to feel threatened by her?
waddlecakes · 21/05/2013 16:27
Bit of a tough one. I've had a somewhat unsteady relationship with a man I'm mad about. It's been going on for 7-8 months and has been difficult as he has some mental health issues but things have been getting much better.
Last week he introduced me to one of his girl mates who he is very close to. We were at this event and the girl and I ended up alone in the bar - it turns out we were able to connect really deeply, and I really really liked her. She said that when he had told her he wanted to introduce her to me, she had expected to feel jealous, but having spoken to me she couldn't find it in her to feel anything negagtive towards me. The way things turned out we were having such a good time the two of us that we embarked on a pretty magical evening of swapping confidences, and we ditched my man and his other mates for a good 4 hours.
Sounds pretty perfect - except at one point she told me that she and my man had kissed ''once or twice'' before, but nothing else ever happened. It did send a pang through my heart...later on she said she'd had this intense dream about him the other night.
Arggh I don't know, I feel paranoid about it because I really got on with her amazingly well and I'm pretty sure if he was worried/had anything to hide he wouldn't have been cool with me wandering off with her for hours. At the same time though...she's a musician like him, I saw some scars on her wrists and she appears to be some sort of ''tortured soul''. It makes me feel insecure like I'm not interesting enough I suppose...sorry, I really just needed to get this out!
LemonPeculiarJones · 21/05/2013 17:17
It may be that she targeted you and was deliberately seductive (to you, in a friendship/deep connection way) in order to cross boundaries and be involved in his relationship.
Because if she's in your head, too, then she is all over the relationship - they have history, she wants to tell you he's still in her dreams, you feel a 'connection' to her, you're now threatened - it's all a bit incestuous.
It reminds me of some of the dramas of late teenage/early twenties.
Fun, intense, kind of novelistic and romantic, tortured souls and deep connections.....it's amazing fun but not to be trusted. Purely for experience.
waddlecakes · 21/05/2013 17:23
Lemon, that thought had occured to me alright...because although I really liked her and got on with her, if the roles were reversed I would never have shared the dream thing (which by the way was pretty blatant to interpret, making me question how true it was) and I also wouldn't have shared the having kissed once or twice thing. I might after a few months of friendship, if a friendship were to develop, but not on a first meeting...
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 21/05/2013 17:29
Forgive me if this sounds patronising, but I think those comments (mine included) stem from memories of a time (I'm middle aged) when this kind of intensity was very exciting. When I look back I think that things that seemed exciting were a bit to much like hard work. People that seemed deep and artistic and interesting were often a bit unhappy and messed up, and didn't make me feel happy or secure.
LemonPeculiarJones · 21/05/2013 17:33
Don't be daft OP. You explained it very well.
Intense artistic people and relationships are really seductive. I don't think anyone means to be dismissive. I certainly didn't - I've been there
But as I say I've had my fair share of that kind of drama, and it does all amount to experience rather than anything lasting or truly 'deep' in my opinion.
The alternative isn't boring/all sweetness and light.
And btw you shouldn't be feeling dull in comparison to these tortured souls. It's a way of being that is not the same as being an engaged, vital, interesting, exciting person. It can overlap, sure, but it isn't the only way to be interesting.
OHforDUCKScake · 21/05/2013 17:40
She told you about the dream and the kisses for a reason. Any innocent person wouldnt dream about telling a friends gf that they are meeting for the very first time.
She charmed you. And for good reason. You told her private things.
How much of your relationship with him did you discuss?
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