Tina Mallone Pregnant at 50

[Lickitysplit]

AIBU to think it is crazy that Tina Malolne (from Shameless) is pregnant at 50 by donor egg?

[noddyholder]

Her age is the least of her worries She seems quite unstable

[PeppermintPasty]

But this is where Feegle's point about life being unpredictable unravels your argument. I was born when my dad was 50 and my mum 32. My dad lived an active life until 6 weeks before his death at 91.

He was the prime force and greatest positive influence in my life.

It's not an attitude driven by outright selfishness, it's more for me a feeling that a lot of good things are possible in life, which I daresay sounds a bit airy fairy for some.

[HeffalumpTheFlump]

I don't think it unravels the other side of the argument. I think it's simply down to who is willing to take that chance and who isn't. I know statistically speaking if I were to have a child at 50, there is a higher chance of me dying/becoming ill while the child is still young. I'm not personally willing to take that chance.

[pumpkinsweetie]

Goodluck to her is what I say.
She isn't short of cash and is in the best situation she could be in to bring up a child, the child will be loved and want for nothing.

I have no objections to older mums, and age is nothing but a number up to a certain point. I think ivf should be given to women over 57 as they are nearing 60 which is very, very unfair on the child. Obviously if nature has it's way, then that's different as it was natures will and meant to be.

[pumpkinsweetie]

shouldn't not should

[TheCraicDealer]

But if they want a child so badly, it is surely because they want to love them and give them the best they possibly could

Nah, doesn't work like that. There are plenty of instances where people do mad things to have a child, but their reasoning isn't always straightforward. I'm thinking of that couple 10-15 years ago who bought the twins from the US and subsequent reports noticed that they weren't tip-top at caring for them before they were removed by social services.

I don't see a problem with having a baby at 50. 50 is comparatively young these days, most people might be knackered but would be able to cope through the baby, toddler, and primary school years. Secondary school might be alright as well, although by that stage many people would be feeling the reduction in mobility, increase in "niggly" health problems, etc.

So once your child gets to uni, they are likely to be faced with at least one parent who has ongoing health problems and all the limitations that imposes. And if they're an only child, they'll be in the position of a sole carer at a very young age when they should be building a career, having fun and seeing the world, or starting their own family. If they're lucky and have an older sibling (like Tina Malone) to share the load they'll still lack a peer with whom to offload to, who'll truly understand their position.

Coupled with all this is the reduction in pension entitlements and benefits that are gradually encroaching. For someone who's fifty now this might be feasible financially , but by the time my generation is that age I think economics will probably play a part in many people not going down this road.

Having said all that, I don't think "shame on you!" for anyone, male or female, making this choice. I just don't think it's a fabulous idea, all things considered.

[ItsallisnowaFeegle]

here

The link above talks about life expectancy, not obviously, health. Women (and men) are living well into their 80's, on average.

However, I work in a sector supporting hard to reach and vulnerable groups and was recently at a neighbourhood meeting where I discovered that according to statistics (not that I'm the biggest fan of stats but it serves to prove a point) within one particular borough, there are two smaller areas. Separated by nothing in particular, except that in one area a higher percentage of residents were long-term unemployed and lives in social housing. The other area had a higher percentage of working home-owners and due to this, were expected to live 10 years longer than their counterparts. Obviously, it's not as black and white as all that, there are other factors, but the other factors stem, in the majority, from their housing and employment status.

Bowlers I understand your point and your choice is the right one for you, I just believe that women also have the right to make an alternative choice, one that's right for them.

My whole argument is that who are we, as women, to believe it's right to criticise a woman for exercising her choice?

everlong why do you automatically assume that if an older mother dies, her partner wont be willing/ able to parent their DC? Or that there wont be adequate help and support from family?

[gordyslovesheep]

Everlong my friend dies at 32 from cancer - she left children behind - shit happens regardless of age

My mum is 68 and off on her own on an 8 week camping trip round Europe - she if very far from infirm or frail and probably will be for a good few years to come

If fear of dying was a reason not to have kids then none of us should! You could be hit by a bus tomorrow

[pumpkinsweetie]

gordy has made a very good point there.
You can die at any age, from anything, no-one knows what is round the corner in the roller coaster we call Life. We all take chances, and they all have risks, but sometimes as individuals we do what is best for us as people and hope for the best.

[Bowlersarm]

gordy yes anyone could be hit by a bus tomorrow. The probability is that they won't.

The chances of dying/ill health are much greater in your 50's/60's than 30's/40's.

Probably why nature made the design for fertility to drop late 40's don't you think?

[Kewcumber]

I am an adoptive parent - I am no stranger to truly shit parenting that has life long implications for children even after that parenting has been terminated.

Being 50 is so far down on my radar screen in the "Shouldn't ever have been a parent" stakes that I can't summon up the enthusiasm for an opinion on whomever this woman is.

[HeffalumpTheFlump]

My whole argument is that who are we, as women, to believe it's right to criticise a woman for exercising her choice?

I've got to say, by choosing the career she has and putting herself and her business so much in the public eye TM has invited the public to have opinions on her life and the choices she makes. I thought the whole point of celebrities declaring every part of their lives in the media was to get people to talk about them and increase their celebrity status. That's what we are all doing so I don't feel it's so out of line to give our opinions on her choosing to have a baby at 50.

[Saski]

^gordy has made a very good point there.
You can die at any age, from anything, no-one knows what is round the corner in the roller coaster we call Life. We all take chances, and they all have risks, but sometimes as individuals we do what is best for us as people and hope for the best.^

That anyone can die at any time is not a good point in this particular context, IMO.

[Lambzig]

As someone who has grown up without a mother since the age of 6 months I think I have the right to say that I was surrounded by loving people, especially aunts and have never had more than a mild curiosity about what might have been.

People have different experiences, what is so hard to understand.

[ItsallisnowaFeegle]

What about younger family members? Who's to say they'll be of a similar age? And as for why should they? I'm not suggesting they should but I certainly would be available to help and support the people I love.

At Bowlers hitting your head. Don't it's not worth the concussion. I agree with gordy, as I've mentioned in previous posts but I do get what you're saying statistically. But life is for living and loving and my beliefs are probably too woo for a lot of people.

Are you healthy, happy, able to provide a loving and stable environment for your DC? No matter what age, these are the questions I'd be asking of myself. If I wasn't up to it, then i'd agree it wouldn't be right or fair to bring a child into the world but that would be my choice and I'd be the one to live with the ensuing consequences of the choice I made.

[higgle]

tcd - You paint a very gloomy picture of quality of life for people in their late sixties! I'm 56 and have a number of friends in the 60-70ish age bracket and they tend to be very active and fit, quite a few compete in our local half marathon, most are keen cyclists and they sail, go on walkiing holidays etc. Surely if you have a child at 50 and are reasonably affluent you will not be a couch potato with age related health problems in your 60's - goodness, most of us will be working until 66 anway now.

[ItsallisnowaFeegle]

Heffalump - as I've stated, you as well as everyone else have an opinion valid as the next.

This thread hasn't only focused on TM. It's been largely about, for me, supporting women in their choices.

I wholly understand the posters who've said 'it wouldn't be for me' my point is who are we to tell anyone else that it isn't for them or it shouldn't be and find it bizarre that some posters have gone as far as saying older women shouldn't have the same rights on deciding to have a child that is afforded to younger women.

It's that attitude that sticks in my craw, not those of the opinion that it'd be the wrong choice for them, IYSWIM?

[diplodocus]

I had my last child in at 43. It wasn't a choice I would have made if my circumstances were different, and I put a lot of thought into it. Of course I worry about not being there / fit as DC grow up BUT I stand at the school gates with women 10 years younger than me who are morbidly obese, smoke 20 a day and never exercise. Based on actuarial principles they are probably at least as likely to die before their child grows up as me. No one says you shouldn't have a child in those circumstances. A lot of younger parents also seem to have far less less energy than me. I do think as an older mother it's important to do what you can to mitigate risk (although obviously there's no guarantee - we all know people with exemplary lifestyles that died prematurely) but to say it's selfish and irresponsible is, I think, narrow-minded and not looking at the whole picture.

[Latara]

My first thought on reading this was ''good for her, hope she'll be happy & stay healthy for the child''.

On reading about gordy's mother off on a camping trip round Europe on her own i think that's amazing, i don't have the guts to do that at my age let alone 68. Hope she has fun!

[ItsallisnowaFeegle]

I think it's extremely unfortunate that your personal experiences weren't positive everlong but I think Lamb is a perfect example of how positive family support can be crucial to a child.

I believe positive parenting and the support of extended family is always vital, whether or not a parent dies. It's just not about age for me.

As Kew, quite rightly points out, age is so far down on what makes for a shite parent. It's ridiculous, to me, to say a woman's age should bar her from offering a loving home to a wanted child.