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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky SIL?

60 replies

ShadeofViolet · 11/05/2013 14:39

SIL gave DD a present a couple of years ago which she has now grown out of. She is careful with her stuff so it still looks newish.

We cleared out DD's room and I have cleared out some stuff to give to our preschool. SIL has popped in and wants to take the presnt back so she can give it to her god daughter as a present. When I told her what I planned on doing with it, she said 'but I gave it to DD so I want to be able to give in to A (god daughter)'

AIBU to think that if you give someone a present you cant demand it back when you are finished.

OP posts:
UniqueAndAmazing · 11/05/2013 15:05

yes, I thought that was out of order too MrTumbles

thebody · 11/05/2013 15:08

Ironic 'happy land' ha ha ha.

Op your sil will be always in your life. Pre school definatly won't be.

You see where I am coming from here?

WorraLiberty · 11/05/2013 15:09

Perhaps the OP's husband is her brother so why wouldn't she speak to him about it?

I must be old fashioned but I can't believe the way some people on MN treat their families.

It's just a fucking toy when all said and done, nothing to go on a power trip about...which is what the OP seems to be doing.

MissTapestry · 11/05/2013 15:11

I'm completely with Worra on this one.
Seriously, give SIL the toy, preschool can have the rest and you can put the whole thing out of your mind.

Original poster
ShadeofViolet · 11/05/2013 15:12

I am not having a power rip about it.

I have text her to say she can have the cottage, and I will leave it out for her.

The reply says 'what about the other stuff'

Grin
OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 11/05/2013 15:14

no the SIL is the one on the powertrip -

child has outgrown toy, Op has decided what to do with it.
SIL has never before intimated that she has someone else lined up to recieve any cast offs.
she has PRESUMED because SHE gave it, she gets to say what happens to it now. she is wrong - and totally U for saying she'll ask the DH instead!

another example - MIL has over the years given us loads of things for the Dc - SIL now has kids younger than mine - MIl would never dream of insisting SIL got first choice on all our cast offs that she gave us - some we give her, some we give to others - it's OUR CHOICE!

thegreylady · 11/05/2013 15:16

And your reply says:"That is all going to the pre-school."
No argument she is being presumptuous-she has what she asked for now she is taking the mickey.

WorraLiberty · 11/05/2013 15:17

FFS she hasn't presumed anything

OP's getting rid - SIL knows a kid who wants it.

I'm glad you're giving it to her OP. Just give the rest of the stuff to the school and don't tell your SIL the next time you're having a clear out lol.

WorraLiberty · 11/05/2013 15:18

Sorry my last post was to phantom

Iamsparklyknickers · 11/05/2013 15:19

Tell her it's already gone to the pre-school but you've got the smellies she gave you three christmases ago knocking around if she wants them!

I take on board the family is family point - but I would not be happy about anyone expecting first dibs of presents that were no longer used. It is really rude to be so demanding about it.

(never mind the intention to re-gift it just to receive more praise - timeshare presents, who knew! Grin)

pebblepots · 11/05/2013 15:22

What a cheeky mare

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 11/05/2013 15:58

What Iamsparklyknickers said - absolutely.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 11/05/2013 16:00

and if I'd told my SIL I was giving something away to somebody else and then she went to my husband and asked him to over-rule me, I'd be mightily peed off! That's like kids playing their parents off against each other (Mummy can I have an ice cream? No. Hmmm Daaaaadddddddddeeeeeeeeeeeee!) Grin

ENormaSnob · 11/05/2013 16:01

Yanbu

She asked, you said no and explained why. She is now going to speak to your dh about it? Shock

I would be furious tbh, it wasn't a big deal to begin with but her actions have made it one.

Not a prayer she'd be getting it now.

McKayz · 11/05/2013 16:05

There is no way I'd give it to SIL if it was me. She can fuck right off if she thinks she can demand stuff.

SacreBlue · 11/05/2013 16:06

No advice re SIL but I think it's wise not to give it to preschool if your dd goes there - kids can be funny about seeing other kids play with 'their' toys at that age and it might have created issues between your dd, her friends, and kids she wasn't so friendly with. even normally very lovely kids which I am sure your dd is

zipzap · 11/05/2013 16:31

I'd be cheeky back and say fine, so if dd is giving you her toy to give to xxx, then what are you going to give back to her?

It's one thing to decide to donate toys to preschool, it's another for someone to demand it back to give it as a present to someone else...

When she gives dd a present for her next birthday, I hope you'll ask her (albeit half jokingly Grin) how long dd is allowed to keep it before having to hand it back. Or ask if the other goddaughter has dibs on this in a couple of years...

rambososcar · 11/05/2013 17:27

"I would be furious tbh, it wasn't a big deal to begin with but her actions have made it one. Not a prayer she'd be getting it now."

Exactly, ENormaSnob. With knobs on.

"There is no way I'd give it to SIL if it was me. She can fuck right off if she thinks she can demand stuff."

This too, McKayz. With even more knobs on.

ZangelbertBingeldac · 11/05/2013 17:31

Your DD has grown out of Happyland and is still only pre school age?

Really?

Maybe SIL is just pissed off that you want rid of it so soon?

puffinnuffin · 11/05/2013 17:34

Is it a battle worth having though? Something as silly as this could cause years of angst with your SIL. Is it worth that in the long run?

Original poster
ShadeofViolet · 11/05/2013 17:36

She just doesnt play with it, she is really into playmobil and lego and the Happyland stuff has sat for about 6 months taking up lots of space in our very small house.

She has had it since her 2nd Christmas, so 2 and a half years.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShadeofViolet · 11/05/2013 17:37

She is coming to get the cottage she gave DD tomorrow afternoon.

The rest of the stuff will go to preschool on Monday, along with a load of DS2's old books and some old dressing up clothes.

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 11/05/2013 17:41

I wouldn't have given it to her either. If she'd have asked nicely, then perhaps. But to just presume and then threaten to 'tell' on me? That's a big fat no from me.

The pre-school kids will love the toys, I think its a very nice gesture.

ZangelbertBingeldac · 11/05/2013 17:41

I don't know really...our house is full of shit that PIL bought our DDs (including a happyland cottage) that I haven't given away as I think it would be rude while they're still in the age range to play with it.

Obviously I wouldn't hang on to this stuff if I had no room to store it (which may well be why you're getting rid of it).

But I certainly wouldn't let them know if I had given a load of stuff away.

Perhaps she just feels sad that she bought something she felt would last a while and now you're giving it away to strangers (as she would see it).

I'm not saying she's right to 'demand' it back. But I would have been more careful with her feelings, were I in your shoes.

Nanny0gg · 11/05/2013 17:50

Is she just giving it to her godchild because she'd like it or is she giving it as a proper present?

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