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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re long haired boy at dancing class

103 replies

Piemother · 11/05/2013 23:05

I am prepared for a flaming but here goes.....
There is a little boy at dd1 ballet school with very (I mean past his shoulders and thick and curly) long hair. I reckon he is 3/4.
There are other boys (ok one or two) at the dance school and it makes no odds to me but his parents do nothing to tie up his hair. Today he walked out of a class actually holding it out of his face with his hands.
Every now and then the dance teacher comes out to the parents and nags about long hair being up in buns and that the main reason was so that when they are twirling around it doesn't hit anyone in the face. She also reminded about it being part of the uniform requirements.
I can see that maybe the parents are waiting a bit longer with uniform to make sure he likes the class (though hes been there a while now) but AIBU to think they ought to tie his hair back?

OP posts:
Xiaoxiong · 11/05/2013 23:55

Great, 2.5 or so - that will give me some time to grow DS's hair out so I can be all PFB and not tie his hair back because it will stifle his self expression Grin

Xiaoxiong · 11/05/2013 23:56

Thanks for the info as well, sorry for derailing thread OP!

Original poster
Piemother · 11/05/2013 23:59

Xia - don't encourage me!! Yes I am being super judgey but there is an air of this about this situation. I'm fine with being free spirited and all that I just think the street dance class up the road might be more to the parents liking Wink

OP posts:
Brittabot · 12/05/2013 02:03

YANBU to expect boys to have the same rules as girls as regards hair up. That's all.

MidniteScribbler · 12/05/2013 02:17

and said it was brilliant for balance and strength and helped him with rugby later on

Actually, your DH is spot on. Many of the top teams in sports such as football and rugby are actually sending their players to dance lessons now for that reason. It does help with coordination, balance, and even footwork. I'm all for dance lessons for all children, boys and girls.

ZebraOwl · 12/05/2013 02:51

YANBU: is important long hair be tied back for dance & perhaps most important for ballet where there are such high expectations for neatness! He won't be able to dance properly with his hair loose & his teacher won't be able to see his head & neck line properly. I can see not buying him a uniform straight away but he should be appropriately clothed & coiffed for class as much as any of his female peers.

Xiaoxiong - Is awesome your DH wants your DS to do ballet Grin Different schools have different mimimum ages, usually somewhere between 2 & 3 years old. It is worth starting to look around for a school now though - lots of places have waiting lists & you'll want to visit schools to find out what they're like. Although it's about the US there is some good information in this booklet about finding a good dance school. Worth having a look at this information from the NHS about getting into dance. If your DS ends up sticking with it (and/or your husband decides to go back to it...) Boys Dance Too is an online dance shop for men. Oh and the stuff here on ballet for boys might be worth a look too Smile

MammaTJ · 12/05/2013 03:23

My DDs dance teacher insists on it being tied back so she can see the line of the neck when they are dancing.

She has a boy in her classes (not DDs) who has lessons with the Royal Ballet.

McGeeDiNozzo · 12/05/2013 03:40

It's unsafe for him if it's not tied back - it should be tied back. YANBU

mathanxiety · 12/05/2013 03:59

None of the teacher's hints are going to to work if these are parents who use their boy's long hair as attention getting devices for themselves. They may see ballet as some sort of quasi-gender bending activity for him that fits into the same category of expression as his long hair - 'look at us, out DS has long hair and does ballet'. These people maybe want their DS to stand out and may well resist the rules in a ballet class. It may have surprised them that there are other boys there. Have seen similar in the Irish dance world, where parents didn't want to do all that was required appearance wise..

Toadinthehole · 12/05/2013 04:25

Isn't this really the school's business?

hf128219 · 12/05/2013 05:41

Rules are rules so I agree. . But Nureyev had over blond hair at times, at long.

So it depends on your real point of this.

exoticfruits · 12/05/2013 06:36

I would have thought the point was that everyone abides by the rules.
As it is taster sessions I would have thought the teacher would have made it clear that if he joins he has to conform.

TroublesomeEx · 12/05/2013 06:56

DD's ballet school insists on hair being tied back in any way you choose for lessons because of it flicking in eyes and nits.

math I completely agree.

exoticfruits · 12/05/2013 07:27

If they are raising a 'free spirit'- the highly disciplined world of ballet isn't the place to choose! I think, like maths, that they are making a statement not realising that boys doing ballet is completely normal- my DS did it for a while, years ago.

Original poster
Piemother · 12/05/2013 07:32

Math - yes exactly that.
Of course it's the schools business - I'm just annoyed by their attitude. I think it's rude to all the other quite little kids who are complying.
I have a friend with a ds who threatened to bring him along. Fine, bring him but these are the expectations of the school. My friend resists all manner of conformity and luckily thought better of it Grin

Meanwhile from what I can see the little boy seems to quite enjoy it Grin

OP posts:
claraschu · 12/05/2013 07:39

This boy is 3/4. If he sticks with ballet, you don't have to worry about things being too free and easy. Ballet teachers are not known for their laissez faire attitude. I doubt this is a genuine risk to anyone's safety.

Maybe they are trying not to put him off. Why do you care? People like you give ballet a bad name.

Toadinthehole · 12/05/2013 07:40

Rules are rules, but if the school doesn't care I don't see why individual parents should.

Although I'm sure a nit flying through the air might put someone's eye out.

exoticfruits · 12/05/2013 07:42

I can see why individual parents care- either you have rules or you don't. If you have them then they are for everyone.

pictish · 12/05/2013 07:44

I agree Clara.

I do get the whole hair hitting people in the face thing, it should be tied back in a ponytail or whatever to help prevent that, but I dunno...some of you seem to thrill at the conform conform conform element, and take umbrage at those who don't.

Math seems to reckon she has the rebels all sewn up.

Shoot them on sight lads.

claraschu · 12/05/2013 07:44

Just read your comment about your "friend with a ds THREATENING to bring him along...(who) luckily thought better of it". Do you really think, at this age, the most important thing is conforming to dress code? Don't you think that a 3 year old might get something important from ballet lessons. Don't you think you can rely on any ballet school to be strict enough?

TroublesomeEx · 12/05/2013 07:52

The thing is pictish I'm quite 'flexible' when it comes to the rules - very much in the 'rules are made for fools to follow and wise people to interpret' camp.

But I think that when it comes to things you choose to participate in, like ballet (which isn't known for it's flexibility), etc then you do so knowing the rules and accepting them.

pictish · 12/05/2013 07:52

They are pre schoolers.

Original poster
Piemother · 12/05/2013 07:59

Well what I think my child gets from ballet (she is 3) is learning the value of listening and following instruction - the reward being that she's learning dance steps which she enjoys and it seems to be giving her confidence. I made it clear to her if she wanted to do the lessons she had to wear the uniform and let me do her hair just like everyone else. I think if I let her choose to ignore any of that it kind of undermines the whole exercise. I also think its disrespectful to the other kids.

OP posts:
youarewinning · 12/05/2013 08:04

YANBU.

And I can also see why the other parents care. If parents are following the rules, buying the correct uniform/ hair ties etc then why should other be allowed to do as they please?

I have been swayed by maths argument and am inclined to agree Grin

Toadinthehole · 12/05/2013 08:07

Perhaps the school is pleased to have a boy in the class and has decided that in the short run it's preferable to go easy on the rules for now.

Either way, if I felt strongly enough to start an AIBU on Mumsnet, I'd be asking the school why the rules aren't being enforced. In a friendly manner, of course.

Seems a bit much about nothing, to me.

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