Lost the will to support friend with money issues any longer and not loan money?!

[DaisyFlower123]

I have a friend, call her A, all she ever does is whinge and moan about how much debt they are in, how they owe lots of money on credit cards, overdrawn etc, etc. I have now on a number of occasions sat down with her, at her request, gone through all their income and outgoings, helped them sort out how to pay back the debts etc. She and her DH never ever stick to this and are constantly fine dining, going on holiday and buying expensive things - apparently it is not worth having if it isn't designer!

Financially, myself and DH are doing well, though we earn less than friend and have childcare to pay for, we never use credit cards, have no loans (apart from mortgage) and are building up our savings. We have fun and go away etc but it'll be camping in cornwall rather than 2 weeks in St Lucia! We are not tight with money but we are careful.

Friend A has now had another crash financially and has asked us to loan them over £5000 so they 'can get on top of the worst credit cards'. they promise to pay us back within a year, they'll follow whatever financial plan I help them create etc, etc. We have said no. £5000 is ALOT of money to us and we are just expecting DC2 so need to cover my maternity etc. Friend A and DH are now livid with us, they say we can afford it and if we were true friends we would help them out.

The thing is I would help them out if I thought for one minute they would actually really try and sort things out but they have never done this in the past. I have never asked to be privy to their finances, they have always come to us, but I don't think their financial situation is our problem. I will always help them if they wanted advice, but I am no professional in this, I just know what myself and DH do. I've suggested they seek professional help from the debt repayment organisations etc but 'that's too demeaning' apparently.

Apparently this will effect our friendship long term according to them but I think that's just blackmail and makes me feel used!

In the background to all this we lent them £1000 about four years ago with a promised repayment of 3 mths, 2 years later they finally paid us back!!

AIBU to think this isn't my problem and they should respect our decision?

I had a friend ask me for £100 one time. She was crying on the phone laying it on thick. She's a flakey friend. I said no, she put me in a position, she's someone who lets me down, and don't see for months. I've backed off since, but she contacts me, rather than the other way around.
If this was my bf of 30 years, who I trust my life with, I wouldn't lend it, it'd give it to her. She's reliable and I'd know she'd give it back ( but I wouldn't want it back).

Yanbu, she is being very unreasonable, and has put you and your dh in a position which isn't very nice. I'd back off for a while.

I agree, never lend money you can't afford to lose.

I have loaned money to a friend to tide over during a divorce and with mounting debts. The plan was to repay me quite quickly but due to a house sale falling through I am still waiting. Luckily it is not a problem for me at the moment as the money was savings and not earmarked for anything yet but in your situation with a baby due, I would not dream of taking the chance.

YA definitely not BU. If they are saying if you don't give them the loan that's the end of the friendship, so be it. They aren't good friends. How much will it be next time? 10k? 20k?

You are being very sensible saying no and you should put yourself first.

I would agree with saying no and walking away . Chances are they have others they borrow off and use the "loan" from one to pay of the next plus treat themselves . Effectively these loans enable the continuing overspending and debt issue not address the underlying problem.

No way in hell would I be loaning them any cash never mind 5k!
I would also let it affect the friendship by telling them to fuck the fuck off.

I've got the for you, people like this are so entitled and think the world revolves around their latest crisis of the day.

They are not your friends!

What did they think you were saving for?! Just in case they needed a hand out?! Sounds like they're major freeloaders to me and have taken absolutely no responsibility for their own actions. It's despicable that they think they are more entitled to your hard earned cash than your unborn child. In fact, I'd be tempted to ask them why they think this is, if you ever speak to them again.

The only time we have ever borrowed money like this is actually this week, but it was for half the amount and from the ILs. We are not in the UK but had an unexpected bill in £. They have paid it for us and an international bank transfer is on its way to them as we speak. So they'll be refunded within a week. Even now, I feel bad that we had to ask them in the first place. Your 'friends' have no shame.

No no no no no!! Cheeky devils, but think we are all just confirming what you already know, YANBU and they are!!

I'd end the friendship myself if someone tried this on me.

I'm raging reading this Daisy. They sound utterly pathetic and to be honest if they're not your friend any more because you wont lend the money

a) they were never your friend in the first place
b) You're far better of without them.

Keep the money it does not sound like you'll get it back in a hurry. If they want a reason tell them that you need it for maternity which is true and that they took so long to pay back the last money you lent them that you can't trust them again.

Last time I lent a friend money it was to pay their electric bill and stop them being cut off and they paid me back at £10 a month by standing order. It was a lot to them but they paid back every bit in the time they said so i'd lend to them again.

DO NOT LEND IT.......
You will end up minus 5k and a friend.
If her financial situation is so dire, then she will not be able to pay it back or wont make it her priority, because 'you're her friend and she will just make excuses why she cannot pay this month blah blah'
Every time you see her purchase anything you will be wondering where she got the money from and why she cannot use it to pay you back.
She will start to avoid you because of the money owing
You will be unable to recoup the money if they fail to pay unless you take them through the courts.

Please read some of these to see what happens when you lend money to friends.
forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=76953

Also DO NOT agree to be a guarantor for them on any of these flaky laon companies that will loan to bad creditors as long as a friend with good credit guarentees is. The interest rate is horrendous and you will be left with the debt.

The best thing you can do is direct them to a debt management company to help them with their creditors.
There are a few free ones like Payplan and cccs that can help her.

Hellll no
Yanbu

Get rid of crazy ppl

YANBU!

These people are not your friends

Practice this phrase "Oh, do fuck off, there's a dear" and use it at will.

Daisy you weren't silly telling them. if they did the same as you, they would not be in their mess.

increasing their levels of debt wont help them. if the bank wont lend to them, they are not a good risk...

That's ridiculous! YADNBU! tell them to fuck off, especially as they're trying to blackmail you with it!