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AIBU?

to hate it when people say "you're a good mum....of boys"

73 replies

IamMrsElf · 23/05/2013 09:02

I have 2 DS. I want another baby as does DH. It would be nice if it was a girl but equally lovely to have another boy. I really want a healthy - that's the best. I have always wanted 4 children and just don't feel like I'm ready to hang up my womb just yet.

Anyway, when I mentioned having another one, a lot of family and friends said "you won't have any girls, there's no point in having another one" and then said "you're such a good mum, of boys".

Is there such a thing as being a good mum to just one sex of child? Surely a good mum is a good mum. I'm sure they say this to make me feel better or something but it just pisses me off. It is nice to be told I'm a good mum - especially as most of the time I feel like I'm winging it and the rest of the time have no clue - but it feels like people are saying "you'd be a shit mum to girls" (obviously me being massively over sensitive).

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

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TigerSwallowTail · 23/05/2013 10:49

I've never heard this before, what a really odd and stupid thing to say! Maybe they think you're only wanting another child because you're trying for a girl and don't want you to be disappointed, this is an extremely daft idea if it is the case but it's the only thing I can think of that would explain their comments in any way.

IamMrsElf · 23/05/2013 10:51

I am actually not sure I can have 4. I had a CS with both DS and have been told that I will have to have a CS with DC3 and that only 3 CS are 'allowed'

Does anyone know anything about this?

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IamMrsElf · 23/05/2013 10:54

coffee I just can not believe your FIL. It is a good job he didn't have girls.

Although, I do get comments like this from DM, she says it's because she always wants me to look my best - urgh!

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amazingmumof6 · 23/05/2013 11:00

yes you can have 4 or even 5 CSs,if you must, although many risks involved.

have you seen the programme about 16 kids and wanting more?
one of the mums had 4 CSs at least.

amazingmumof6 · 23/05/2013 11:01

Elf what you need to do is to make sure you have twins next. job done!

everlong · 23/05/2013 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IamMrsElf · 23/05/2013 11:08

amazing twins would be lovely. Challenging, but why not?

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IamMrsElf · 23/05/2013 11:12

Don't think DH would let me have 4 CS - too many risks - probably just as well, must be sensible.

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OwlLady · 23/05/2013 11:15

I have 3 CS (one emergency, 2 planned) and was told to wait 12 months before conceiving my fourth (NFW!:o) so it cannot be that uncommon. The surgeon did say though the more you have the more the risks increase. My third one wasn't very pleasant so i stopped at 3

Cinnamom · 23/05/2013 11:38

I have 4 boys as well. People always comment "wow! that much be hectic". I just smile and say "not really".

Another comment that I get is that they are all so different. Not similar at all. Not sure what people expect?

ShowOfHands · 23/05/2013 11:45

I think it's an age thing for sure. Affection and energy in droves! I do get a bit fed up with the boys are like dogs analogy. They need exercise but are sooooooo cuddly. I see it trotted out on here all the time. Children need exercise. Most need affection.

I've had two cs and was told by the surgeon doing the second that I could have a third (would have to be a cs) but he'd recommend no more after that due to existing adhesions. It was a comment on how tricky the second was. They do say 3 is the sensible limit and I had a friend who was advised to have no more cs after her third but had one more and it was a very, very tricky op with a few problems. Your fertility choices are your own of course, but it's worth listening to the advice if it was based upon your particular circumstances. I've decided to get a tortoise instead.

amazingmumof6 · 23/05/2013 11:58

cinnamon a friend's friend has 4 boys, not even vaguely alike, with different hair colours.
I kid you not 1 is blonde, 1 is black, 1 is brown and 1 is red.

the amount of times people assume the kids are adopted or she had them from different dads is staggering!

amazingmumof6 · 23/05/2013 12:00

Elf bu you really have to "make sure" they are not triplets! otherwise imagine your poor DH!

loveinthemist · 23/05/2013 12:08

YANBU to be perplexed. I think your friends and family are very odd and I'd ignore them. I've got 4DC, 2 boys, 2 girls and have never had any comments like that about either sex.

If you do end up with 4DC be prepared for many comments of the 'I don't know how you do it' and 'ooh you've got your hands full' flavour. Yawn, Yawn!

tangstar · 23/05/2013 12:11

Yes, I have the reverse A&E experience - my 2 dds have been stitched up twice each, ds never. DS is definitely more active than the girls, but seems to have more sense! My dds can be a bit gung-ho and do things without concentrating properly .

I was also asked why we went for dc3 when we already had one of each. Would actually like another despite 3 c-sections but DH won't even contemplate the idea. I've accepted that over time and I'm happy and grateful for my 3. I know I would have been equally delighted with 3 girls or 3 boys.

I do find it strange when people say "as long as it's healthy" though. I always used to answer "well, even if it isn't."

idiuntno57 · 23/05/2013 12:17

I have four boys and consider myself to be a good mum to them.
I hope that were I to have four girls or mixed genders I'd be the same.

You parent the children you have to the best of your ability. It is what being a mum is about.

Person who said that to you is a fuckwit. Ignore them.

Cinnamom · 23/05/2013 12:25

amazingmumof6 mine are the same. Looks wise and personality wise, completely different. Also all from same DH.

I have wondered if I had girls (I am one of 3 sisters) if I would have parented differently. I would not have. I raise mine sexless if that makes sense. I dont think about "because they boys, I must ......" My oldest is now 24 and youngest 12 and they all all wonderful human beings.

Boy or girl makes no difference to parenting ability.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 23/05/2013 12:38

When pregnant with DC2 (now aged 3) I found out at my scan I was having a boy (DC1 is a girl). I told my sister and she said "Oh, are you happy about it being a boy?"
Erm, yes I was happy that I was having a boy, but would have been equally happy to have another girl.
She made it quite clear that she would never want a boy, that she would have 2 girls. Whilst pregnant with her second DC she named her bump a girls name, picked out girls clothes... then had a beautiful little boy.
She soon changed her tune about having a boy!
I now get comments of "now you have one of each you can stop trying for a baby!"
Maybe we wanted to have 3 children regardless of gender, but no one ever thinks like that.

I don't understand the comments, surely a child is a blessing regardless of gender?
A good mum would be a good mum to either gender.

dubstarr73 · 23/05/2013 13:22

I have 5 boys and i really wouldnt have a clue what to do with a girl.My eldest son is probably more like me we have loads in common.So to me its not a stupid thing to say to me its the truth.
And of course i have my hands full what a stupid thing to say but i just smile and nod.
But the funny thing is you wil probably only see me wiht 3 boys as my other 2 are much older.So for shock value i say ive another 2 at home.The looks on their faces does be gas.

IamMrsElf · 23/05/2013 13:41

amazing Triplets would be a handful, funnily enough DH has mentioned it a few times, I hope he doesn't have crystal ball that he's not telling me about!

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MrsMook · 23/05/2013 13:49

I have two DS. Even though DS2 is 5 weeks, I've been asked about the possibility of DC3 a lot. My answer is the jury's out. I was asked about DC 2 when DS1 was tiny too.

We always said 2 or 3 DC, but that's not to do with their sex (and if I do have a DC 3, I'm sure people will read into wanting a girl). I'd like to think I'm a good mum to my sons, and would be should I have a daughter. I seem to cope well enough with a Brownie Pack.

amazingmumof6 · 23/05/2013 13:50

dubstarr
I was the same. Just so used to boys and their ways. And having miscarried a girl I thought we can't have girls.

so despite DH predicting a girl for the 1st time, I was expecting to have a 6th son.

DDs arrival was a lovely surprise - but surreal, I kept the pink baby welcome cards up for months to remind me that we have a girl!

She's just a year old, so whether I'll parent her differently is yet to be seen.
I guess it will be different - from toilet traning to chats about periods and bras, no to mention hair combing and make up , but she'll be thaught our morals and beliefs the same way as the boys.

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Thisvehicleisreversing · 23/05/2013 16:33

I don't think I'd be a good mum to girls.

I'm pleased I've got boys and TBH girls seem almost foreign to me

Don't think I could cope with the friend dramas girls have at school, body issues, puberty, shopping, dancing, giggling etc

But I suppose I'd have coped if I'd had girls

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