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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

to expect my neighbours not to park across my driveway?

284 replies

coldwater · 15/05/2013 08:43

We have our car parked on our drive, it has a drop curb too. Our neighbours have FOUR cars and a commercial work van, they can only fit two cars on their drive so park the other three vehicles on the road, usually with one parked right across my drive. It annoys the hell out of me, its not like they can't see we have a car and its not like i haven't asked them before not to do it.

We don't have a very good past with these neighbours, them doing DIY until 11pm (drilling etc) and waking my kids up, dog being left out for hours in the snow yelping (which i reported), her teenage children trespassing into my back garden and breaking the trellis i put up to stop them doing it and many more things. I had a row with the mum over the DIY, i asked her to stop and she got stroppy saying she could do what she wanted. I have never mentioned the fact i have caught her kids in my garden though.

Anyway, this morning i woke to one of their cars being parked across my drive, i went mad and said i was going round there, dp said just leave it, i am over-reacting. Am i? I now can't use the car today because the man who owns it has gone to work and surprise surprise has the key with him. So annoyed, selfish idiots they are. So AIBU thinking they should use their brains and not park over someones drive and block them in?

Yes i know i could park on the road, never any space thanks to these that think they own the road and i don't want to because of the teens that hang around outside all night getting up to no good.

OP posts:
THERhubarb · 16/05/2013 16:48

SoupDragon on this occasion I have to disagree. You cannot be told to stop using a word just because someone has decided that it is offensive. It's like being told to stop using the word idiot because once, many years ago and unbeknown to most people, the word was used against people with learning difficulties (which I'm damn sure it is).

Where do you draw the line? Most swear words are insulting and can be used against different sets of people. There are many words for "idiot" and yes, some of them relate to people with learning difficulties so should we stop commenting on anyone's ignorance just in case we offend those people with learning difficulties?

I quickly learned that words mean nothing. They are just words. Yes there are some I will never use such as "nigger" and "wog" as those have specific deep meanings, but general usage words do not.

StealthOfficialCrispTester · 16/05/2013 16:53

So are you saying you would use the r word?

conantg · 16/05/2013 17:00

May I suggest the use of Scottish words to prevent any offence? "Bampot" or "stumph" would be a fair description of the neighbour.

GlassofRose · 16/05/2013 17:06

Stealth -

I used the phrase "social retard" to describe a nutjob I had a date with on my AIBU thread. I used the phrase because he invited himself to my house, continued to try and kiss me and take my bra off after I broke away from him. Didn't read any of the hints I wanted him to leave until I told him I was taking him home at 4am. He messaged me 8 times in a row at 6am... and continued to message me daily several messages in a row and didnt take the hint I wasn't interested until I reported him to the police for harassment. I thought the phrase was very apt for him as he was the definition of the phrase. It wasn't making fun of anybody with mental/learning difficulties nor would I compare somebody with mental difficulties to that complete twunt. Some people take unnecessary offensive to things that were not meant to be offensive to others.

Calling someone a bastard isn't offending all children of unmarried couples is it?

THERhubarb · 16/05/2013 17:30

No I would no longer use the word "retard" (no point in trying to pretend these words don't exist by using dashes) as I know that the word was definitely used to refer to people with learning disabilities.

The word "moron" has not been used in that context as far as I am aware. It is used to mean "idiot" or "plonker".

I am one of those who questioned GlassofRose's use of the word "retard" because it is popularly used against people with learning disabilities, to make fun of them, although it was fairly obvious that this is not what GlassofRose meant and there is no way I'd report her because I too, am an adult.

The fact that the word "moron" is used in a family film goes to show that the word is NOT used to refer to people with learning difficulties. The official definitions also indicate as such.

I am really quite peeved that MNHQ should treat us like children and start removing words that it deems are offensive. I think we are all mature enough to use our own discretion.

It's such a hypocrisy to leave words like "cunt" and "wanker" in thread titles yet remove the word "moron". I personally don't like words which are used as vulgar descriptions of female genitalia but again, I can choose to ignore them.

GlassofRose · 16/05/2013 17:38

I have nothing to say but claps after reading Rhubarb's previous two posts.

Blatherskite · 16/05/2013 17:41

Cretin is used in Monsters Inc too. Shock

Randall calls Mike a cret-in and Mike corrects his pronunciation. Naughty, naughty cartoon characters.

I agree with THERhubarb and she's reminded me of a Stephen Fry quote - "It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what."

There are 101 words that have been used to describe people with various learning difficulties over the years - some have since been deemed as disablist and some seem to be fine but who decides which is which? Why is stupid OK but moron isn't?

UterusUterusGhali · 16/05/2013 17:55

I can't get past "disablist carby bastard" tbh.

I've actually "lol"ed for 5 minutes.

MinnieBar · 16/05/2013 18:18
Grin
alienbanana · 16/05/2013 18:38

Oh my god, you potatoist bastard!

HelenMumsnet · 16/05/2013 19:04

Evening.

We thought it might help to explain our position here a bit more.

OK, our Talk Guidelines, for some time now, have said that we will remove posts that contain words we consider to be disablist, once they are reported to us.

We amended our Talk Guidelines to include disablist terms, partly in response to recent disability discrimination legislation and partly in response to a rising swell of concern from those who regularly post in our Special Needs topics.

Our practice when a disablist term is reported to us is to delete it, as per our Guidelines. But when it seems clear to us that the person who used the term has not used it with any offensive intent, we tend to drop them a mail, explaining what's happened and saying we realise they probably didn't mean to break the rules.

In cases where the disablist term is actually in the OP and the thread is already running at several dozen posts, we occasionally decide to edit out the disablist term, to avoid having to delete the OP, render the thread pretty senseless and, potentially, make the OP herself feel she's been publicly hauled over the coals. Again, we drop the OP a mail, explaining what's happened and saying we don't do this often but we thought a quick edit would be preferable to making a big song and dance on the thread.

Obviously, in the case of this thread, that didn't pan out too well.

As for the terms we do consider disablist, as KateMNHQ has posted earlier in the thread, they would include retard, cretin, spaz, moron and mong. We included moron specifically because of its associations with the eugenics movement.

There are other terms, like idiot and lunatic, whose usage specifically to describe people with learning difficulties or mental-health conditions has long, long since past, and whose meaning has now widened to encompass something altogether more general and less offensive - and those we tend to leave.

But it's all a very fluid, grey area and we remain open to correction and clarification.

ohbuggerhelp · 16/05/2013 19:07

Squidward calls Spongebob and Gary's inane chat, " moron theatre"/.

Always made me laugh. Until now when I discover my little air holed friend is a disablist cunt Sad.

ohbuggerhelp · 16/05/2013 19:09

Where do you stand on calling women cunts?

HelenMumsnet · 16/05/2013 19:12

@ohbuggerhelp

Where do you stand on calling women cunts?

Whenever we have asked Mumsnetters about it, they have, by and large, said it shouldn't be treated any differently to any other swearword on MN. In other words, it's not deleted unless it's used in a personal attack.

You may also have noticed that some MNers have appropriated 'cunt' and use it specifically on MN as a term of endearment.

ohbuggerhelp · 16/05/2013 19:20

What about idiot or stupid?

HelenMumsnet · 16/05/2013 19:24

@ohbuggerhelp

What about idiot or stupid?

Do please read our quite detailed post just a few posts earlier.

Sugarice · 16/05/2013 19:24

I love that cunt may be interpreted as a term of endearment on Mumsnet. Grin yet moron is a word deemed as offensive and is removed.

SauvignonBlanche · 16/05/2013 19:28

I think MNHQ have acted very well, by just changing a word
I dislike the term 'moron' and think it does have very unpleasant overtones, wether intentional or not.
I have enjoyed the thread though and this slight change made that possible.
I want to hear more about what happened to the car! Grin

GlassofRose · 16/05/2013 19:50

haha ohbugger that post about spongebob made me laugh as much as the one about mr potatohead.

marjproops · 16/05/2013 19:51

ANYWAY........back to the original subject.....whats happened today OP?

ohbuggerhelp · 16/05/2013 19:53

Moron theatre is a well loved and used phrase chez ohbugger.

I am gutted t know we are all disablist now Sad.

ohbuggerhelp · 16/05/2013 20:10

OMG!! Someone just called someone else an imbecile on Waterloo Road!!! Shock

youarewinning · 16/05/2013 20:11

LOL @ ohbugger

I came here to report the same thing Grin

ohbuggerhelp · 16/05/2013 20:14

And on the BBC too clutches pearls Shock

ManifestoMT · 16/05/2013 22:28

Does that mean I can't sing
Gordon is a moron any more for fear of being a disablist