To think 1st born children get the better start.

[McNewPants2013]

Just thinking from my pov.

Pfb had me for 3 years before PSB arrived, in those 3 years he had total 1-1 attention from me, we went swimming a lot also the park and holidays. I just had more time for ds as an only children

When dd was born I had to spread my time with the 2 children.

I wouldn't say I have a stronger bond for pfb as I love my children for different reasons and I have a different bond.

But do you think first born children have a better start in life.

There are pros and cons in both situations, a PFB has the undivided attention, new things, likely more money etc but then they can get sidelines when a new child comes along.

A second child makes much much more of an impact on finances, is likely to have more second hand items etc but benefits from parents being wiser in baby things.

Achievement wise, i dont think how well they do at school and as adults has anything to do with being first or second born etc. Thats more down to parents work ethic, involvement with school, providing extra ciricular hobbies etc.

Actually birth order might make quite an interesting thread.

DS got undivided attention for 3 years, yes.Pretty much everything he can do, I taught him. Then his world was blown apart by DD arriving. Probably the most lifechanging event that will ever happen to him, and one over which he had no control. He likes his sister as a person, but hates this!

DD has always shared me, time etc and is far more contented to do so. She had also had a live-in role model from Day 1, and is hitting developmental milestones earlier than DS, because she has someone to keep up with.

i'm a middle child (3 of 4). The confident achievers, gregarious lives and souls of the party are my eldest and youngest siblings.

I think they get a different start, but not necessarily better. As childhood goes on, there are advantages and disadvantages to each birth position. I think it all evens out in the end.

I know I don't remember the first few years and can't imagine how it would have been different if I was dc1 but I think I'm the person I am today and have gained so many positive things growing up with my 2 big sisters. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way!!

I have twins, they are my only dc. Does that mean they get the best of both worlds or are they completely screwed ?

Not sure - my second (middle child) learn to interact with his older sister and is far less shy and more sociable as a result. He still got one to one time as she (PFB) went to nursery. Also benefited from more confident parents! He is much more driven than DD and will probably be a higher achiever.

Many people have DC2 when DC1 is about 2.5years, because of reasons of having them close together so they can be friends when older? less time before returning to work? It's not (generally) the best time for DC1 to have a baby land in their lives though. At 4 years they are better prepared to cope with a new sibling. So I've read.

Makes sense to me. 2 to 3 years seems like a rubbish time from the child's pov.

My DC1 was definitely more actively parented than DC2: baby groups, reading, playing, pushing for the next 'stage'.

DC2 just has to go with the flow. I do try to spend quality time with her while DC1 is at nursery but it's nothing like the constant quest for the perfect learning environment that was DC1's babyhood. DC2 was six months old a few weeks ago and I thought, "Oh, right, better start weaning her then I suppose,' whereas with DC1 I had read at least three different books on weaning, agonised over the 'best' highchair, bought special food...

I am the eldest; I've had expectation, responsibility and strict limits placed on me - as a result I'm an independent high achiever.

The twins (12 years my junior) are spoilt, pampered and indulged. They had time without me there because I was sent away to school (because of them!) and they are about as capable of acting independently as toddlers. Thanks to my mother they have been given most of the same 'rewards' as I had at their age...except I actually had to earn them.

Double standards suck!

Achievement wise, my older sibling did better, but I am far happier. Sadly I can see the same pattern emerging in my very young dc.

Not as much time but a way more relaxed parent.

Although the first one gets time on their own with you at the beginning the last one to leave home gets your undivided attention then. After DD had left home and just DS was left I think we developed a closer relationship, we talked more and discussed life and his future etc more than when they were both at home so it can work both ways.

Yeah, when my sister was unemployed for a little while her and mum got to watch pingu every day together. I never got that.

I'm the youngest of four and my cousin and best friend growing up was the oldest of six. Lots of pluses and minuses to both. For her I think the biggest issue was not getting to spend enough time with her mum. For me the worst thing was having far too much time with my mother!

My two are only 16mths apart, and I don't think that ds can recall life without dd. Also we had a nanny with her own little boy looking after him before dd arrived, so he didn't have enough one on one to really miss it (plus he was very independent from day one).

My mother said that having children is like making pancakes, the first one always turns out a bit different/holey (my poor big sister!) but I don't think she was that great by the time I came along (very good with children, terrible with teens).

See, I think my PSB has it better in a lot of ways.

There's an 18-month gap between my two and when we've progressed DC1 onto something, we've sort of done it with DC2 at the same time, so she's being pushed to do things a lot sooner and takes it in her stride.

I feel like she will be far more school-ready, for example, than DS because she will have had a lot longer to practice stuff and be more self-reliant than him...

That is, if I think about it for too long and beat myself up about it, which I'm not very prone to doing.

No - all the mistakes are made with the first born. I'm a second/youngest child and my parents were more chilled out with me, hence why my older sister is neurotic and I am more horizontal than Lindsay Lohan on a big night.

Of my 3 I'd not choose to be pfb. I'm so anxious about her. So desperate to Get It Right. It puts pressure on her. The other two... eh... they just get on with things. They are more relaxed and confident as a result.

I am child 2 of 2. 2.5 years between older one and me.

I got to do more than sister did because she was doing it, I got to stay up later because she was doing it. As a small child I had someone to terrorise, and older toys about to play with, which probably helped development. I spoke and walked earlier, which some would put down to copying what older child was doing. As others have said, I was taken swimming earlier because sister was taken to lessons at the same time as Duckling Club.

She got the undivided attention, the 'proper' way of doing things rather than the 'oh balls to it, this'll shut her up whilst I read big child a bedtime story', and the more consideration on weaning and things, whereas my weaning was whatever fit in with having to deal with two.

Swings and roundabouts, innit.

Apparently first borns live longer but are more prone to being neurotic .

I am child 2 of 2. 2.5 years between older one and me.

I got to do more than sister did because she was doing it, I got to stay up later because she was doing it. As a small child I had someone to terrorise, and older toys about to play with, which probably helped development. I spoke and walked earlier, which some would put down to copying what older child was doing. As others have said, I was taken swimming earlier because sister was taken to lessons at the same time as Duckling Club.

She got the undivided attention, the 'proper' way of doing things rather than the 'oh balls to it, this'll shut her up whilst I read big child a bedtime story', and the more consideration on weaning and things, whereas my weaning was whatever fit in with having to deal with two.

Swings and roundabouts, innit.

I can agree. DS wasn't an easy baby and he got (and still gets) my undivided attention. I cannot see how it would be physically possible to do the same with a second child if there's a toddler in tow.

That said, I have learnt a few lessons from the first time so I think I'd be a little more efficient if DC2 ever decides to make an appearance.