AIBU to think that it's inappropriate to joke that ...

[Lessthanaballpark]

the Ohio situation was "a sexual fantasy for both sides"

OTOH I want to think IABU because I see this person regularly and he's an otherwise lovely person and of course he was only joking but OTOH it made me feel physically sick and uncomfortable.

[MardyBra]

i.e. nobody in the vicinity.

[MardyBra]

Are you alone with this bloke when he is tutoring you?

[MammaTJ]

Actually, I am scared for you. Do promise you will report asap.

[MammaTJ]

It is far from harmless. So far it cannot even see harmless in the distance.

[Lessthanaballpark]

Phantom's got it! I don't want to say exactly which craft it is cos it could out me if his wife is a mumsnetter!

Sorry I'm rationalising. I guess I'm just tryna convince myself it's harmless.

You guys are great. Thanks for caring.

[Thisisaeuphemism]

Crikey, I think you dealt with it alright. I wouldn't worry that he'd be mortified to offend you - he should be bloody mortified.
I would not want to be alone with someone who views women in that way :(

[Floggingmolly]

before anyone realised actually it's not funny to say that kind of stuff
.
Before anyone realised? . Stop trying to rationalise what he said; it would never have been considered "funny".

[phantomnamechanger]

I'm not sure there is anyone "higher up" to complain to, I get the feeling this is a self employed person doing some kind of 1-to-1 craft class she goes to

a young, loud, foolish lad out to shock in a group of mates saying this in the pub is one thing (not that it makes it better), but there is something more sinister about a man saying this to a woman on her own - IMO

[MammaTJ]

Do not quit classes, but do complain higher up. He needs to know he is making his student uncomfortable by joking about someone in a position of power kidnapping students. AND SAYING IT WAS A SEXUAL FANTASY FROM BOTH SIDES.

I am not an alarmist by any means but I have a ringing in my ears and a fear for you while with this person.

[Lessthanaballpark]

Beer, you're right - my Dad would never say that in a million either. He's a gent. You're right I'm making excuses. But I don't want to quit the classes. It would piss me off heavily if I had to stop learning something I loved cos of this.

But I will be wary and if it happens again I won't tolerate it. Cos it's not on.

[Ooopsadaisy]

I would actually be concerned that he has got himself off over this awful story from Ohio. Perhaps it's his dirty little fantasy and maybe he's wondering if you're up for it.

Yuck. Really. I wouldn't be alone with him.

[Lessthanaballpark]

Phantom - my response was a "Ewww gross! No it's not, it's horrific!" followed by no eye-contact due to embarrassment, then move onto next task....bit quiet for a while, but then picked up convo about something else.

Then later when subject presented itself, my brave attempt at delivering a mini-lecture on etiquette! And I defnitely let him know that it was me, myself and I that felt uncomfortable cos I managed to work that Marilyn French line in "the problem is - whilst most men are fine, just a couple of evil sickos keep all women nervous"

Ok, I'm sure she put it more eloquently than that of course

[CoalDustWoman]

You could crack a "joke" that he sounds like a rapist when he says stuff like that.

[phantomnamechanger]

If anyone said that to me I would let them know in no uncertain terms that I was appallled. If I HAD to carry on seeing that person, a work colleague, they would get decidedly cool treatment. If I did not HAVE to carry on seeing this person, then I would not.

I would actually be worried by this OP, by your own admission, he already makes the odd innuendo, he has now made this VERY off remark about this dire, sick, twisted scenario being a "fantasy" and the feedback he got from you was NOT "how repulsive" - so for all you know, he may now think you might be a willing party to his "fantasies"

your half hearted stab at telling him he was inappropriate a sex-joke in a platonic man-woman dynamic usually made the woman uncomfortable might also backfire on you if the message he got from that was "some women but not me, would find that uncomfortable"

I'd be very wary of this man if I were you

[hiddenhome]

Most of us grew up before PC, but we wouldn't think that this would ever be acceptable. Dh is 52 and he wouldn't either

You're just making excuses for him.

[Lessthanaballpark]

He's just one of those old-skool blokes who grew up before PC and before anyone realised that actually it's not funny to say that kind of stuff.

But I've kind of told him how I feel. If he picks up the hint, well and good, if not, I'll be off.

[Lessthanaballpark]

No no , it's not at college! It's informal. He teaches me a craft.

[JacqueslePeacock]

Your personal tutor said this?? Good god. If my male colleagues made that kind of remarks to their female students and were reported, they would be in serious shit.

[Floggingmolly]

He is not "lovely" at all.

[AvonCallingBarksdale]

bold fail

[AvonCallingBarksdale]

He's a personal tutor. And apart from the odd innuendo

What sort of tutor? I'd be a bit concerned tbh and I generally have a very broad dark sense of humour.

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

Oh yes. It's hilarious. You have no sense of humour, obviously.

Did you hear the one about the women who were kidnapped, brutalised and repeatedly raped and held hostage for many years... they loved it.

hee hee har har oh stop my sides are hurting with the laughter