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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanted to see family dog before he was put down

32 replies

ElizaDoLots · 22/05/2013 16:53

I know I'm being a bit pathetic, because he was my parents' dog, rather than mine, but I've just had a phone call from my Mum to tell me they put him down this morning.

I didn't know he was ill & would like to have seen him one last time - he'd been with us for 15 years. 'We knew you'd be busy' was the response. Angry

OP posts:
Twitterqueen · 22/05/2013 16:58

I'm so sorry. Sad
You must be feeling very sad. He was very much your dog too.
You are not pathetic!

NotSoNervous · 22/05/2013 16:59

Aw I'm so sorry Hmm it must be heart breaking. Fwiw YANBU xx

sayithowitis · 22/05/2013 17:05

I do feel for you, but if he was in pain it would have been cruel to make him suffer any longer for the sake of you saying goodbye.
It is hard though, when you lose a much loved family pet - they have a way of getting under your skin, don't they? Flowers

Tailtwister · 22/05/2013 17:10

I'm so sorry, it's so sad when a family pet dies and it must have been a real shock if you didn't know he was ill. Your parents might have felt it was cruel to leave him hanging on though.

jayho · 22/05/2013 17:17

I really feel for you. We had our family dog for 16 years and I was taking care of him at the end because my parents had moved abroad. He had a stroke and the vet advised putting him down. My mother refused to agree until three weeks later when she was due home - refused to come any earlier. He had another stroke and died three days later, in front of my 3yo Sad

They did what was best for the dog but you really have my sympathy Flowers

plainjaney · 22/05/2013 17:19

I understand completely having been through the same thing last week. My Dad died 5 years ago and he and Mum had a little dog who was 13. I came home from work on Thursday to the news he's been PTS after collapsing.

Like you I was devastated because I hadn't seen him or had chance to say goodbye. I was so angry that Mum hadn't called me to take her to the vets and that she'd got a neighbour to do it, and angry that I'd not seen the little fella before he went. She said she didn't want to bother me at work.

Nearly a week later I'm calmer. I know where you are coming from but I came to the conclusion that I couldn't change anything no matter how much I wanted to. It was done.

I printed a couple of large photos of the dog and bought 2 frames from Tesco, I gave one to Mum and I have one here. It did help actually. It's always hard to lose a pet, in some ways I felt like I'd lost another connection to my Dad as silly as that sounds.

Flowers
Original poster
ElizaDoLots · 22/05/2013 17:20

Thanks all. He's been on his last legs for ages, but had been particularly ill for days, so it was just a matter of time.

OP posts:
Picturesinthefirelight · 22/05/2013 17:22

Having had to make the decision to put our dog to sleep whilst dh was at work at the other end of the country it's not easy.

Often you take the dog in still hoping he will come home but once the decision is made you really need to act there and then to allay the suffering. Dh didn't want me to prolong it just because he wasn't there.

MaxPepsi · 22/05/2013 18:16

Not pathetic at all. I'm sorry you missed the chance to say good bye.

My parents had to put their dog down last year. I had already said bye to him the day before so knew it was coming but I was still heartbroken. I would have been doubly heartbroken had I not had chance.

My poor DH had to tell me the news - he'd had to dig the grave too - just before we went in to see the doctors to be told we couldn't have kids. I'm still not sure what I cried more about.

MrsPresley · 22/05/2013 18:20

Is there anyway you could go and see the dog at the vets?

When my dads dog dies suddenly at home, I went to see him at the vets before he was taken for cremation.

I totally understand you wanting to say your goodbyes, I was the same.

When my own dog was PTS I asked everyone if they wanted to say goodbye to him first.

Abra1d · 22/05/2013 18:23

Our pup died during an operation at the vet's. None of us said good-bye. We went to the vet's and said farewell to her there. I think it helped a bit.

AnnaBegins · 22/05/2013 18:31

My parents did exactly this to me with our cat we'd had my whole life. He was very ill, I went to see him at the weekend and rang up the next Thursday to ask if I could come to see him again, to be told he'd been PTS on Monday! 4 days they waited to tell me, and it would have been longer if I hadn't rung :(

They have form for this sort of leaving me out, then making me feel bad by saying, we thought you wouldn't care... Sounds like your parents might be similar from the 'busy' comment...

ClaraOswald · 22/05/2013 18:34

In my case, I had given permission for mum to have my old girl pts. We knew it was only a matter of time, and we had gone down three weeks earlier and said our goodbyes then, hand feeding her and holding her water bowl for her to drink from. It was still a blow for mum to call and say that it was time.
I would have been cruel to ask for her to hold on until the weekend and I could go down again.

KittensoftPuppydog · 22/05/2013 18:36

So sorry.

Leverette · 22/05/2013 18:59

This reply has been deleted

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TidyDancer · 22/05/2013 19:10

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Yanbu. :(

thompson369 · 22/05/2013 19:17

YANBU and definitely not being pathetic at all.

I woke one morning a couple of years back to a text from my mum saying they'd had to have their dog pts during the night. He had started fitting and so there was no other option.

At some point I may have to make the same decision about my dog, I think I (and he) will find it easier to just quietly go and do it with the least possible upset.

Really sorry for your loss.

Decoy · 22/05/2013 19:48
Flowers
thebody · 22/05/2013 19:51

So very sorry. A family member. Hugs xxx

CSIJanner · 22/05/2013 21:30

So sorry - it is like missing a family member and no, YANBU to have wanted to see him before he left Flowers

Boosterseat · 22/05/2013 21:53

YANBU - I was also devastated when our beloved family dog was put down without my DM telling me, I wanted to say goodbye.

I have one photograph of me as a child with our dog planting a huge doggy kiss on my cheek and it takes pride of place on my mantle.

Flowers to you and your family, I hope you have many happy memories. So sorry for your loss.

Original poster
ElizaDoLots · 22/05/2013 22:36

Thanks everyone. Sorry to hear everyone else's tales. My parents are very sad, but he was a good old dog and had a good life.

OP posts:
cantbloodywellchoose · 22/05/2013 22:40

Aw, that's sad Sad it must have been pretty sudden if you didn't know he was ill though so maybe better not to keep him in pain until you could see him. Concentrate on 15 yrs of happy memories.Thanks

BMW6 · 22/05/2013 23:33

I was in your situation some years ago and was devastated not to have been able to be with her and say goodbye. But, in the event, speed was of the essence for the sake of the beloved dog.

I take comfort that she was set free so quickly and without any pain. She knew how very loved she was, by the whole family.

Your beloved pet knew this too. Grieve, then in time you will remember him with love and joy. Flowers

dubdurbs · 22/05/2013 23:44

I found out from Facebook that my family dog was pts. When I called in tears my mother said 'well you don't live here any more' Our dog had been part of the family for nearly 17 years, I was the one to groom her, walk her, feed her, take her to the vets, look after her ailments, yet when I moved in with my bf I apparently lost the right to care for her. Very hurtful, and to this day my mother is unremorseful about the way she handled it. :(

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