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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what is normal regarding nudity and babies/smallchildren in the UK?

161 replies

honeytea · 11/05/2013 09:44

I am English but I live in my dp's home country (Sweden.)

We have a baby (4.5 months) it has been really lovely and hot the last couple of weeks so I have been taking ds down to the beach or to the park and letting him lie naked in the shade (on a few old towels to catch wee) this seems fairly normal here, I didn't even really think about it. The kids swim in the lakes and some are naked whilst swimming up to 5/6+ here.

I mentioned to a friend who lives in the USA how it was lovely for babyhoney to get fresh air on his bum and she said you would never do that in the USA, she said at baby groups the mums covered their babies genitals with a cloth so the other mums (and babies?)didn't see. At the baby massage group we go to all the babies are naked and I have never seen anyone trying to hide their babies genatals.

We are coming to the UK for a month in July and hopefully it will be warm. What is normal levals of baby nudity? I am from Devon so we will be having days on the beach as well as visiting parks.

thanks!

OP posts:
Yodeleeiay · 11/05/2013 22:45

I think it's lovely and natural, the attitude the Scandinavians/Germans have to their bodies that you describe Kundry. I live in Germany and they seem to like letting children be children and keep that innocence as long as possible.

There are lots of sandy river beaches shaded by big trees near us and people of all ages and sizes go topless in the summer and lots of kids go naked. I use suncream on my DC but others don't seem to much. Toddlers wee in the river and I guess you would just scoop a poo up and bag it if it went in the sand (people here are only just getting the hang of scooping dog poos up which I find much more anti-social). I use UV suits when the sun is direct but find the sand gets more stuck in the crevices and rubs DC's poor skin like sandpaper, whereas when naked it washes/ rubs off as they play.

Swimming naked outdoors is a delicious feeling, you feel part of nature in a very immediate way and I think it's great when children can experience it. It's been decades since I have but I still remember it vividly.

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 11/05/2013 22:59

Nudity in children doesn't bother me - however nudity in a park always startles and upsets me -

Both DH and I work in jobs where reality of life slaps in the face every day -

If only people knew how many paedophiles sit in vans at parks / skirt around perimeters of parks with recording equipment they would be horrified and never let their kids go naked in the park or potty train them in the park as iv seen a few do.

JustinBiebermakesmevom · 12/05/2013 07:29

Oh God Nanny....that is exactly the type of thing I was thinking but didn't want to say for fear of being slated.....

greeneyed · 12/05/2013 07:38

nanny that's very sad.

seeker · 12/05/2013 07:44

My child will suffer significantly more harm if I make her feel uncomfortable about her body and train her to be suspicious of other people than she will if some creep looks at her while she plays naked in the sun. Don't let the bad guys dictate your behaviour.

AntoinetteCosway · 12/05/2013 07:44

I took DD to baby swimming classes when she was about 9mo. I bought her a little swimming costume because it was adorable Blush but quickly discovered that peeling a wet costume off a tired baby is almost guaranteed to lead to screaming. I gave up after the second session and just took her in in a swim nappy and noone blinked. I wouldn't have let her be by the pool totally naked because of the wee/poo issue, but in terms of modesty I don't think it matters at all.

seeker · 12/05/2013 07:47

And somebody always comes up with the "oh, if only you knew how many pedophiles with recording devices there are gathered round every public park".

I don't believe that. If these people are known about, then presumably the police would be doing something about it?

JustinBiebermakesmevom · 12/05/2013 07:59

Seeker, I take your comments on board (and I'm trying my hardest not to pass my paranoia and fears onto my kids - honest !) but given that NannyPlum said she works in a field where she has seen evidence of this doesn't that concern you in the slightest ?

If someone came on here and said they were a police officer or similar and they hadn't seen anything to suggest that paedophiles could be recording in areas where children play then there would be plenty saying "yes just as we thought....mothers being paranoid".

I get what you're saying about not letting anyone dictate your child's behaviour or having to limit their experiences because of others. Wish I could be a bit more like you to be honest.

ilovexmastime · 12/05/2013 08:03

My DSs went naked on the beach for as long as they were happy to do so.

I used to slap on the factor 30 and they never burnt.

I agree with Seeker about the paedophile threat.

claraschu · 12/05/2013 08:09

Just let them go naked as long as they want. It is such a nice feeling not to be embarrassed by your body, and children should take advantage of that while they can.

As far as US vs Swedish attitudes, we can all guess which country will have a better record when it comes to sex offences (I haven't actually checked).

Summerblaze · 12/05/2013 08:12

Peadophiles cannot hurt my child by looking at them.

ginmakesitallok · 12/05/2013 08:29

Dd2 loves being naked, on holiday last year singletons she wore a swimsuit, sometimes a swim nappy and sometimes nothing. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. Dd1 is 9 and has always preferred to be covered up.

ginmakesitallok · 12/05/2013 08:30

Oh and agree with Summer blaze. It's very sad that we have to stop doing something so natural just because a very small minority get a sexual kick out of it.

FuckThisShit · 12/05/2013 08:36

Meh. DD3 would happily charge around in her nothings at the beach,and she does. She's 4. In Spain the kids will perhaps put trunks or bikini bums on from around 5/6, but certainly not all. Their bodies when wearing bums are identical until 11 or so, and I really can't see the problem people have.

JustinBiebermakesmevom · 12/05/2013 08:37

Summer Yes I understand that....also admit that it's completely "my issue" but cannot get over the fact that I would be freaked out at the thought of a paedophile getting any kind of gratification from even just seeing my child naked.

seeker · 12/05/2013 08:41

Well, of course you would! It's a hideous thought.

But frankly, and at a risk of being shot down in flames, I can't imagine anyone who actually does work in child protection saying something on a public forum about "ooh, if only you knew that public parks are surrounded by perves in white transit vans with recording equipment......". Generally speaking, such people are more responsible than that.

forevergreek · 12/05/2013 08:43

On beach I tend to add something just so the sand doesn't get everywhere when they sit down! But in gardens/ parks etc if it's nice and they want to play in water etc then I let them.

Last summer half of Hyde park was full of naked little ones by the water areas

Inside all year around both adults and children here don't hide from nudity. And bbqs with family/ friends usually end up with the children in various stages of undress in a paddling pool/ playing with sprinklers. Who will then all jump in the bath together before pajamas in eve

Gubbins · 12/05/2013 08:44

I'm with Seeker, too. Firstly, if a known paedophile is known to be recording images/videos in parks, then I would expect the police to be acting. But I fully accept that there may be people around, perhaps unknown to the police, who get their jollies watching naked kids doing what kids do. They probably get equally excited by a kid in a swimming costume though, so what should we do? Dress our children in burquas or never let them out of doors? My children are not hurt by being watched, so I'm going to let them get on with having fun, and try to keep them unaware for as long as possible that nudity is anything to be fearful or embarrassed about.

forevergreek · 12/05/2013 08:46

Yes there may be horrid people anywhere, but you can't spend you life hiding. If I needed to change babies nappy in park I wouldn't want to feel I have to hide behind a bush and cover them with a cloth!

DottyboutDots · 12/05/2013 08:48

Seeker and Gubbins, I agree with you both. It's like the what women wear argument in rape victims, the problem is with the perpertrator. Frankly, if you know that people are recording etc why don't you bloody catch them at it. It will not dictate whether my small child runs around naked.

exoticfruits · 12/05/2013 08:50

I don't understand the fuss about paedophiles - do people not understand you can do anything with a photo those days? They can take a photo of your fully clothed DC and put the head on a naked body. It isn't worth worrying about- your DC is with you and safe.

unlucky83 · 12/05/2013 09:28

I don't like the thought of someone getting a kick out of my naked child...but then as long as child doesn't know it isn't doing them any harm...and making them scared and embarrassed etc is ...
I'm with seeker, summerblaze etc ....just let them have fun and enjoy life ...whilst they are still not self conscious enough to bother...
In my late teens there was a concert in a park and lots of people went to listen outside the arena. No loos, so lots of girls were going for a pee in the bushes ...as I looked for a spot I saw a bloke crouched down -I thought yuck he's having a poo -that is gross...(but apologised to him Blush) ... then I couldn't find anywhere better so went to pee in the spot were my friend had been, looked behind me and saw the same bloke ...realised he was wanking...I was horrified, left quickly but said nothing to him - or my friend thinking (and still do) it was better for her that she didn't know....
(older, wiser I would have reported him to the police...just hope the fact that he knew I'd seen him made him stop...or someone else more on the ball -less drunk- saw him and reported the sad, sick pervert)

edgeofsociety · 12/05/2013 09:40

But I am afraid that they do, seeker. I remember reading an 'interview' with Robert Black, who murdered at least four girls in the 1980s, who stated he would go to beaches and parks on hot days with the sole intention of hoping to see a child getting changed, or naked.

I have seen this attitude on here before and it does mystify me. Of course it harms children to have adults leering over their body. My parents used to strip me off and set me loose and I daresay I enjoyed it at the time but I feel quite sick, looking back, to be honest. There is one picture of me aged about 3, completely naked, on some beach, and I can see people in the background just STARING. I don't even think it was with sexual gratification, just disapproval, but I hate the fact I was the subject of that when I wasn't old enough to make up my own mind.

You can have fun and enjoy life in so many ways, all of them with a pair of pants on!

lljkk · 12/05/2013 09:49

It goes back to the view that paedos are utterly un-reformable, they cannot be rehabilitated, are incapable of any self-control and will always be a huge risk to any and every child (or so goes the popular view). That they are impossible to spot and lurking everywhere, to boot. ( Not people in your own family, of course, they're safe. Confused )

So an ex-thief may view a beautiful jewel and not plan to steal it.
An ex-burglar can look at a house & not plot to burgle it.
An convicted murderer can encounter all sorts of people & have no desire to kill them.

But anyone who ever touched a child [defined as below arbitrary age of consent] is constantly obsessed with trying to do it again, and the sight of your child especially their bare skin, will send this person into a single-minded extremely cunning & clever obsession to target your child at the soonest opportunity.

Or so the hysteria goes.

I wonder if anyone has advocated blinding for all convicted paedophiles, so at least they would have rather more limited ability to physically locate possible victims. Cut off their hands, too, that should sort 'em.

Gubbins · 12/05/2013 09:54

I'm really sorry that you feel that way, Edgeofsociety, but I don't feel the same way at all. There are plenty of photos of me and my siblings naked as children, and all I feel is sad for the body conscious teenager and adult I became. Possibly I was leered at, if I was I didn't know about it, and if I was it's had no impact on me at all.