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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Primary schools should ask less of parents?

138 replies

wonderstuff · 16/05/2013 12:00

Supporting education is vital, reading, supporting maths, spelling homework in general I'm cool with.

But today I got an email that requests next Thursday I dress dd in a green top and brown trousers so she looks like a tree, all the children are having a tree themed muffty day. They are having an Eco day, guest speakers all fantastic stuff, it's a great school, but short notice, very specific requests like this are frustrating dd doesn't have a green top, I am fortunate in having the means to go get her one, but it seems a real imposition.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?

OP posts:
RubyGates · 17/05/2013 07:21

I'm still raging over the Christmas play. "Oh didn't we tell you that we want them all dressed in white tomorrow?"

Erm, no. You didn't. Who keeps white clothes suitable for a chilly hall for a dirt-magnet toddler?
NO-ONE that's who. Idiots.

And you still haven't managed to find the hand-made tudor shifts I lent you last year so you could dress the little darlings as angels. 5 of them. (I charge £80 each for them). "Oh we put them in the wash, I can't think where they've got to". Grrrrrrrrr. Angry.

tourdefrance · 17/05/2013 08:48

Wow this makes me think we're really lucky with ds's school. Have had a few non uniform days and for red nose day it was wear something red or funny. Ds went as father Christmas using my outfit from a fun run a few years ago. Nursery are actually worse. DS2 is there and have had silver to be bell in the nativity, spots for children in need and next month pink for breast cancer. I've already told them there are no pink clothes in our house so will be asking mums of girls there if I can borrow something.
We've also had the bear he from nursery so he can have adventures and write a diary. For a 2 year old ffs!!

FryOneFatManic · 17/05/2013 09:07

Ruby why don't you go back to the school and tell them that as they appear to be lost, you will unfortunately have to charge the school the full cost of these tudor shifts. I would not be surprised if they suddenly find them after all.

FryOneFatManic · 17/05/2013 09:14

Luckily for me DS's school is pretty relaxed. As DS doesn't really like dressing up, he simply takes in a small charity donation and wear uniform. His choice!

On Children in Need day, I made a few triangular scarfs out of a bit of spotty material, splitting the cost with another mum. Re-usable for future years at a cost of 50p per scarf. DS likes red so we always have something in red to cover red nose days. And everything else seems optional.

freddiefrog · 17/05/2013 09:29

Our school is quite bad at this too.

My year 6 DD finished her SATs yesterday and as a treat they're having a beach themed day today so can they come in dressed up - ie grass skirts, Bermuda shorts, etc. They told us this at 3pm yesterday. A) it's bloody freezing and B) we live in the arse end of nowhere, where the heck am I supposed to get a grass skirt from with 18 hours notice

We seem to have a constant stream of onesie days, or wear a spotty t-shirt day, or please bring in cakes that we will sell for 25p days.

I wonder if they think we have a bottomless cupboard in our houses full of random tat, just in case we need to pull out a squirrel costume with 5 minutes notice

iseenodust · 17/05/2013 09:58

DS has been trained to accept his mother has no creative talents & won't be spending a fortune. I refuse to get competitive about any of it. I do think though dressing up for book day is the better one (Disney princess outfits should be banned Grin). It can trigger conversations between the DC about who you are, what book, what happens, why do you like it. Conversations most self-respecting 9 yr old boys would never otherwise hold.

ChewingOnLifesGristle · 17/05/2013 09:58

'I wonder if they think we have a bottomless cupboard in our houses full of random tat, just in case we need to pull out a squirrel costume with 5 minutes notice'

Yes!! That must be what they think.

It's the assumption that we're all on standby for our next 'parent's project' that gets me. The easy bit is cooking up this madness in the staffroom, then it's dumped on us to achieve. Why must they default to dressing up for everything?Confused Can't they teach imaginatively without it?Hmm

pussycatwillum · 17/05/2013 11:07

When I was teaching the same would be asked of the staff and plenty of muttering went on in the staff room. One Head announced a clown day and insisted that staff had to hire costumes for the day (at our own expense of course).

pumpkinsweetie · 17/05/2013 11:14

Non-uniform day is nice for children and normally brings with it nice donations to charity, but when it does become annoying is when certain colours or costumes are needed as it normally costs money, or time you don't have. I'm lucky as mine have never had days of certain outfits, only world book day where they are required to wear an outfit of any character and mufti days where they can wear home clothes.

I feel sorry for all these parents that have to rummage, beg, be cash strapped for these silly last minute costumes & the like.

amidaiwish · 17/05/2013 11:24

Top tip: make friends with a parent with older kids and borrow everything... Isn't that what most of us do?

chocoluvva · 17/05/2013 11:28

YANBU. The tone of the letter is bossy. "We were hoping that the children would come to school wearing things that represent trees," or suchlike would get my back up less than a thoughtless request to find a green top and brown trousers.

There are two trees in my garden - a copper beech (I think), which has no green on it and another one which still has pink blossom.

I am indignant and despairing of the educational value on your behalf.

Glittertwins · 17/05/2013 11:30

We had similar this week. Note in the book bag on Tuesday about dressing up as a wild animal Friday. I told the teacher "forget it". I have said before I need a weekend in which to either go and buy required items or the materials necessary to make something. Since I work Tues-Friday until 5:30pm, I have no opportunity to buy anything.
Looks like most of the children were in those "onesies" however both DH and I hate them and we refuse to buy things like this or other things we don't have for one specific day. We are lucky in that financially we can afford it but one of those reasons is that we don't fritter it away on silly things like this would be for us.

freddiefrog · 17/05/2013 11:34

It's the assumption that we're all on standby for our next 'parent's project' that gets me

Yes! Totally!

It seems to be assumed that I'm sitting here, with crepe paper and papier mâché at the ready, awaiting instructions.

Yesterday, I was told 'oh, it's easy to make a grass skirt, some green crepe paper strips stapled to a ribbon'. Yes, easy, assuming I have a cupboard fully stocked with green crepe paper and ribbon.

Make a neck garland with strong and tissue paper flowers - ok, but I don't have any tissue paper to make the bloody flowers.

If I'd been told earlier in the week we could have done something, but I can't pull crepe paper and tissue paper out of my arse

And we had other plans last night, I wasn't here to make the bloody grass skirt and flower garland, assuming I suddenly had the ability to magic the required materials up from the contents of my house

Ok, rant over. The school is generally fab but sometimes I wonder if anyone actually considers we may have lives out of school

Alligatorpie · 17/05/2013 11:42

Quangle - that is hilarious!!! Not sure about the food in Burkina Faso, But i had some pretty amazing seafood in Guam.

soverylucky · 17/05/2013 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alligatorpie · 17/05/2013 11:56

Pussycat - clown day would be awful. Lots of children are scared of clowns. I hope it didn't happen.

chocoluvva · 17/05/2013 11:57

The difficulty soverylucky is that the children want to please their teacher and be like the other pupils. You need to persuade lots of other parents to not be bossed around by the school too so that your children doesn't feel different/left out.

pumpkinsweetie · 17/05/2013 11:57

Confused At clown day! Frightened adults and frightened children, I can see that going down really well (pulls sarcastic face)Hmm

merrymouse · 17/05/2013 11:59

No you are not being unreasonable.

The irony is that the easiest way, (possibly only if you don't have friends/family with similar age children who can lend you clothes or time to go to second hand shops), to comply with this request is to go to the kind of shop that supplies cheap, non-eco friendly clothes manufactured the other side of the world.

There are plenty of tree related activities that don't involve dressing up, many of which children do spontaneously themselves (climbing trees, collecting leaves, building dens, building miniature forests from twigs, making things out of old bits of bark and sticks) that would be far more relevant than wearing new clothes.

In fact, I think dressing up children (as opposed to them playing at dressing up themselves) is an incredibly patronising way to teach. Providing some bolts of brown and green cloth/old curtains, and other junk materials and giving the children the opportunity to make a class tree sculpture or letting them make their own costumes would be far more relevant than sending parents in a mad scramble to Primark for new clothes.

Mumsyblouse · 17/05/2013 12:01

Wild animal Friday? I am despairing that anyone would think the best way to get children excited and educated about wild animals, with all the amazing BBC documentaries, online resources and so on, is to sit in their tiger onesie. It's just not education, really, is it?

soverylucky · 17/05/2013 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BornInACrossFireHurricane · 17/05/2013 12:06

I am Shock at some of the prices mentioned for residential trips! What worries me is I have twins so will be hit twice at the same time. They have just turned 2... I think I need to start saving!

boffin I am just appalled at how you and your son were treated. Glad he's at a better school now

Glittertwins · 17/05/2013 12:07

They have gone in wild animal t-shirts / socks that were bought for them in Australia/US/Sth Africa instead. And yes to the BBC documentaries about animals too especially as they are wonderfully narrated.

Glittertwins · 17/05/2013 12:08

Posted too soon.... We also have twins so its a double whammy at the same time.

Miggsie · 17/05/2013 12:23

At DD's old school these days were just a demonstration of:
1)The mums who have tons of cash and buys top of the range dressing up stuff
2)The SAHM who could sew and spend days and days making costumes the NAtional Theatre would pay for
3)...and everyone else.

after 3 years we were well aware who had lots of time and or money or neither of either.

Frankly it would have been easier just to get badges permanently laminated to the mums.

I would have given £5 happily not to partake. Worst thing was they awarded prizes - and always to the same people whose mums had lots of cash or lots of sewing talent. Total waste of time. DD got sick of it and said she was never bothering again. Shortly after that we moved her to another school where we discovered they never ever do dressing up days.