Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3

AIBU?

AIBU to start ttc despite being matron of honour next year?

66 replies

thecakeisalie · 07/05/2013 14:10

I posted a similar post on one of the other forums but still feeling slightly conflicted about it.

I'm going to be matron of honour for my cousin next May 31st which I'm looking forward to and appreciate the thought on her part. The problem is I'm desperately broody and can't imagine waiting all that time to start ttc our 3 dc. Considering she set the date a year ago I would feel a little selfish for causing problems over dresses if I'm pregnant or having a small baby as I will be expected to participate more than other weddings I've been to.

So aibu to start ttc but avoid trying over the months that would result in a May due date, meaning I could be fairly heavily pregnant or bf'ing a small baby at her wedding? Would you wait?

OP posts:

Report

thecakeisalie · 08/05/2013 12:28

Lol will do, I'm sure dh won't be complaining!

Only problem I have is no childcare so I suspect I'll have to take the boys with me. Not sure if the family planning clinic will refuse to do it with them there. I figure 2yr old will be in stroller and 3.5yr old is generally content to sit if I take a couple of toys and snacks with me. I figure there will be a curtain in the room so the kids won't see anything and its supposed to be a quick procedure. Relocating away from family and friends recently means I have no chance of any childcare.

I'm such a worrier, wish this kind of stuff was easier!

OP posts:

theodorakisses · 08/05/2013 12:44

I don't go to weddings, they are rarely enjoyable and always a faff. I send a nice (really nice) present instead. weddings are about the people getting married and unless parents or siblings are missing (and if they have just had or about to have a baby should be exempt) they won't really notice, they will be wrapped up in their day which will not be a disaster if you are not there. I personally think weddings can be a bit selfish and so they should be, it isn't about anyone other than them. i say that as someone who had a shit wedding because of having to invite horrid unfriendly in-laws.

thecakeisalie · 08/05/2013 12:51

I know what you mean about weddings theodorakisses. My own wedding was taken over by family wishes and if we'd had our way it would have been a registry office followed by a meal but my Mum just kept saying about how I'd regret it and ended up paying money towards the venue just so we avoided it being a registry office. The problem was it still cost us another £3k! I sometimes wonder if people forget the reason for getting married is the marriage not the wedding day!

OP posts:

icklemssunshine1 · 08/05/2013 15:15

Don't wait! My BF bought my bridesmaid's dress (size 8) & I fell pregnant soon after. My due date was her wedding day. She then went to the trouble of getti someone to make a dress to cover my "bump"! My DD then arrived 4 weeks early, I was still too big for original dress but too small for new dress. My friends then went out & bought me a pretty maternity dress to wear. She didn't care - she just wanted me there & was over the moon her God daughter was there at the wedding too! Sign of a wonderful friendship :)

specialsubject · 08/05/2013 15:38

a wedding is just a party. This one is over a year away. If you get pregnant, give the bride enough warning so money isn't spent on outfits that don't fit, and if the birth is near the wedding date give her a chance to find someone else to take over.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 08/05/2013 15:42

I have, from time to time, seen people refer to pregnant BMs or MOHs as 'selfish', but they are almost always bridezilla types. The ones who think time should stop and everyone should be as focused on their weddings as much as they are.

If my MOH has been pregnant it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. I'd have been upset if she couldn't have made it to the wedding (we've been friends our entire lives, and I have no siblings) but if the reason she couldn't make it was because she was off giving birth/ recovering, I would have just been happy for her. A wedding is a life experience but it is not THE ONLY life experience.

Good luck :)

sparkle101 · 08/05/2013 16:19

I was moh for my best friends wedding last months at 5 months pregnant. She was happy for me to do it and it caused no problems with the wedding. The only issue we had was when she went clubbing for her hen do and I couldn't do that, but we did meet earlier in the day for dinner together.

I got my dress myself which she was happy with.

badguider · 08/05/2013 16:24

If it meant a lot to me to be at the wedding then i'd stop ttc for two months at a time that would equal an EDD of around 4 weeks either side of the wedding.... but apart from that go for it!

thecakeisalie · 08/05/2013 16:28

That's what I think I'll do badguider just stop ttc aug, sept and possibly oct so I won't be due or heavily pregnant. It puts my mind at rest that way as there's no reason I can't go that way.

OP posts:

thecakeisalie · 08/05/2013 16:29

Assuming I'm not already pregnant ofc! I'm hoping I might fall in one of my next 3 cycles but who knows!

OP posts:

pinkr · 09/05/2013 07:10

Don't wait...it took me well over a year and now I'll be bm ( dress but no other duties) with a baby who should be five Weeks. Its my sisters wedding and she wouldn't have cared of I was still pregnant either as she knew how important it was to me. Good luck!

Gooseysgirl · 10/05/2013 06:12

Glad you've decided to go ahead, best if luck TTC

thecakeisalie · 10/05/2013 12:10

Thanks Gooseysgirl! Just got back from the family clinic and IUD is officially removed! I'm right at the start of a cycle too so when time of the month is over with I'll be able to catch my May cycle, feeling very excited!

pinkr - that's what I kept thinking was it could take a while to conceive and if I wait until nearer the wedding then I could end up taking a year or more to fall then I'm going to feel resentful and regret waiting. I've been lucky with my other two falling after 6 months with our first and the first month after having my coil removed with ds2 but I know it may take longer this time (can't help but hope we fall quickly again though!)

Thanks again for all the replies it really helped me see things a little clearer x

OP posts:

pinkr · 11/05/2013 13:27

When it got to the point that the wedding was ten months away we briefly considered stopping for a month or two just in case but as we were having no luck and some fertility rest results looked poor we decided to keep going...so glad as that was the month we conceived!

pinkr · 11/05/2013 13:29

Good luck with ttc this time...i'm sure you've made the right choice,

tomatoplantproject · 11/05/2013 13:32

Right choice - don't wait. Took us over 16 months with dd. she will want you as moh because she loves you, and you with a bump is still you!

Flip

1 2 3

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.