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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To drop my DS off to play at a friend's house and not stay myself?

40 replies

DublinMammy · 10/05/2013 15:44

My DS is 4, one of the mums from his crèche asked if he would like to come round to play this afternoon. I have just dropped him off and didn't stay more than a couple of minutes so I could come home with my 4 month old and get the house sorted and have a bit of quiet time. She seemed a little surprised. It's his first solo play with this friend but was I meant to stay? He wasn't at all upset at me going but now I feel like I have made some sort if blunder. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 10/05/2013 15:45

Drop and run. Always a good plan.

Original poster
DublinMammy · 10/05/2013 15:47

I am feeling a bit paranoid about it usual, is that sarcasm or is what I did the done thing?

OP posts:
mrsjay · 10/05/2013 15:48

you got out of the car and not drop kicked him in Grin the mum probably thought you would stay for a coffee its ok she will be on here later saying AIBU but this mum abandoned her son Wink

livinginwonderland · 10/05/2013 15:48

yanbu, drop and run! she offered to have them, she can look after them!

mrsjay · 10/05/2013 15:49

oh Mine was sarcastic too I think it is fine My dds just used to go to friends houses and I didnt stay unless invited to stay

BackforGood · 10/05/2013 15:49

Only thing I've evver done - it's the children that want to play with each other, not the parents, surely ?
I've only ever come across parents staying on MN, never in RL.
I think you are the normal one, but you'll get a lot of other posters disagreeing with me I suspect Wink

TeWiSavesTheDay · 10/05/2013 15:49

At 4 she may have expected you to stay and wanted to spend some time chatting with you as well. Most people I know stay until their children are school age.

usualsuspect · 10/05/2013 15:51

Sorry, I think it's fine if he's happy to stay without you.

I didn't expect parents to stay if I asked a child round to play.

neepsandtatties · 10/05/2013 15:51

Where I am, it seems you stop for the first play (DS is in reception, so all children are 4 or 5). And then once you know the parent doesn't have two heads, you drop and run. Of course, if you already know the parent socially, and the child has been to the house before, then you wouldn't expect to stay.

LeaveTheBarSteward · 10/05/2013 15:51

Did she text or ask you personally. Did she invite you or did she say ds's name?
Don't think you were rude but you may have got your wires crossed if she looked surprised.

Oblomov · 10/05/2013 15:52

I think the expectation is, that children go round with said parent, until the other parent makes a point of saying, ds to come on his OWN.

Tailtwister · 10/05/2013 15:53

I would think it a little strange unless it has been specifically agreed you would leave him. Most people I know stay with their child until school age unless they have been before.

ginmakesitallok · 10/05/2013 15:53

I would have stayed.

chocoluvva · 10/05/2013 15:53

Well, she MIGHT have been inviting you round for coffee tea, but as she didn't specifically ask you when she invited your DC I don't think she could really expect it when she knows you have a little baby.

When you collect him, ask her if he was well-behaved and make a lot of thanking her. You could invite her round with her DC and take the opportunity to mention how grateful you were for having some time to yourself and your baby as you're so busy.

usualsuspect · 10/05/2013 15:54

I would invite the parent for coffee if I wanted them to stay.

If I just said 'little Jimmy can come and play' I wouldn't want the parent to stay.

neontetra · 10/05/2013 15:55

I think it's down to personal preference, and if she preferred you to stay that should have been made clear in the invite. Don't stress.

mrsjay · 10/05/2013 15:55

what is the difference between 4 preschool and 5 school age ? genuine question

Original poster
DublinMammy · 10/05/2013 15:56

Well I know her a bit to say hello to at the crèche they both go to. My DS has been at her DS's birthday party about a month ago and her son couldn't make my DS's birthday party last weekend so the way she phrased it was "Would DublinSon like to come up to play one day next week, maybe Friday?". She didn't day anything about me stay

OP posts:
Oblomov · 10/05/2013 15:56

Some parents seem to think that a 4 year old is too young to go on their own. Ds2 is very keen for school to start so that he can start going round to peoples houses without me. I'm looking forward to that too!!

mrsjay · 10/05/2013 15:56

or another thing I would do depending on how far I had to walk to drop them off is stay for a cuppa then leave ,

Original poster
DublinMammy · 10/05/2013 15:57

Oops, posted too soon. She didn't say anything about me staying it was just him....

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 10/05/2013 15:57

I didn't know there was an age limit. No one I know would expect the parent to stay.

Oblomov · 10/05/2013 15:58

Mrsjay, no idea? Wink my point exactly.
But Op, frm your last post, I suggest she was really inviting you aswell. I am very confident that she assumed you would stay.

currentbuns · 10/05/2013 15:58

I wouldn't stay with a 4yo unless the mother was someone I was already friendly with and happy to sit about chatting to for a while. If the mother seemed disappointed, perhaps she had seen it as an opportunity to get to know you better? Either way, you certainly haven't transgressed the "done thing."

rambososcar · 10/05/2013 15:58

If the invitation was along the lines of, "Would Peter like to come over tomorrow?" or "Why don't you bring Peter over to play with John tomorrow?" then I'd think it was Peter being invited, not me, and do exactly as you have DublinMammy. Besides, I can't think of many things I'd rather not do than make small talk with someone I only know through my child while listening to twice the amount of 4 year old noise!