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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Proms

26 replies

AngieCW · 15/05/2013 10:02

My daughter and I have been spending a lot of time looking for a beautiful prom dress, looking at choices for hairdos, jewellery, shoes, transport etc. I have been really supportive (and generous) but last night was devastated when she announced that she also requires another outfit for the after prom party. Is this really necessary and am I being unreasonable? Please help I feel a bit cheated today. Thanks Mums.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 15/05/2013 10:03

How old is she?

If the after prom party is more of a clubbing type thing I can understand wanting another outfit BUT I would be telling her to wear something she has!

ClementineKelandra · 15/05/2013 10:04

The whole thing is unnecessary.

CocacolaMum · 15/05/2013 10:06

can we go back to leavers discos now please? < wanders off grumbling about the Americanisation of everyfuckinthing >

squeakytoy · 15/05/2013 10:06

wtf is an "after prom party" ???

tell her to wear her normal bloody clothes!

aderynlas · 15/05/2013 10:06

My daughter had the lovely dress etc, but for the afterprom party just got a dress from topshop that cost £10, thought she looked just as pretty in that to be honest. Hope your daughter has a lovely time.

Original poster

AngieCW · 15/05/2013 10:14

She is sixteen in August - her and her mates are great girls but aren't they missing the point? - I didn't even get changed after my wedding!

OP posts:

niceguy2 · 15/05/2013 10:21

YANBU, The whole prom thing drives me mad since I have a DD who is also planning hers.

What I did was set her a (generous) budget and let her sort it out herself. Of course she's not 100% happy about it but then personally I think a budget of £200 is more than generous given she has no job!

UnChartered · 15/05/2013 10:25

'after prom party'

isn't the prom 'the party'?

TidyDancer · 15/05/2013 11:09

I hate that this horrible prom shit is creeping into UK schools.

Tell your DD if she is desperate for the dress, she can fund it herself.

ChaoticTranquility · 15/05/2013 11:44

DD had a prom but there was no after prom party. That's a new one on me.

ChaoticTranquility · 15/05/2013 11:48

Dress was about £90, inc p&p, jewellery £5, bag £18 and shoes £25. She did her own hair and make up. Transport was her dad taking her to her school where transport to the venue was laid on and picking her up again/dropping her off here at the end of the evening.

Agree with TidyDancer about your DD funding her own dress.

Wouldntyouliketoknow · 15/05/2013 12:37

Yes, she needs to either buy something for the after-party herself, or wear something she already owns.

This seems to be a new thing - the after-party for my prom (about 10 years ago) was just at someone's house, and we just stayed in our prom dresses! Where are they all going to get changed?

teenagetantrums · 15/05/2013 12:42

no don't do it, im in the middle of prom hell, if she wants to get changed let her take something she already has, so expensive for one night, its not like they will wear the dress again, we have no money and her granddad is paying for the dress, still all the rest of the stuff get..

Goldmandra · 15/05/2013 12:42

DD1's 'after prom' is a camp-out on a friend's farm where they are all going to burn their exercise books. They are all going home to get changed into jeans first. That seems like an appropriate 'after prom' to me.

If it is just a second party they should stay in their prom outfits. Surely all the other parents aren't buying a second outfit?

soverylucky · 15/05/2013 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AberdeenAngusina · 15/05/2013 12:49

DDs after-prom was at someone's house and she just changed into jeans and a top. They went straight from after-prom to school next morning, so they all worn something they could sleep on the floor in. Then changed into school uniform and off to school.

AFAIK, part of the point of the after-prom is to drink alcohol, as the school makes sure there is no alcohol at the prom itself.

IrritatingInfinity · 15/05/2013 13:18

My DD has her prom coming up and she (and I ) are loving every minute of the preparation. It's fun and it is nice to spend time with her.

You don't need to spend much if you don't want to. When we were shopping for a dress she tried on several lovely dresses that were less than £30 - they looked great.

She is going to do her hair and make up herself. Her shoes were £40 but as we are both the same size we can both wear them afterwards so they will get plenty of use. Transport is costing £7
She is working really hard for her GCSEs and I think it is nice for her to have something exciting to look forward to. Isn't that the whole point?
I don't understand why people are do against the 'proms' . There is nothing inherently wrong with things just because they are American and a different to what we did when we were their age. There are a million and one Americanisms that have crept into the UK way of life. I don't get why Proms seem to grate over all the others perhaps, with the exception of baby showers, they don't go down well either
My DD has an after prom party dress, it cost £25 and will be worn again and again. It is a short black sequinned Coast dress reduced from £185 She looks stunning in it. My DD works as a babysitter and is paying for everything except her main dress which we are happily paying for. If we were skint she would pay for that too.
I am picking her and her friends up from the after prom party at 2 in the morning.

I don't see the problems with Proms at all.

GetOrfMoiLand · 15/05/2013 13:21

Tell her to get stuffed.

Honestly. If she wants an after prom outfit she can wear something she already owns, borrow something or fork out for it jherself out of her own money.

I think you should tell her she is being cheeky.

GetOrfMoiLand · 15/05/2013 13:22

Oh and I really like e whole prom thing. I quite happily spent a lot of money on dd for her prom dress etc last year. But if she had asked for an extra outfit she would have been given short shrift.

GetOrfMoiLand · 15/05/2013 13:23

I did dd's make up, it was really very sweet. She doesn't normally wear it.

crypes · 15/05/2013 13:29

Wouldn't an after prom party kind of start at about 11pm or 12pm, who would host that kind of late party ?

crypes · 15/05/2013 13:29

11pm or midnight

jacks365 · 15/05/2013 13:37

As a mum who has already done 3 proms one of which included an after party i'd advise talking to her about how she's going to cope with the outfits, how she'll carry them, where she'll change the crucially what she'll do with her prom dress.

If she's coming home then just tell her to wear something she already has.

The dd who had an after party was one arranged by the school at a nightclub and for those reasons most girls chose short dresses for the prom (aged 18)

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 15/05/2013 13:40

She has tweaked the puppet string too far. Nice try DD! Yanbu to call a halt. If she wants extras she can pay! It needn't cost a lot. Had she said at the outset you'd have worked to a lower budget for the prom items. She can save up for it herself babysitting, dog walking.

GetWhatYouNeed · 15/05/2013 13:56

My daughter is in her early 20s and her school ( standard comprehensive) had proms at the end of year 11 and year 13. The yr11 one was the big one where the girls all wore long dresses and the boys black tie whereas the for the yr 13 the girls wore short clubbing dresses and the boys normal suits and they all went straight on to a nightclub afterwards.

There were lots of after parties after the yr 11 prom and they all changed into short dresses for these, I think hers was a cheap dress from new look or somewhere like that. They took their party dresses round to the girl's house the day before and then stayed the night so everything was collected the next day.

I don't know why people get annoyed by proms, its an occasion to mark the end of important exams and the start of a more adult life, I cried when I saw her in her beautiful dress when she was 15 as she had lived in jeans and hoodies till then and she looked so lovely ( soppy mum)

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