Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to go by myself to a music festival?

93 replies

KatyTheCleaningLady · 10/05/2013 08:13

Okay. My husband has been working up in Scotland while I've been living in England, working and being a single mother since Christmas. DH is due to come down to join us at the end of the month, and today he finds out if he has a job he really wants. We are pretty optimistic about that happening.

If he has the job, we are financially set. Yay!

Now, I've been scrubbing toilets and wrangling kids and making decent money, and I would like a little break.

I have never been to a festival. I also have never seen Slayer live. They are headlining at Bloodfest in August. I was thinking it would be fun to go for the Saturday and Sunday, leaving Sat am and coming home Monday am.

I don't think a little weekend away is a big deal, but a lot of people I know are aghast. "You want to leave your husband with the kids while you go to a heavy metal festival?" Er, yes? Confused

I have not asked my dh yet as we are focused on the job thing he will hear about today. If it's the good news we're hoping for, I will ask him.

My husband has "let" me take a trip to Los Angeles and a little trip to Bruges. I also go for all day hill walks, etc. I like the occasional break and he's pretty cool about this.
But so many people look Shock at me, and make comments to the effect of me somehow having my husband under some sort of unfair control that makes him agree to these things, that I'm wondering if maybe they're right. DH is ok with this sort of thing, but he does grumble a little.

How many of you with dh/dp's would be "allowed" to go off for a weekend like this?

Am I BU?

OP posts:
Glittertwins · 10/05/2013 13:11

It was the toilet facilities (or lack of) !!!

Numberlock · 10/05/2013 13:12

I doubt you'd be on your own for long anyway, OP, I'm sure you'd soon hook up with other groups/singletons.

As for the mudfest, that depends on the weather (obviously) but how soon you get there to choose a decent spot and if you're not arriving till the Friday you might be short on choice.

Why not go for the whole thing (assuming it starts on the Friday?)

Original poster
KatyTheCleaningLady · 10/05/2013 13:25

It starts Thursday. I'm really only interested in the Sat and Sun lineups, and I think more than two days would be boring. Also, to minimise the time my husband is dealing with kids, work and childcare.

Glitter, I will take a camping pee bucket thing to keep in my tent. I always do when camping.

I imagine there are no showers, but another bucket will serve as a wash bowl.

OP posts:
Numberlock · 10/05/2013 13:26

Get it booked.

Glittertwins · 10/05/2013 13:46

The bucket is a wise idea...and dry shampoo!

Original poster
KatyTheCleaningLady · 10/05/2013 13:50

Numberlock, if he gets the good news today, then I will!

It could all be moot if he doesn't get the job. Fingers crossed!

OP posts:
Glittertwins · 10/05/2013 14:00

Fingers crossed for him :)

Thanquol · 10/05/2013 14:22

Bloodfest? In August? With Slayer? - That'll be Bloodstock then! Smile

Last year Bloodstock was possibly the only festival with good weather; it's a smaller fest and certainly in previous years it's been quite friendly, there is a quiet camping area for folks who want to have a kip rather than party and for folks bringing their kids.

There are showers but you have to pay to use em!

You may find info of use on the Bloodstock website - also the forums there may help! Grin

Original poster
KatyTheCleaningLady · 10/05/2013 14:42

Yes! Bloodstock! I literally only found out about it last night. I was Googling something about Carcass, and saw they are scheduled to play some festival later in the year. They're the only band so far, and there was nothing else about the event. But, I got the idea to Google "metal festival uk" and found SLAYER!! Thought, "You know, that could be fun."

I was looking at the photos of last year's festival on the website and was surprised at how young everyone was. I thought it would be a bunch of 40 - somethings like me, indulging in a bit of nostalgia.

I am a pretty boring looking person. Sensible shoes, knitter, etc. I hope that I am not the only person my age /type there.

OP posts:
CatelynStark · 10/05/2013 14:48

Go! It'll be brilliant!

I'm definitely going to do this when my kids are a bit older (lone parent) - just make sure you camp in the quiet/family areas otherwise you'll have arsehole teens shouting 'bollocks' or 'bogies' or 'Alan' all night!

Original poster
KatyTheCleaningLady · 10/05/2013 15:33

He got the job!

BLOODSTOCK HERE I COME! Grin

OP posts:
HairyGrotter · 10/05/2013 16:04

Go and enjoy!!

I'm doing 3 festivals this year, one with DD though. The other two are my 'grown up' time, I say grown up, I go because I love live music and I can drink at 6am without judgement ;)

Have fun and congrats on the job front!

BullieMama · 10/05/2013 16:57

OP, have a look at the Steelhouse Festival in South Wales, has just the atmosphere your looking for, I am pushing 40 and love reliving my youth,but it is also family friendly as a rock festival can be, have taken my daughter since she was 6. Saxon, Magnum, FM classic Dad rock but then new up and coming bands Temperance Movement, Buffalo Summer, Skam Fighting Wolves.

Not as hard as Slayer but come to South Wales for the weekend for a warm Welsh welcome Grin

FarBetterNow · 10/05/2013 18:13

YANBU about wanting to go to a festival on your own.
I wouldn't want to go to that one as there will probably lots of bottles of piss flying around over the punters, which is why hats are standard festival wear.

badguider · 10/05/2013 18:16

My DH would be ok with it BUT we live together. He will take our DS for a half day or day almost every weekend and a whole weekend about once a year.

If he'd been living away for a while though I wouldn't want to go away for a weekend, I'd be missing him and want to spend time with him at the weekends when he was back.

Glittertwins · 10/05/2013 18:34

Woohoo :) well done MrKaty!!

Bunraku · 10/05/2013 19:53

I'm going to download on my own as I do every year. Ps there is usually a camp with a lot of people going alone to make new friends and just have people to camp with really as if you're camping its good to have a few neighbours to watch each others welfare. The one for download is called Camp Loner, not sure if there's something similar for bloodstock. Yanbu to want to experience anything that you enjoy even if its met with a grumble initially. My DH always has a great time when I'm gone :)

Original poster
KatyTheCleaningLady · 10/05/2013 21:52

Well! An update!

DH is not thrilled with the idea. I think he thinks it's going to be some sort of decadent orgy straight out of a stupid heavy metal video and that I'm going to be deflowered by Stacee Jaxx and/or cannibalized by Scandanavian Death Metal enthusiasts.

He talked about going with me. I'm, like, "OK. If you wanna go. But, you don't really like the music." He's never even heard any of the bands. Not even Slayer! I think £130 is an awful lot of money to spend on a weekend of music you don't like. And, also? I kinda don't want him to see me geeking out to this shit. I have always kind of kept my metal music sort of private. To me, it's really funny and I see it as a bit of a joke, but I totally love brutal, heavy, fast music and I'm not sure how much fun it would be to head bang in front of my husband who, whenever the subject of music comes up, goes on and on about his days going to Manchester clubs to see the Stone Roses or whatever the fuck I don't care about because I'm American and anyway THRASH!!1!!

But! I don't think he'll really want to spend the money. Also, I think he'd be happy if I took our nine-year-old. I repeatedly assured him that the festival is family-friendly, kids are very welcome, there's a family camping area, and a child's ticket is only £30. I guess he figures I won't actually have a heavy metal gang bang with a bunch of paunchy guys who I last listened to in 1988 if I've got the kid chaperoning me.

And, my son is sort of intrigued by the idea. I played a Slayer song for him and he said, "Sounds pretty good so far. Will they play that song?" "Angel of Death? Oh, you can count on it."

So! Looks like I'm going, but not alone.

OP posts:
Numberlock · 11/05/2013 08:12

Please don't back down, OP.

Glittertwins · 11/05/2013 08:12

I love rock music but not thrash/speed metal. I wouldn't pay £130 and suffer camping for a music festival full of bands playing it. A one hour set of Slayer in the middle of the favourite bands was more than enough for me.

Glittertwins · 11/05/2013 08:14

Pressed post too soon. He won't enjoy it and it will bring a downer on your time if he goes with you. You will be fine on you own :)

seeker · 11/05/2013 08:20

Excuse me? He is only going to be happy if you take your 9 year old with you and camp in the family area? Shock

And you're really going to have a good time while you're making sure a 9 year old has a good time too, aren't you?

Don't do it. Go on your own. He is being controlling and ridiculous.

RooneyMara · 11/05/2013 08:25

I kind of feel torn about this. It reminds me of being with a dear boyfriend many years ago, but still wanting to go to certain concerts etc by myself as I felt they were not something he understood, and were a part of me I needed to validate.

The thing is when you're young you feel like your life could go in any direction, and if you go to a gig and meet someone there who asks you to move into a flat in the big city, you'll want to take up the offer just to see what happens. When you're older you already have things in place and a direction to your life. And commitments.

So I guess if it is just a part of you that doesn't threaten what you have with dh then that's fine, but it sounds as though it's something that actively excludes him - that he doesn't validate that part of you, or understand it and in that sense might it be a threat?

It does sound a bit like you're having a sort of crisis, in that you are seeking to deny, in your mind, a little, that you're committed to a life that doesn't involve heavy metal gatherings, and play away for a few days.

I think I'd be a bit offended/threatened by that if I was your H tbh. I'd wonder if I/we were enough for you.

Maybe my thinking is a bit skewed on this though, I really have no idea.

BeerTricksPotter · 11/05/2013 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 11/05/2013 08:37

I am ridiculously cross about this "I'm fine about you going to a festival, so long as you take a child with you, so you can't enjoy yourself"

How dare he!