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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or do you just apologise for a quiet life.

28 replies

AgroomOfOnesOwn · 08/05/2013 21:04

A few of us started up a volunteer run project. We fell quite naturally into roles but the leader seemed to find it hard to relinquish control. At a meeting she got quite drunk picked a fight and then when hung over the next day sent me some pretty aggressive emails.

Not sure what the others were told but I was then taken off the email list, left off the projects and effectively dismissed.

This weekend as a favour I took a lot of photos. The 'leader' has got wind and wants to use them.

Do I ...
a) apologise for I know not for just being quite good at copy/web design
b) give her the photos
c) say nothing
d) tell her to shove it up her arse

I'm counting votes and listening.....

OP posts:
CookieLady · 08/05/2013 21:07

What was she aggressive about?

deleted203 · 08/05/2013 21:07

I am of the 'shove it up your arse' persuasion, personally.

And I'm not one to suffer in silence. I'd be saying, 'Actually, in view of your obnoxious drunken behaviour and bullying unpleasant emails when hung over, you've got a fucking nerve, love, to even approach me! Now fuck off to the far side of fuck - and when you get there fuck off some more....

(I am noted for my people skills Grin)

sarahseashell · 08/05/2013 21:08

I'd do c) and don't engage with her at all unless she expressly asks you, at which point you can ask for an apology for her rude behaviour Wink

messybedhead · 08/05/2013 21:22

Definitely d.

andubelievedthat · 08/05/2013 21:26

What Sowornout said ,with a double double helping of "fuck right off !"

fryingpantoface · 08/05/2013 21:28

Same as sowhat but then I'm not known for my people skills...

HollyBerryBush · 08/05/2013 21:28

The 'leader' has got wind and wants to use them.

how do you know this if you have been struck from the email list?

Jengnr · 08/05/2013 21:28

C is the sensible answer but sowornout has nailed it really.

fritteringtwit · 08/05/2013 21:29

I'd do what sowornout says.

Let her take her own sodding photos.

CookieLady · 08/05/2013 21:30

If you've been left off projects why did you agree to take photos for them?

Wuldric · 08/05/2013 21:31

(a) Unquestionably (a)

It always pours oil over troubled water - works a treat - you might find out that she apologises right back and you make friends :)

Even if she doesn't apologise back, you can look down on her from your moral highground and feel secretly virtuous

picnicbasketcase · 08/05/2013 21:31

Hell no, she'd be getting no photos from me. Bloody rude moo.

TigOldBitties · 08/05/2013 21:36

I'd confront her, but then I'm very confrontational Blush

Whats this project? Its something you volunteered for so something you want to support or care about? Will it suffer without your photos?

I wouldn't let her have the photos until the air was cleared but I don't think I'd immediately tell her to shove it up her arse if the photos could benefit something I value.

SacreBlue · 08/05/2013 21:38

Getting drunk at a meeting Shock why wasn't she booted out (or at minimum reprimanded by the group?)

On the photos -

Who was the 'favour' for?
What does the 'leader' so imagining female Kim Jong-il want them for?
Would you want to 'come back on board' via offering use?
Would you trust them to credit you as photographer?

Sorry if x post but wanted to think what info I would be thinking of if 'twere me!

OnTheNingNangNong · 08/05/2013 21:39

Another vote for the sowornout solution.

maddening · 08/05/2013 21:46

What are you going to apologise for?

Minshu · 08/05/2013 22:07

I'd probably do c, until she came to me directly, then try to find out what the problem was. My conflict resolution style is withdrawal - I don't like confrontation and choose not to engage with twats...

Has she asked you for the photos directly, or is this via other group members? How is your relationship with the other group members? What do they think of her?

Snazzynewyear · 08/05/2013 22:11

I'd probably also do (c). But I think we need more info about why you took them as a favour, how leader has 'got wind' of this and how it has been communicated to you that she wants to use them. I would definitely want her to do me the courtesy of asking directly and of apologising for her previous emails.

BriansBrain · 08/05/2013 22:12

How do you know she wants to use your hoots and how does she know you have taken them?

Original poster
AgroomOfOnesOwn · 08/05/2013 22:44

Well sowornout's careful phrasing has really cheered me up, thank you.

It's a project I think has great potential and I took the photos for a friend/volunteer who'd put a huge amount of work in but no one else had thought to document. After the event turned out they'd only a few camera phone specials hence the out of the blue request.

I'll sleep on it.

OP posts:
olivertheoctopus · 08/05/2013 22:51

D!!!

ImperialBlether · 08/05/2013 22:53

Whether you give her the photos or not, you really have to call her on the way she spoke to you. Who the hell does she think she is? She sounds as though she's used to people caving in - tackle her on it! And then come back and tell us how it went

quesadilla · 08/05/2013 22:56

What I want to know is who decided she got to be the leader anyway? The other people in this group sound a bunch of total sheep. Hard to know exactly why she was aggressive with you if you won't give more details but it sounds like she is an entitled twat and I am a bit shocked no one challenged her on it...

Are you sure you want to be involved if they are all such wimps?

VerySmallSqueak · 08/05/2013 23:01

I would tell her to shove it up her arse.

However if the photos will be of benefit to the project and your friends,I would probably then give them to them (even if they will go on to her) and just be pleased I'd made my point.

yaimee · 08/05/2013 23:29

I do with my Mum, no one else though!

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