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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re long haired boy at dancing class

103 replies

Piemother · 11/05/2013 23:05

I am prepared for a flaming but here goes.....
There is a little boy at dd1 ballet school with very (I mean past his shoulders and thick and curly) long hair. I reckon he is 3/4.
There are other boys (ok one or two) at the dance school and it makes no odds to me but his parents do nothing to tie up his hair. Today he walked out of a class actually holding it out of his face with his hands.
Every now and then the dance teacher comes out to the parents and nags about long hair being up in buns and that the main reason was so that when they are twirling around it doesn't hit anyone in the face. She also reminded about it being part of the uniform requirements.
I can see that maybe the parents are waiting a bit longer with uniform to make sure he likes the class (though hes been there a while now) but AIBU to think they ought to tie his hair back?

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 12/05/2013 08:08

The parents make the choices for preschoolers though, and the parents know the rules.

MrsBungle · 12/05/2013 08:10

My 3 year old is in a ballet school. They do have to wear uniform but the school are not overly strict with 3-5 year olds. When they turn 5 and start exams is when they're expected to conform seriously. I think it's up to the school to raise this as an issue and if they're not then they're clearly not bothered about this in a child so young.

pictish · 12/05/2013 08:14

I couldn't work up a steam about it anyway...that's all I can say.
Someone else's kid's hair in a pretentious dance class? Nah.
They're babies, and this is all about fulfilling something the parents like and want.
Leave him alone.

ZolaBuddleia · 12/05/2013 08:17

If he has shoulder length hair that bounces madly up and down, surely Irish dancing classes are where he should be heading? Grin

Toadinthehole · 12/05/2013 08:26

preschool is a bit young for ballet (cough)

lollilou · 12/05/2013 08:26

My ds had very long hair that fell over one eye like a curtain, he did not want it cut.(his Dad has waist length dreads, mm may have something to do with it!) Although he doesn't do ballet the school said he had to tie it up for gymnastics then a few weeks later for PE. He then asked for it to be cut.
I think the little boy at ballet should follow the rules like everyone else, also if it was in his face and he couldn't see well what if he bumped into one of the other little ones?

SneakyBiscuitEater · 12/05/2013 08:36

I've come back to this this morning and am a bit sad to see the judgyness about boys with long hair.

Parents are attention seeking.
Obviously trying to make some kind of statement.
Would be better off at street dance.

wtaf perhaps they just like long hair and are not wanting to fork out on all the kit until they know he likes it.

The fact he is a boy is irrelevant. If the OP had read a child in DDs ballet class would it have attracted the same comments? Perhaps but probably not eh?

Original poster
Piemother · 12/05/2013 08:37

Loli - yes exactly that Grin

Currently my dd is requesting I take her to toddler rugby. I was thrilled and I will book her a taster but I will not be allowing her to go wearing one of her crowns Wink

OP posts:
BigBlockSingsong · 12/05/2013 08:37

Yeah I think they should cut off or tie like all the other girls have too, why doesn't he?

I'm a girl and hate having a fringe flopping in my face.

pictish · 12/05/2013 08:39

It might occur to me that it needs tied back...but then I'd never ponder upon it again.

IneedAsockamnesty · 12/05/2013 08:40

Is it possible that long hair is only really mentioned in the context of girls something like on the written info it being right after the girls wear bit as opposed to a general list or if the teacher has mentioned it in class its mainly been focused on a putting it in a bun as opposed to tying back?

I don't think it would be very unusual for a boys parents to not register the info if it was given in that context.

Original poster
Piemother · 12/05/2013 08:42

Um sneaky I have already said they perhaps are waiting a bit re the kit. At no point have I said boys shouldn't have long hair either.
I suggested street dance because its more relaxed but still dance but no uniform requirements as far as I'm aware. Though that was clear in my post.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 12/05/2013 08:44

It is nothing to do with judgyness- long hair is tied back- I can't see why gender means you bypass it.

TheFallenMadonna · 12/05/2013 08:47

I don't really see a H&S issue with a 3 yo dancing with long hair.

I'm a science teacher and boys with long hair have to tie their hair back because Bunsen burners do not discriminate on the basis of sex, but that really is H&S, rather than conformity, which is what buns for dancing 3 yo are about.

SneakyBiscuitEater · 12/05/2013 08:52

I think we are all in agreement that this is an optional activity that the child/his parents have decided to engage in and as such should conform to the rules concerned. In my first post last night I discussed tying my own DS hair back and that at age 3 he could understand the need for different ways of dressing and behaviour in different situations.

I was just picking up on some bad feeling on the thread towards long haired boys, which is probably my own neuroses.

RedHelenB · 12/05/2013 08:56

LOL at all the seriousness of ballet age 3!! Just thinking of my dds' dance school awards evening where they were berating the seniors for never wearing correct uniform to class.

Royal ballet - yes, 3 year olds, you are being a bit precious!

Tailtwister · 12/05/2013 09:15

YANBU. If there are rules regarding hair and uniform then they should be followed by both girls and boys. When I did ballet (admittedly a long time ago!) if you didn't wear your hair correctly you were sent out of class. Parents learnt pretty quickly to make sure their children were turned out correctly.

Do you think that the boys get away with more simply to try and encourage them to stay? I remember very few boys doing ballet when I was a child, but maybe that has changed now.

I don't think ensuring the correct attire is precious RedHelenB, no matter what the age of the child. I suppose it depends who the teacher is, but most teachers I know expect the rules to be followed even as young as 3. It's just the nature of ballet I suppose. There are lots of other types of dance people can send their children to learn if they don't want to conform.

digerd · 12/05/2013 09:21

Long hair flicking across your eyes means you can't see properly which can cause accidents when dancing. Also the hair can flick into another child's eyes as well as the owner's.

It is a matter of health and safety, not just for show. 3 year-olds do not have complete control over their balance or muscles.
But they will not be expected to perform Pirouettes < turns on one leg>, until much older.

StayAwayFromTheEdge · 12/05/2013 09:36

"They're babies, and this is all about fulfilling something the parents like and want."

I can assure you that this is not true - I can think of many ways to spend two hours a week and sitting with ballet mums isn't one of them! The truth is DS loves ballet and is good at it.

MidniteScribbler · 12/05/2013 09:46

wtaf perhaps they just like long hair and are not wanting to fork out on all the kit until they know he likes it.

A hair band is not an expensive outlay of "kit".

but that really is H&S, rather than conformity, which is what buns for dancing 3 yo are about.

Actually, it is about being able to see the line of the neck and the position of the head, and being able to dance without the distraction of hair flopping in your eyes.

Original poster
Piemother · 12/05/2013 09:53

It is in his eyes and he already can't see.

OP posts:
amigababy · 12/05/2013 09:58

DD started at 2.75. Now. 15 years. later she's about to do her last grade exam. So proud she's kept up with it all these years.

amigababy · 12/05/2013 09:58

DD started at 2.75. Now. 15 years. later she's about to do her last grade exam. So proud she's kept up with it all these years.

waikikamookau · 12/05/2013 10:08

concentrate on your own child op. you are hardly going to suggest to the parents/teacher the boy has his hair up, or are you?

Original poster
Piemother · 12/05/2013 10:12

Another few weeks of it and I will be saying something.

OP posts: