to expect my neighbours not to park across my driveway?

[coldwater]

We have our car parked on our drive, it has a drop curb too. Our neighbours have FOUR cars and a commercial work van, they can only fit two cars on their drive so park the other three vehicles on the road, usually with one parked right across my drive. It annoys the hell out of me, its not like they can't see we have a car and its not like i haven't asked them before not to do it.

We don't have a very good past with these neighbours, them doing DIY until 11pm (drilling etc) and waking my kids up, dog being left out for hours in the snow yelping (which i reported), her teenage children trespassing into my back garden and breaking the trellis i put up to stop them doing it and many more things. I had a row with the mum over the DIY, i asked her to stop and she got stroppy saying she could do what she wanted. I have never mentioned the fact i have caught her kids in my garden though.

Anyway, this morning i woke to one of their cars being parked across my drive, i went mad and said i was going round there, dp said just leave it, i am over-reacting. Am i? I now can't use the car today because the man who owns it has gone to work and surprise surprise has the key with him. So annoyed, selfish idiots they are. So AIBU thinking they should use their brains and not park over someones drive and block them in?

Yes i know i could park on the road, never any space thanks to these that think they own the road and i don't want to because of the teens that hang around outside all night getting up to no good.

FFS.

I hope you got your parking issue sorted OP.

MNHQ - you are being daft.

Moron has long been used in the same way as idiot and lunatic, which you allow.

I'd actually say lunatic could be considered more disablist than moron. And I speak as someone whose grandmother was in a "lunatic asylum" back in the day.

I really think you need to reconsider the words you allow when it comes to this "fluid" and "grey area".

Funny to see what is considered offensive in uk vs usa. The c* word is beyond offensive here in the usa and would not be accepted in any circles and is considered extremely derogatory to women. Spaz on the other hand is not really used and not considered offensive in most circles. Moron is used all the time on a par with idiot and not any more offensive than calling someone an idiot. Other terms which are extremely offensive here in the usa like calling someone a "jew" for being tight with money, I've heard used by all sorts of people in the uk without any sense that it could be offensive.

I absolutely hate the c word. I find it beyond offensive and it's the only sweary word I would never use.

To disallow "moron" but allow that seems to defy all logic. I really don't see how "moron" can be viewed as "disablist" if idiot and cretin aren't. All were defined at the same time in history.

Seems far too precious to me.

Thanks Glassofrose and Rhubarb.
Dashes are for my own benefit, I have no desire to 'say' certain words, and there are many words that are 'allowed' on MN that I would never say or type.
I had no idea that all these words I consider offensive had such different backgrounds and connitations!

Have you really Sofia? I have never heard anyone being called a Jew (unless strictly factually!)
Actually I don't know anyone who is Jewish and I suspect the Jewish population up here in the NE is fairly low, so that may be why.

The Jew insult gained popularity with teens/young adults after the borat film and then seems to have dropped out of use again.

I would put moron on par with idiot and lunatic, given that I had no idea it had ever been associated with learning difficulties and I would hazard a guess that most people would not. I knew idiot was...just because a word is used more prolifically since its change of meaning, does it mean it is less offensive?

Back to parking: UPDATE!!

Other terms which are extremely offensive here in the usa like calling someone a "jew" for being tight with money, I've heard used by all sorts of people in the uk without any sense that it could be offensive.

^

I don't see it as offensive and I'm from a dutch Jew (amongst many other things) ancestry.

In fact you're most likely to hear those kind of jibes out of a Jewish persons mouth (not the really devout types). Although you wouldn't actually say "you're a Jew" it would be more of "get the moths out" or "are you saving up to be jewish?". It's said in jest.

My dad makes jokes about my uncle having to stay out to work late because his wife had her hair cut...

i agree with what mnhq has done.

any news on the car?

my neighbours sound scarily similar!

The word moron is no longer used in a disablist context and in my view, never was. It's origin is apparently Greek and means foolish.

It was used as a medical term meaning adults with a very low IQ or learning difficulties but is no longer used as such.

I fail to see how it can be considered offensive today when the original meaning is "foolish" and it is still widely used in that context.

Everyone is offended by something and yes, some words like "nigger" are blatantly offensive and were always used to cause great offensive or to mock. Black people have since tried to reclaim the word but it still sits uneasy with me. Same with "cunt", it's a derogatory term which I don't like but I can again understand why women would try to reclaim the word.

Yet a word like "moron" is now broadly recognised as meaning "idiot" or "stupid". I'm sure you would get a few people who would take great offensive at the word "idiot" being used and I'm sure that at MNHQ you've had posters report lesser words.

I would like to know who decides which words are now offensive and which are not. I'm sure you've had more complaints about the word "cunt" yet in your wisdom you have allowed that word to stand, treating us like the adults that we are and bowing to the general consensus that we can deal with it. Yet the word "moron" gets one complaint? At most? And we are suddenly considered to be too ignorant to be able to deal with the word on our own terms. It's not as if anyone else on the thread picked up on it at all.

I do feel kinda patronised and kinda as if I am being accused of being disablist myself. It is very frustrating not to be able to express yourself as you so wish for fear of causing offence to a minority of professionally offended posters. I shall just have to go round saying "cunt" instead. At least I know I'm safe with that one!

MNHQ have said that 'moron' is specifically linked to eugenics which is why it is included. When you have parents of children who have additional needs posting that they have been told things like, their child should never have been born, or a drain on society, or should have been killed at birth, it is understandable that a term linked to a idea/movement about 'improving' the human population through reducing the number of poor, mentally ill, blind, deaf, developmentally delayed/disabled could be very upsetting and offensive. I have seen such posters appear time and again on threads where language such as retard or moron has appeared to state how offensive these words are to someone who is a parent or sibling or carer to a person who has additional needs. Personally, I would think these posters have enough on their plate, and should be able to navigate a forum that is there to support without having to stay in one area (special needs) because otherwise they will come across terms of abuse specifically hurtful to their situation.

And, yes, when you are told often that you child has no value, I would imagine that terms of abuse used about intelligence are as offensive as the word 'nigger' has been to the black community.

Bit long there!

I have a brother with severe learning difficulties and a nephew with Downs Syndrome Arion, we do not all feel the same way.

This is from the eugenics archive website: "Terms like "moron," "imbecile," and "idiot" described persons with IQs below 86, while "bright" and "genius" were used for scores above 115."

Therefore the words "imbecile" and "idiot" should also be banned.

I am not here to argue against people with learning difficulties Arion, I am arguing for common sense and a certain freedom of speech. As I stated earlier, you could take offensive at every adjective, so much so that pretty soon everyone will be too scared to describe anyone who is black or who has a disability. You will not be able to use words in a jocular sense.

I'm sure that you yourself have used the word "idiot" at times yet there is no way on earth that you are using it to pour scorn on those who genuinely have a lower IQ and no doubt you would react with frustration and annoyance if someone came along and told you that you were.

What happens is that everyone gets frustrated by being unable to express themselves adequately without offending someone.

You cannot put the word "moron" on a similar par to the word "nigger", it just doesn't work.

I've been known to use moron, had no idea it was so offensive and will now stop. Oddly enough, I used to find the c word extremely offensive and never EVER used it, until Mumsnet! DH was extremely surprised the first time it slipped out my mouth and nearly wet himself laughing.

Can I use numpty instead?

Nope Stropzilla. Numpty means an idiot or fool and we've already established that implying that anyone is either a fool or an idiot may be deemed offensive.

I'd just not say anything. It's the only way to ensure you are safely non-offensive.

Oh bother. I shall just have to resort to stabbing people then.

It would be the least offensive course of action Stropzilla

Like Rhubarb says, you have to have a bit of common sense. Most words in the English language have several meanings. Meaning in conversation is determined by the topic of conversation, intonation (sadly can't be picked up on the internet.

My aunt has learning difficulties; If somebody called her a moron I'd be angry on her behalf... but I'm not angry on her behalf when somebody uses the term to describe somebody acting like a complete arsehole.

I think the reason we are becoming such a PC country is because too many people deem things offensive on others behalf. Like a previous poster mentioning it's offensive to jews to mock someone for being tight with their money. I'm not offended, I've used "saving up to be jewish" and moth in wallet jokes myself. Nor am I offended when I'm asked if I have "black" in me (yes some people have actually asked using that choice of words) because I have full lips (funny enough I do have african ancestry too; If I was a dog i'd be one of those mongrels you see in Battersea. Oops was that offensive to the dogs in battersea?)

Yanbu, at all to have your curb dropped costs money and it is yours to use, rightly so!
I have a drive, but I don't have a car and at least once a week some pilock parks in front of my drive causing an obstruction to any visitors to my home and also it's hard to get my pram out. Not to mention the danger of my dc getting run over as said piloks mostly park on the actual pavement infront of my drive too
Grrrr, people should realise a drive belongs to the person living at that particular house not to them and the whole neighbourhood!

I seriously don't understand how people 'rate' swear words-you're either bothered by swearing or you're not, cunt is the same as fuck is the same as bollocks etc

Anyway, hope you got the parking issue sorted OP-I had a similar incident the other day & when I requested that the young lady offender not do it again she launched into a tirade of abuse which ended with her saying "don't forget I know where you live" okaaaaaay love, get a fucking grip, I do think she was maybe slightly unhinged...

I just wanted to come and clear something up.

To insinuate i am intentionally trying to offend anyone, esp disabled people is ridiculous. I had a disabled child myself that died, why would i want to do such a thing?!

The word i used is used by many people to mean fool, that is what i meant in my OP. The man was a fool for parking over my drive and leaving with the key.

Had someone pointed out to me they found it offensive i would have apologised, instead they felt the need to report it. It was clear the context in which i was using the word.

Good point GlassofRose. I feel strongly that in this case, the OP was not using a strong term like "retard" but a general term which is in general usage and that she was not using it to cause offense at all. Therefore to delete it was going over the top.

It's insulting actually. So in order to prevent offence, MNHQ have managed to offend.

coldwater1

I do wish posters would act their bloody age and just tell the person concerned if they have a problem instead of running to teacher.

I think this is all fine, don't mind people being pulled up on using the word moron BUT what Soupy says here "When told a word is offensive, most people with an ounce of empathy and common sense would accept it and move on" is absolutely not true on Mumsnet.

Time and time again posters - and not just newbs - say they find the word cunt offensive (not me, I don't mind it) and they are ridiculed or ignored.

Not sure what should be done about it, but I think some of the responses on this thread are a bit glib.