AIBU to think that it's inappropriate to joke that ...

[Lessthanaballpark]

the Ohio situation was "a sexual fantasy for both sides"

OTOH I want to think IABU because I see this person regularly and he's an otherwise lovely person and of course he was only joking but OTOH it made me feel physically sick and uncomfortable.

I'm hoping that he realised because I went a bit quiet and later brought the subject of inappropriateness in an indirect way, and I (in equally indirect way) told him that he was sometimes inappropriate and that a sex-joke in a platonic man-woman dynamic usually made the woman uncomfortable.

It's just I see him regularly. He's a personal tutor. And apart from the odd innuendo (that I try to ignore) extremely generous and nice to me. What to do? Just plod on and hope he's cottoned on?

YANBU. I hate people joking about things like that. I don't even 'get' this particular 'joke'.

it would only be inappropriate if he said it to the victims or someone close to them. Completely disagree with this - ridiculous thing to say.

How was it a sexual fantasy on both sides? What's the joke? . Because women often dream about getting kidnapped and raped by a dirty little pervert for decades and forced to have his babies some of which he kills? is that supposed to be the joke? It's so funny, that its just flipped back round to being unfunny.

"apart from the odd innuendo"

So, it's not the first time, then.

chips - yes it was a ridiculous statement. I take it back. Child rape is hilarious.

Are you channeling Jimmy Savile?

Hm, I think if I'd said anything at all it would have been about the sheer nastiness of the "joke". That's the problem there, not that you felt uncomfortable with it. He may have gone away with the impression that his "joke" was perfectly reasonable, but you the poor little flower didn't like him making sex jokes.

But then it's not your job to reform him is it; hopefully he'll be a bit more professional in future.

Think I might have said sarcastically "Yes,I guess it's every woman's fantasy to have a few forced miscarriages..."

Is he a friend or your tutor, OP?

I'm sure there is a joke to be made about this business, by the way, if you've got the stomach for it. But this ain't it. So I think the defence on the grounds of "anything can be joked about" is misguided. Yeah, but the main criteria is that it has to be funny in some way.

Mardy, he's my tutor but we've gotten on like a house on fire. I've really looked forward to my lessons every week. I'd feel sad if I had to stop learning (he's a great teacher).

I'm sure he'd be mortified if he thought he'd offended me. It's just, how can anyone find that funny?

'The odd innuendo'?

He's a pathetic, dirty old bloke isn't he?

It just shows his ignorance to imply he thinks girls/women can enjoy being raped. He hasn't a clue. He sounds stupid to me. Wonder what he tutors?

I think he needs some personal tutoring himself

Vile just vile.

Beer, ok, decision made - next week I'll be poised for full-on-force-gale-direct "that's out of order!" ...

.. and then I'll leg it!

Thanks all, you've made me feel much better knowng that IANBU.

Oh yes. It's hilarious. You have no sense of humour, obviously.

Did you hear the one about the women who were kidnapped, brutalised and repeatedly raped and held hostage for many years... they loved it.

hee hee har har oh stop my sides are hurting with the laughter

He's a personal tutor. And apart from the odd innuendo

What sort of tutor? I'd be a bit concerned tbh and I generally have a very broad dark sense of humour.

bold fail

He is not "lovely" at all.

Your personal tutor said this?? Good god. If my male colleagues made that kind of remarks to their female students and were reported, they would be in serious shit.

No no , it's not at college! It's informal. He teaches me a craft.

He's just one of those old-skool blokes who grew up before PC and before anyone realised that actually it's not funny to say that kind of stuff.

But I've kind of told him how I feel. If he picks up the hint, well and good, if not, I'll be off.