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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH says 'I'm good for nothing except bitching about him'. AIBU to take offence

52 replies

TirNaNog100 · 20/05/2013 22:30

Just that really.

Background: I was speaking to my sister on the phone in the car. He dislikes having to listen to other people's phone conversations and was urging me to hurry up. I felt rude rushing my sister off the phone and explained that I had to go as DH dislikes me being on the phone in the car (not said in a mean way).

He got upset, said I was bitching about him and was 'good for nothing except bitching about him'. I was so hurt that I hardly spoke to him all day, which he considered a complete over-reaction. I feel it was a very hurtful thing to say and that most people would be upset. AIBU?

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 20/05/2013 22:32

He doesn't sound very nice, OP. Why doesn't he like having to listen to your phone conversations? Did he think you should be talking to him? How long were you talking to her for?

It didn't sound as though you were bitching about him.

Is he often as casually hurtful as this?

Original poster

TirNaNog100 · 20/05/2013 22:35

I was talking to her for quite a while as we were discussing another sister, who is pregnant and ill. I don't think he thought I should be talking to him; it's just that he dislikes be forced to listen to such conversations.

OP posts:

Cherriesarelovely · 20/05/2013 22:36

Umm no, of course yanbu. What a horrible thing to say. I don't blame you for being upset. Is he always this unpleasant?

squeakytoy · 20/05/2013 22:38

so either you rushed her off the phone, or you were talking to her for quite a while..

to be honest, I would find it a bit rude if someone was on the phone for ages while they were in the car with me, and I also wouldnt want to listen in on the conversation..

and you possibly did make him sound like he was a control freak..

AThingInYourLife · 20/05/2013 22:38

"He dislikes having to listen to other people's phone conversations and was urging me to hurry up."

Bossy wanker.

He knows himself that he was being a dick, that's why he was pissed off you mentioned it to your sister.

You're meant to do what he says AND protect his reputation as a good guy.

thebody · 20/05/2013 22:39

Tell him to use ear plugs then. What a pathetic tantrum from a grown man. Knob sorry op.

Hope your sister is ok.

maddening · 20/05/2013 22:39

Was it on speaker phone?

Although that is beside the point - he shouldn't have said what he did. But if it was not on speakerphone then he is rude to dictate to you whether you can speak on the phone or not.

ExitPursuedByABear · 20/05/2013 22:39

I hate listening to other people's phone conversations, especially when dh is hands fee in the far. So I can sympathise with your dh on that point.

ExitPursuedByABear · 20/05/2013 22:40

Free

CloudsAndTrees · 20/05/2013 22:40

YANBU to take offence, it sounds like teh sort of comment that was designed to cause offence.

Original poster

TirNaNog100 · 20/05/2013 22:41

Squeakytoy: well, I was speaking to her for quite a while in total (about five mins) but didn't want to rush her off the phone at the end (because, as I mentioned, we were discussing another sister's illness).

The reason I mentioned it to her was that I was afraid she would overhear him urging me to get off the phone.

OP posts:

Original poster

TirNaNog100 · 20/05/2013 22:42

No, I was not on speakerphone. I never use that.

OP posts:

ExitPursuedByABear · 20/05/2013 22:42

I am old fashioned though and find it rude to be on the phone to one person whilst with another.

squeakytoy · 20/05/2013 22:43

oh right.. by "quite a while" I thought you meant at least 15 mins or more.. (I must be used to my MIL and her phone conversations).. so 5 minutes isnt really a lot..

And if he was verbally urging you to get off the phone then that is rude of him, I agree.

Original poster

TirNaNog100 · 20/05/2013 22:58

Just to clarify: I wasn't offended at him urging me off the phone; I minded being accused of bitching about him but what really stung was the accusation of being 'good for nothing' except that.

OP posts:

Kiwiinkits · 20/05/2013 23:39

It's rude to speak on the phone with someone else there. It's also purile to be in a strop with someone for a whole day. He might be bossy and sensitive, but you should stop being so dramatic. Why not give each other a bit of mutual respect and forgiveness? It might go some way toward a better relationship...

Original poster

TirNaNog100 · 20/05/2013 23:56

Kiwiinkits: My sister called me not vice versa. Should I not have accepted the call because I was with my husband (I do tend to be with him when I'm not working)?

Plus we were discussing something important - not the weather or the Kardashians (sp?) or whatever.

OP posts:

KhaosandKalamity · 21/05/2013 05:23

YANBU that was a horrible thing to say, he probably did not mean for it to be, but it was. My partner is good at that, he says horrible things in the heat of the moment, and then has to have it explained to him. Sit him down and explain how it made you feel, but try to keep it light, make sure he know you're not looking to start a fight, you just need him to know how much it hurt you and why.

MummaBubba123 · 21/05/2013 06:35

Erm, YES!
Just as I took offence to my husband shouting 'Why don't you just fuck off!' at me when I moaned about him waking me up the other night.
Shitty arses!

Lazyjaney · 21/05/2013 07:05

You were rude to talk long after he'd said he found it rude and to say what you did (it is), he was rude to say what he did.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 21/05/2013 07:12

He wanted you to get off the phone because he doesn't like it, but he didn't want you saying that was the reason?

What does he think you should have said?

YANBU.

livinginwonderland · 21/05/2013 07:21

Was he driving? I can't stand people talking on the phone when I'm driving and imo it is pretty rude to have a phone conversation in a confined space like that (basically forcing everyone else to listen because they don't have a choice).

He was rude to say what he did, but I also think you were rude to have a conversation in a place where he's forced to listen (and when you know he hates listening in).

Original poster

TirNaNog100 · 21/05/2013 07:32

Hi linvinginwonderland: Yes, he was driving.

I wouldn't generally have a long conversation in front of him because I know he dislikes it.

However, as I said upthread, my sister was asking after our younger sister who is heavily pregnant and had been hospitalised, and whom I had recently seen. I felt that it would have been more impolite to hurry her off the phone than to annoy my husband. We weren't whittering away abut trivialities.

OP posts:

livinginwonderland · 21/05/2013 07:35

Oh, he definitely shouldn't have been so rude to you and what he said was pretty disgusting and inexcusable, regardless of how annoyed he was!

AThingInYourLife · 21/05/2013 07:39

So now women are not allowed to ever have telephone conversations with their husband present?

Even to give updates to family about another relative's illness?

Fucking hell, I'm glad my husband doesn't expect me to follow those kinds of rules when we are together.

If I was in the car with his DH and he took a call from one sister about his mother's illness, I can assure you I would not be badgering him to hang up the phone.

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