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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel time poor and cash poor

51 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 17/05/2013 22:03

DH and I work FT and have 2 dc, we live a normal life and yet feel pushed all the time in terms of what we can and can't afford. There is little money for extra's yet we seem to work as much as we can. Of course IANBU but wonder how many others feel this squeeze

OP posts:
chickydoo · 18/05/2013 23:59

Both work FT here.
I actually work odd hours, but work 7 days a week, ( but still adds up to 40 hours a week) it's knackering not actually having a full day off.
4 kids, 3 teens one little one.
DH last had a pay rise in 2003, I last had a pay rise in 2002. I have just upped & upped my hours to earn a bit more. I could add some extra hours, but one of us needs to be around for the kids.
It is tough, & I can't really see a light at the end of the tunnel.

harverina · 19/05/2013 00:22

You are not being unreasonable - I k know that I am in an extremely fortunate position to have the job that I have, a car and a decent sized house BUT I just can't believe how little disposable income we have in a month despite dh working full time as an engineer and me working almost full time too. We both have fairly decent salaries (for our area) and the only real way to increase them would be to apply for promoted posts. I am pregnant though so can't do that right now.

We are fortunate enough to have dd's grans look after her 3 days per week, so we only have 1 days childcare to pay for. Can't imagine how we would cope with full time child care costs Shock

Don't get me wrong, we do have treats in terms of what we throw in our trolley - we don't really cap the spending on our shop and do put in what some people may refer to as luxuries like wine and beer (alcohol free now that I am pregnant). My dd does do activities like soft play a couple of times per month. We occasionally eat out at our local pub (cheap!) so I guess from that viewpoint we do things that we enjoy.

I guess I could budget more with all of the above to get bigger luxuries - like a better summer holiday.

The house that we bought really stretched us but i look at friends on similar or less salaries and think "how the hell do they afford that?!" In relation to houses, holidays, cars, clothes etc. maybe they are budgeting more day to day? Who knows!

TheSecondComing · 19/05/2013 00:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deleted203 · 19/05/2013 00:46

Us. Always been poor, always will be Grin.

I work FT as a teacher. DH works about 70 hours a week - self employed. We have 5 DCs. (Although 2 are sort of self supporting...uni age).

We are always skint and never have any free time. I occasionally wonder why we have so little money - never have foreign holidays, don't have an exciting lifestyle, etc. Mortgage isn't particularly large. (Bills are though! Large, draughty, old Victorian property).

We sort of shrug and get on with it. And eye up the DCs and wonder when they will leave home and if we will be too old to enjoy ourselves by then. Grin

maristella · 19/05/2013 09:05

I can absolutely relate. I'm a single parent, working 2 jobs, 1 of which is FT, and I'm not breaking even.

Before the recession I worked out what I'd need to earn to be able to save. I'm earning £10k above that amount and I'm heavily in debt Hmm
My spending habits have changed dramatically. I didn't have to worry about not having good or petrol, I used to do a bit of clothes shopping here and there. Now I'm constantly juggling a few quid, frantically trying to ensure we have food, gas and electric, and that I have enough fuel to do my jobs.

And I'm fucking exhausted. I get so tired I sometimes just cry. On the way home from work last week I was in tears because I just wanted to get home, eat, and sleep, but I had a 2 hour cleaning shift to fit in. Hmm

gallifrey · 19/05/2013 09:34

sorry that sounded horrible :(

I am in the same situation, my DH is on a really good salary but I don't work because of ill health. We have 2 dd's one at school and a 2 yr old.
We go £2000 a month overdrawn all the time because of our basic outgoings.
I don't have any credit cards but DH has a couple which he is trying to clear so we are debt free.
We have no chance of ever saving up for a deposit although getting a mortgage would be fine because of his salary. So we are stuck paying £1000 a month in rent :(

harverina · 19/05/2013 12:49

I feel bad for moaning now Hmm

Maris you sound like you work so hard - there is something wrong with this country when working 2 jobs means you are still totally skint, despite you being careful and having no luxuries Hmm

cory · 19/05/2013 13:05

I have far more time now that I am earning a little more: there are all sorts of corners you can cut with just that extra bit of money.

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 19/05/2013 13:36

Maris that sounds awful.

Harverina our situations sound similar and while we do spend a lot on food and yes we could eat more cheaply if we had to, it is one of our 'luxuries'. I have just noticed over the last few years that the cushion of cash we had month to month has been eroded away by rising prices to the extent that we have no cushion and have to budget to buy clothes for the children etc. At one time we could buy pretty much what we wanted and know there would be enough money for it

OP posts:
Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 19/05/2013 13:37

and TSC it certainly is. We never go out these days though and count our weekly food shop as in part our 'entertaining' budget ever though we do it at home

OP posts:
Fairyliz · 19/05/2013 13:56

Well it does eventually get better as you pay off your mortgage and the kids grow up so no childcare costs. Unfortunately by that time you will be like me too knackered from working to go out and spend it!

spidersandslugs · 19/05/2013 14:12

If one of you didn't work ft or at all, you maybe eligible for tax credits. You've paid your taxes, so why not some time out? Or are you worried that may damage your career op?

spidersandslugs · 19/05/2013 14:40

If one of you didn't work ft or at all, you maybe eligible for tax credits. You've paid your taxes, so why not some time out? Or are you worried that may damage your career op?

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 19/05/2013 14:43

spiders no tax credits here in the Channel Islands. Plus neither of us have the option to work pt. Fairy thats what I'm hoping, that it will start to ease up soon!

OP posts:
spidersandslugs · 19/05/2013 14:53

Funny, £200 pw even in Waitrose is a bit ridiculous. Do you batch cook, have a couple meat free dinners per week, watch your portion sizes? We spend around that per month!

spidersandslugs · 19/05/2013 14:56

Sorry funny, didn't realise it was different there. I really respect ft working families. I would love to get back into full time work but it just doesn't pay. Infact I'd probably be working just to cover childcare costs, etc.

spidersandslugs · 19/05/2013 14:58

Btw, Yanbu to feel time & cash starved, although I think you could work on lowering the cost of your weekly shop to free up some cash.

williaminajetfighter · 19/05/2013 15:02

OP I think the majority of families feel the way you do. Lots of posters on MN over the last year saying the same thing. It's the long slow slog of the recession upon us and gives real credence to the phrase 'the squeezed middle'.

I have one DD have always worked FT as has DP. Despite this we are far worse off than we were 4 years ago due to rising cost of food, utilities, petrol and most consumer goods. Couldnt contemplate a holiday and certainly was very unsure if i could afford a second DC. Most of my friends-on varying salaries- say the same thing. Going to be crass and say my salary is 50k, DP is 40k. Between us we made 20k less 4 years ago but seemed much better off.

I don't know when things are going to ease but I suppose the important thing is to know you are not alone. As for the people who seem to have a lot of disposable income I imagine it must be thx to credit cards, family help, the state.

Ps. Hi Harv from Nov bus!

TheSecondComing · 19/05/2013 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 19/05/2013 22:33

thing is TSC we are in Jersey and have a choice of 2 supermarkets. The food prices here are miles higher than the uk.

We came to the UK on holiday at easter and the food prices alone even at Sainsbo's were almost enough to make us consider moving back. We would spend half what we do if we lived in the UK. We cook mostly from scratch too

OP posts:
Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 19/05/2013 22:36

oh and the Waitrose is a Jersey concession version where the prices are at least 10% higher than the UK

OP posts:
AudrinaAdare · 19/05/2013 23:07

YANBU. I am very sorry for your troubles, but it makes me feel even sorrier for the many people of our generation who haven't been privileged to have had decent upbringings / free university education leading to professional jobs and savings cushions.

I am a former teacher. My DS is severely disabled. DD also has a life-threatening condition which requires me to be on call day and night. I can't work although I am lucky in that DH can. Prices for everything are rising. I honestly don't know how I would cope without the advantages that I have had.

harverina · 19/05/2013 23:15

I actually don't think that £200 per week on food is that excessive - it's high but not that unreasonable, especially for a family who does not eat out. I'm sure most people could cut their weekly food shop down a bit by buying own brands, only buying certain items when there are offers etc (like soap powder) but like you funny I consider some of the food items as part of our little treats so this is what bumps my food bill up. If I really had to I could cut my shop quite easily - but I don't think it would make a huge difference to my life - for example it certainly wouldn't pay for a foreign holiday. It would just mean that dh and I would be a little miserable on a Saturday night without our crisps and dip haha!!

I really don't know why other people with similar lives seem more able to enjoy proper luxuries though - maybe they have inherited? Maybe behind closed doors they are sitting with their heating off and eating bread and water Wink to pay for their dream holiday every year.

harverina · 19/05/2013 23:15

Oh and hi williamina!!! Grin

williaminajetfighter · 19/05/2013 23:27

Harv I think a lot of people on avg incomes made money through property. You're in the west if Scotland, correct? I knew a lot of people in Glasgow who bought a flat for very little in the 90s/early 2000s and saw the value shoot up. May be the same for other places in the north like Manchester etc.

I also think if you started working at 18 vs 25 you've had longer to earn and pay off mortgages/save. That's 7 years - a long time. It's not true that those who didn't follow the University path are necessarily worse off than those that did, obviously.

Sorry to go off piste. It totally baffles me too how others seem to get by with no difficulty.

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