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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about wanting to get DS a toy pushchair?

76 replies

ShadowStorm · 07/05/2013 19:13

DS is 21 months, and I'm currently pregnant with DC2.

I've been thinking about getting DS a toy pushchair and doll so that he can play at looking after a baby - sort of practice for being a big brother, IYSWIM. DS also likes playing with pushchairs at playgroups and round friend's houses.

I mentioned this pushchair buying plan to DH, and he looked a bit Hmm and said that he thought I shouldn't do this as we don't have room for a toy pushchair (Not strictly true, as we can easily make room for one if we wanted to).
Anyway, I said, well, I'll just get him a doll for now then, and we can get a toy pushchair later.

Turns out DH's real objection wasn't about space. He thinks that DS shouldn't get a doll and pushchair because it would be freaky for DS to play with such a girly toy and pretend to look after a baby. I pointed out that DH himself looks after DS - including when DS was a baby - so DS would be copying his daddy as much as he'd be copying me - but somehow this is different because DS is a real child.

I still think that there'd be nothing wrong with buying DS a pushchair and doll to play with. AIBU?

OP posts:
PeppaPigStinks · 07/05/2013 21:13

My friends DH was the same. When their DS came to play with us and we walked up to the shops I let her ds push a play shopping trolls with one of dd dolls. He took it home and we have let him keep the trolly!

Could you Get a blue doll or see if you can get any boyish clothes for prem babies that will fit?

Queenofknickers · 07/05/2013 21:16

Definitely give it a go. We did for Ds1 when he was 18 months and we were expecting DS2 - however he chucked the doll out, filled it with bricks and said "car" firmly and wouldn't be dissuaded. T be fair he's not at all interested in babies whereas DS2 loved pushing pushchair!

Original poster
ShadowStorm · 07/05/2013 21:27

I've been more concerned about getting a non-pink toy pushchair TBH.

Whether the doll's dressed in pink or blue shouldn't be a problem - DS was 6 weeks premature, and we've still got some of his first clothes, so I think we could easily turn most pink dolls into a doll dressed in gender neutral or blue clothes.

OP posts:
OxfordBags · 07/05/2013 21:42

Why would a parent want to limit their child's fun, imagination, learning of physical skills, and chance to be kind and nurturing? It's not just ridiculous and nonsensical, it's actually sexist. If we take his stupid and untrue argument that buggies are 'girly', then even so, why can't he play with one? I bet he'd let a girl play with a train set. It's the unspoken idea that female things are beneath males, IMHO. Besides, at 21 months, your son has zero idea that he is male, and will not understand why some things are for boys and some things are for girls.

Actually, I'm 40 and still don't understand it myself, because it's all a load of bollocks.

My son has a lovely buggy. It's navy and fuschia from John Lewis - he chose it. Little boys actualy love pink as much as girls until they start getting gender aware after the age of 3 and become inculcated by messages of what they should and shouldn't like.

Anyway, you can get a fairly cheap black and blue buggy from ELC.

If his Daddy pushes a pram, of course he will want to copy both of you. It's how they learn about their world and socialise. It makes no sense to see Daddies pushing prams but little boys aren't allowed to. My son is so tender and caring and loves to play with his pink dolly, as well as his other cuddly toys. It would make me a very bad and stupid parent to take that joy and learning away from him, and to actively prevent him from developing empathy and caring.

Also tell your DH that studies show that boys who are prevented from mixed-gender role play in early childhood consistently prove, in said studies, to be the ones who are most confused about their masculinity and sexuality in their teens and adulthood. How can they work out who they're meant to be without trying lots of stuff?!

TrucksAndDinosaurs · 07/05/2013 22:07

DS likes pushing pushchairs minus dolls. Didnt buy one as he enjoyed pushing it at high speed into furniture.Also mad on his toy kitchen and vacuum cleaner.

Original poster
ShadowStorm · 07/05/2013 22:31

That would be an interesting counter argument, OxfordBags

That'd be more likely to convince DH than me telling him he's being sexist. Have you got any links to these studies?

OP posts:
CoffeeChocolateWine · 07/05/2013 23:21

What is about some dads being funny about this kind of thing! I don't think children of that age even 'get' the difference between girls and boys...they just like copying what their parents do. When my DS was about the same age I asked my parents to buy him a little tea set as a Christmas pressie and my dad flatly refused as he thought it was odd for a young boy to be playing with a tea set???! Why would a little boy like imitating his parents any less than a little girl?! Anyway, my mum got it so all good!

Anyway, every child I know of this age LOVES pushing a pushchair around and I think it's a really sweet idea getting a doll too. When I was expecting my DC2, my DS didn't have a doll but he would pretend his favourite toy was his baby and apparently he was playing with dolls a lot at nursery. He did at playgroups too. It's a nice idea.

MrsCosmopilite · 07/05/2013 23:28

I've had to confiscate DD's puschair. She got it for Christmas and every time she plays with it she either rams my legs, runs over my toes, or keeps deliberately slamming it into the door/stairgate until I can't stand the noise any longer.

When she plays with a doll in it, the doll gets put in upside-down, thrown out, trodden on, run over, and put back in upside-down and back to front.

However, regardless of my current aversion, I think it's a good idea. Make sure it's one that folds up easily so you can bung it in the corner/under the sofa when you've had enough, and that it won't catch any fingers. :)

OxfordBags · 07/05/2013 23:55

Oh God, not off the top of my head. I bet you could find some via Google easily enough. Mind you, I think if he needs evidence like that, though, before he'll relent, you've got problems with him than buying a certain toy or not. He's not one of those knobbers who think boys can catch Teh Gay off 'girly' things, is he? That' as misogynist and homophobic as it is scientifically wrong.

OneFingerSjupesUpTheYoni · 08/05/2013 00:10

My dnephew had a buggy and blue teddy aka blue baby. He is 6 and a half and has lost blue baby on holiday last year, he cried for days :(

MY ds is 18 months and when i find a wee dolly and pram i like i'll buy him it - dp has no problems with this and he has been known to have the attitude of russel kane's 'triple tiple' dad Grin

OneFingerSjupesUpTheYoni · 08/05/2013 00:10

My dnephew had a buggy and blue teddy aka blue baby. He is 6 and a half and has lost blue baby on holiday last year, he cried for days :(

MY ds is 18 months and when i find a wee dolly and pram i like i'll buy him it - dp has no problems with this and he has been known to have the attitude of russel kane's 'triple riple' dad Grin

ThistleVille · 08/05/2013 00:10

Bought a buggy for my eldest son which was passed down to his two younger brothers. All three now in their 20's and perfectly well adjusted young men! Buy the buggy for your DS.

OneFingerSjupesUpTheYoni · 08/05/2013 00:11

MY is not supposed to be in caps ...

ZebraOwl · 08/05/2013 00:23

YADNBU!

The fact we still have this nonsense about Girls' Toys vs Boys' Toys in the C21 makes me despair sometimes, it really does. Children should be allowed - indeed, actively encouraged - to play with a wide range of toys, especially ones that invite imaginative play.

Buy the pushchair. And thwack your DH over the head with it if he persists with his nonsense.

ThreeDaughtersLoveSandwiches · 08/05/2013 00:40

My exSIL has made her DMum get rid of all their "girls" toys so her DS can't play with them. My 2 youngest used to love playing with the toy kitchen and babies when we visited but can't now as he is obviously more important! I even gave him a toy pig and because it was pink exMIL said she would give it to somebody else!

It really pisses me off that someone can be so narrow minded! ??

Morloth · 08/05/2013 04:28

I really don't understand this attitude. DH pushed the buggy as often as I did.

Both my boys have had dolls and buggies as toys. We had to buy a new one for DS2 as DS1's one got such heavy use it fell apart.

They are still boys.

I will admit that a lot of the time DS1 had his upside down and was playing with the wheels, with the baby tipped out. But DS2 is apparently going to be a more caring father and actually uses the safety straps for his baby.

Thumbwitch · 08/05/2013 04:46

I had this exact same argument with DH ages ago, re DS1. Fortunately for me though, he saw the force of the "you do it, why shouldn't DS?" argument, although also had ishoos with the idea of a pink one. In the end I didn't get one for DS1 because he wasn't that bothered about the idea of playing with them (he had plenty of opportunity at playgroups and didn't really want to); but I did get him a dolls' house. Very pink - so we repainted various rooms and the roof, to make it more unisex.
Had the same argument again with DH (obviously it needs to be toy-specific each time Hmm) but he again saw my point, and DS1 has had fun repainting it, and putting batman and spiderman in there. Wink

Now we have DS2 (DS1 now 5) and if he wants a pushchair and doll when he's older, he will have one.

Thumbwitch · 08/05/2013 04:48

Oh and if he's still not convinced, show him this diagram Grin

RubyrooUK · 08/05/2013 07:08

I'm amazed how many men have a problem with this.

All my friends who have sons have small buggies and babies for their children (particularly those with siblings).

Some of the boys' buggies are pink. Some are blue or purple. None of the fathers seem to be remotely bothered or interested as a pushchair is not a "female" item as they are all out using it themselves. I thought toy buggies/babies were pretty standard for small children these days.

pictish · 08/05/2013 07:12

Show him this

It may help him with his confusion. Silly man.

RubyrooUK · 08/05/2013 07:13

Hahaha. I like that diagram though Thumbwitch.

pictish · 08/05/2013 07:13

Ohhh ha ha - I see someone got there before me! Grin

RooneyMara · 08/05/2013 07:26

Mine have had buggies to play with, baby Annabel's brother was a big hit with ds2 - it wears blue stuff if that helps your DH!

and they have a play house with a kitchen etc (well, until they filled it with sand and shot arrows through the windows)

OwlinaTree · 08/05/2013 07:59

I haven't read all of the comments but i would say go for it! All children can and should role play with dolls, it helps empathy development, and pushchairs are fun even if it's racing round the garden.

Boys play with dolls anyway, those 'action figures' like power rangers. Some of my grown up friends still paint those little models and role play with them -sad- each to their own!

OwlinaTree · 08/05/2013 07:59

sad