the long, quieter way back home to avoid people; not meeting anyone's eyes. I felt like everyone was watching me, disapprovingly.

I know a lot of it is in my head but I cant help it as I have experienced this sort of abuse before. When the war in Afghanistan happened I had someone shout Afghan at me (as if that's an insult ) and when the Iraq war happened it was Iraqi that was shouted at me. This is despite the fact I am neither from the Middle East or from the Indian sub-continent and definitely couldn't be mistaken for either. On the way back from work last year two men chanted EDL as I walked past them. In a separate incident a man announced loudly as I got on a packed bus going home from work carrying my grocery shopping that he had to walk past the 'Islamic bomber' to get off. No one said anything and I felt too intimidated.

It's incidents like this that make me really despair about my ds's future in this country. How can I put him in this situation where he is a despised minority and is fearful every time some idiotic, psychopath does something stupid? Yet this is the only country I know. I have grown up here and have no experience of living elsewhere and I don't speak any other language.

Just feeling very depressed about the whole situation as well as incredible sadness and sorrow for the family of the poor soldier and the people who had to witness that inhumanity.

SoulSister that's a really lovely thing to do. Well done you

It's not racism if they are white (assuming the shouters are also white). It might be harassment but It's not racism.

It's an ideology, and advertising any ideology, especially a controversial one, opens you up to abuse from people who disagree with it.

Presumably they didn't think your white friend was actually Iraqi or Afghani any more than the very Essex-sounding black murderer in Woolwich meant it literally when he said "our countries".

eccentrica, I would be willing to bet a very large sum of money that the shouter did think my white friend was forrin and should go home back to iraq/afghanistan!

I seriously doubt it. Even racists aren't that stupid.

Have you gone out yet? I'll hold your hand if you hold mine :)
I haven't. And I don't intend to. But fortunately it is hammering down, windy and I had deliveries to stay in for.
I understand where you're coming from.
I had the whole 'Paki, Terrorist, f* traitor' before and it's frightening.
I have young children and I fear for what they may be subject to when out and about.
I was supposedly visiting an old friend in London on Sunday but have postponed, I just don't feel safe.
This is what they want isn't it? Division.
I'm going to go out tomorrow -- I just needed a couple of days to get over the anxieties of being abused/threatened in front of the children outdoors in public.
You are not alone. Hugs. x

My dear Muslim friend was sworn and spat at yesterday whilst we walked home from school. She is too scared to come on our pre planned trip to Blackpool tomorrow with all our kids. I'm so sad and I know she isnt the only Muslim too afraid to go out at the moment.

Bakingnovice -- that is sad :( In all of this, it's the Muslim mothers out on the street that appear to be whipped with the backlash time and time again.

OP I am sorry you are feeling like this. I am sickened that there are people in our country who do this. I hate this implication that muslim = terrorist.

I hope you feel strong enough soon to go out with your head held high. Please don't let idiots like the EDL feel they have won, although I appreciate how hard it may be for you to go out at the moment.

I find it hard to believe that the streets are alive with abuse-shouting bigots who would threaten you and your child's safety. You sound a tiny bit melodramatic to me. I would go out and about as you intended. If someone does shout anything, it says far more about them than you.

It really does depend on whereabouts OP lives, it can be very intimidating when you're out on your own being agressively screamed at or threatened.

I suppose its difficult to understand till it happens to you.

I'm so sorry ignorant people make you feel this way. Please know the majority of people don't discriminate against others due to race or religion - don't let the minority stop you from enjoying life with your ds.

As fuzzywuzzy said, difficult to understand till it happens to you. The streets are not by any means alive with abuse shouting bigots but there are a few people out there who wouldn't think twice before hurling abuse.

Fluffi , if the OP and many others like her on mumsnet alone, are scared enough to post their fears on here who the he'll are you to tell them they're being melodramatic?

Fluff - have you read the thread?? My friend was abused yesterday on the way home from school. I was with her. I was just as scared as her and we were both glad we had dropped our kids off at school. We held hands all the way home. We weren't being melodramatic. We were bloody terrified.

I was trying to be encouraging. If this happens, then it's surely playing into the perpetrators' hands to stay indoors. I am white and was on the receiving end of some twerpish comments from some black lads when walking with a black friend, but I wouldn't stay inside because of it. Carry on as normal I say. Sod them.

Your privilege is showing, fluffi. I know that you mean well, just, well, it's not really the same.

Admittedly the comments had to be translated into RP for me...It was along the lines of 'stay with your own kind' accompanied by loud sucking of teeth. But they were the comments of youths. Surely anyone shouting abuse in the street at people they believe to be Muslim has to be young, thick or ignorant.
It's AIBU, btw. So surely robust responses are expected, even encouraged?

I remember being stunned and furious at one life-changing incident for me fluffi.
I'd taught in various rather nice areas in the south, lovely multicultural schools in London, rather nice home counties...
Then I moved to the NW to teach in a very different environment, but of course I brought my assumptions with me.
I took a group of 8 year olds on a maths walk, spotting shapes in the environment, looking for patterns, that sort of thing. The children were a bit nervous as we went up to the town centre, and I thought it was because of the traffic.
But no, we passed a corner with several males and females hanging out on benches and the racist comments started, then the spitting and then they threw a can of beer.
Whilst the other two adults took the children back to safety at speed, I lost the plot and told them what I thought in my most arrogant, articulate Oxbridge possible, Not a swear word in hearing, but I was incandescent.
Which earned me much Kudos in the school community and several warnings that I could have been stabbed or bottled.

In Crawley, many years later, I had a child in school in tears because she and her mother had been heckled and shoved by yobs for being Pakis and supporting Saddam whilst on a shopping expedition. She was Spanish.
So hate is everywhere, and unless you and yours have been the target it is unlikely that you will ever understand the fear.

OP, I hope you find enough people in your community who make you feel welcome and supported. If you can explain some of what you feel and experienced, then you will help them begin to understand a problem that they have never considered before.

Although I will always remember Zahida, on another occasion, yelling
'You ignorant white fool, can you not see I am Bengali and not Pakistani?'
10 years old and standing her ground.

OP that is such a sad post to read and the others that follow.

The vast majority of people in this country just want to live in peace with their neighbours. I live in a very mixed area. DD has sikhs and muslims in her class and is happy with them all - they are just her friends.

I hope you find the courage to go out. A few mad extremist and fundamentalists do not fairly represent Islam or indeed any other faith and people need to understand that.

Do not let your freedom be stopped by a few empty headed, nasty, vile, ignorant people. They do not speak in my name and they do not speak in the name of the very vast majority of people in this country. I am sorry you've been through this

Such a dad post buy unfortunately nothing new here.

During the 60s and 70s it was the 'Irish' and the 'blacks'. It was even ok to out a sign in your window to day you wouldn't rent to 'Irish,blacks and no dogs'.

In the 80s my then black boyfriend was beaten up for going out with me and I was called a 'blood clot' by a black man.

It's now the turn of the Muslims.

Hatred, ignorance and sheer bullying are there all the time as we saw in woolwich.

The only way to defeat this is to stand firm, go about your normal day and don't alter.

If you stay in op the bigots and the bullies have won.

OP, I'm sorry to hear the harassment you have been subjected to. Not all areas of the UK are like this. When an EDL march was planned for my city, the residents rallied an anti-EDL march of twice their number. There are more nice people than bigots here.

Eccentrica "I seriously doubt it. Even racists aren't that stupid."

There are some very stupid racists out there. I was once on a late train going home on my own. A group of drunk lads aged about 20 came and sat with me, trying it on. When I refused to let them touch me (in my best no-nonsense teacher voice) they started accusing me of being 'foreign' and not looking white or English. I'm as white as you can get, with a tiny drop of Irish.

They kept trying to argue about my heritage, which I pointed out was none of their business and made no difference with how they should treat someone.

Inside I was petrified. It was a nearly empty train and I was frightened that they would try to rape me or beat me up. I was so glad when they got off at the next stop.

Incredible, that reminds me of an incident last year that happened to my DS.
He's an Aspie, not good with strangers on the whole and he looks like a werebear with a glare.
He was on the late train home when a similar incident happened, and he didn't know what to do about it. So he got up from his seat and loomed over the three lads (around 15/16) , then he said ' Why don't you just fuck off?' in his usual flat growl and sat down next to the woman.
They did, into the next carriage.
She and DS sat in silence for three more stops until she got off. I think neither of them knew what to do next.

Good for your son goblin. Bet they were scared stiff. Bullies are always cowards.

Your son sounds fantastic, Goblin. I wish he'd been there on my train!