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AIBU?

AIBU to think if your Daughter was grieving you would ring her?

87 replies

puzzled365 · 12/05/2013 18:41

I have name changed because the topic may out me in RL!
If your Daughter's Husband died recently and she was alone with small children, would you ring every day to check they were OK?
Just genuinely wonder if that's the way to go or to let them ask for help?

OP posts:

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thebody · 12/05/2013 18:55

Oh my god, I would be with my child and I would stay until they wanted me to leave.

So so sorry xx

noddyholder · 12/05/2013 18:56

I would with my ds as long and as often as he needed no matter what. My mum wouldn't.

puzzled365 · 12/05/2013 18:56

Thank you for the replies. I'm struggling to cope and my parents have not called me for 4 days other than to tell me I'm being cruel to my dog for leaving him in kennels while I get house sorted etc. I'm on my knees but just wondered if I was expecting too much?

OP posts:

MunchkinsMumof2 · 12/05/2013 18:58

Where are you Puzzled? If I'm near I can help you x

thebody · 12/05/2013 18:58

This sounds just awful op.

ApocalypseThen · 12/05/2013 18:59

I'd want my mam. I can't imagine dealing with something like that without her. Even if it seemed like I didn't, I'd want her above all people.

McNewPants2013 · 12/05/2013 19:01

I am sorry for your loss, if it was my DC I would be there.

It is not cruel to leave your dog in the kennels, so don't start dwelling on that.

thebody · 12/05/2013 19:02

Have you siblings? Good friends? Fantastic support on the bereavement section op. can't believe your parents are like this.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 12/05/2013 19:03

Holy crap. You're grieving the loss of your husband and all your parents can do is phone you up to bitch about the DOG?

I think you should tell them to go get stuffed.

lougle · 12/05/2013 19:03

Oh Puzzled. You are not expecting too much. Can you post your rough location - I'm sure one of us might be near by

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 12/05/2013 19:05

Oh OP :( I'm so sorry for you loss.

Whereabouts are you?

Molehillmountain · 12/05/2013 19:07

Not expecting too much at all. There's just a chance that, if you remove the nonsense about the dog, who will be just fine in kennels, btw, they might be thinking you want space or waiting for you to take the lead. Still wrong, but better intentioned wrong.

WafflyVersatile · 12/05/2013 19:09

So sorry for your loss and lack of support. How supportive are they normally? Are they normally hands off? Maybe they feel they would be intrusive or just feel they would be useless? Have you asked for support?

Did they phone up especially to tell you you were being cruel to the dog (you're not by the way) or just thoughtlessly express sympathy for the dog at a time that you just don't need that and feel so fragile already?

Do you have others you can lean on just now?

lurkedtoolong · 12/05/2013 19:09

Oh I'm so sorry Puzzled. If you are anywhere near me and there's anything I can do to help I will, please post a rough area.

Are your parents normally so useless? Is it possible they are just at a complete loss and have no idea what to do?

ExcuseTypos · 12/05/2013 19:11

Oh you poor thing. Of course your parents should be helping you. I would be honest and tell them you need help.

Also, do you have any friends nearby who would help?

youarewinning · 12/05/2013 19:15

Oh puzzled I'm sorry for your loss

I'd jut be blunt and tell them you need them right now - there with you. Like lurked said it may be they have no idea what to do.

Arion · 12/05/2013 19:16

I'm Derby, if I can help, let me know.

MiaowTheCat · 12/05/2013 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClaraOswald · 12/05/2013 19:19

Where are you located?

puzzled365 · 12/05/2013 19:20

Again, thank you. My mother does blow hot and cold but I am saddened by their lack of concern for the DCs if not for me.
I have a couple of really good friends in RL who do ring me each day and who I see on school run etc, but they have families etc so I don't feel I can ring up randomly.
I think my OP was just a way of asking whether I was being a needy "child" or if its normal to expect to not have to ask for help, iykwim.

OP posts:

thegreylady · 12/05/2013 19:20

I would ring at least once a day but I would be with her if she would let me-for as long as she needed me.

foslady · 12/05/2013 19:21

What county Puzzled? I'm N Lincs if that's any good, or if there's any general help we can give, please just ask, you have enough on

PS - the dog'll be fine - best place for it at the moment

wonderstuff · 12/05/2013 19:22

Sorry for your loss. I'd want to be there if at all possible if it was my dd. my mum constantly worries about interfering to much and would never call me everyday I don't think, but shed be happy for me to call or go stay with her.

everlong · 12/05/2013 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wonderstuff · 12/05/2013 19:24

If I was one of your mates with family I'd be happy for you to call me randomly x I'm in Hampshire you're near and I can help I will.

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