DH says 'I'm good for nothing except bitching about him'. AIBU to take offence
TirNaNog100 · 20/05/2013 22:30
Just that really.
Background: I was speaking to my sister on the phone in the car. He dislikes having to listen to other people's phone conversations and was urging me to hurry up. I felt rude rushing my sister off the phone and explained that I had to go as DH dislikes me being on the phone in the car (not said in a mean way).
He got upset, said I was bitching about him and was 'good for nothing except bitching about him'. I was so hurt that I hardly spoke to him all day, which he considered a complete over-reaction. I feel it was a very hurtful thing to say and that most people would be upset. AIBU?
ImperialBlether · 20/05/2013 22:32
He doesn't sound very nice, OP. Why doesn't he like having to listen to your phone conversations? Did he think you should be talking to him? How long were you talking to her for?
It didn't sound as though you were bitching about him.
Is he often as casually hurtful as this?
squeakytoy · 20/05/2013 22:38
so either you rushed her off the phone, or you were talking to her for quite a while..
to be honest, I would find it a bit rude if someone was on the phone for ages while they were in the car with me, and I also wouldnt want to listen in on the conversation..
and you possibly did make him sound like he was a control freak..
AThingInYourLife · 20/05/2013 22:38
"He dislikes having to listen to other people's phone conversations and was urging me to hurry up."
He knows himself that he was being a dick, that's why he was pissed off you mentioned it to your sister.
You're meant to do what he says AND protect his reputation as a good guy.
TirNaNog100 · 20/05/2013 22:41
Squeakytoy: well, I was speaking to her for quite a while in total (about five mins) but didn't want to rush her off the phone at the end (because, as I mentioned, we were discussing another sister's illness).
The reason I mentioned it to her was that I was afraid she would overhear him urging me to get off the phone.
Kiwiinkits · 20/05/2013 23:39
It's rude to speak on the phone with someone else there. It's also purile to be in a strop with someone for a whole day. He might be bossy and sensitive, but you should stop being so dramatic. Why not give each other a bit of mutual respect and forgiveness? It might go some way toward a better relationship...
TirNaNog100 · 20/05/2013 23:56
Kiwiinkits: My sister called me not vice versa. Should I not have accepted the call because I was with my husband (I do tend to be with him when I'm not working)?
Plus we were discussing something important - not the weather or the Kardashians (sp?) or whatever.
KhaosandKalamity · 21/05/2013 05:23
YANBU that was a horrible thing to say, he probably did not mean for it to be, but it was. My partner is good at that, he says horrible things in the heat of the moment, and then has to have it explained to him. Sit him down and explain how it made you feel, but try to keep it light, make sure he know you're not looking to start a fight, you just need him to know how much it hurt you and why.
livinginwonderland · 21/05/2013 07:21
Was he driving? I can't stand people talking on the phone when I'm driving and imo it is pretty rude to have a phone conversation in a confined space like that (basically forcing everyone else to listen because they don't have a choice).
He was rude to say what he did, but I also think you were rude to have a conversation in a place where he's forced to listen (and when you know he hates listening in).
TirNaNog100 · 21/05/2013 07:32
Hi linvinginwonderland: Yes, he was driving.
I wouldn't generally have a long conversation in front of him because I know he dislikes it.
However, as I said upthread, my sister was asking after our younger sister who is heavily pregnant and had been hospitalised, and whom I had recently seen. I felt that it would have been more impolite to hurry her off the phone than to annoy my husband. We weren't whittering away abut trivialities.
AThingInYourLife · 21/05/2013 07:39
So now women are not allowed to ever have telephone conversations with their husband present?
Even to give updates to family about another relative's illness?
Fucking hell, I'm glad my husband doesn't expect me to follow those kinds of rules when we are together.
If I was in the car with his DH and he took a call from one sister about his mother's illness, I can assure you I would not be badgering him to hang up the phone.
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