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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why the hell I was so stressed out after DC1?

59 replies

Winetime1981 · 06/05/2013 19:36

DS1 has just turned 2. DD1 was born three weeks ago. With DS1 I spent near enough two years in a constant state of anxiety and stress. Now I've had another I seriously wonder what I fussed about. She does nothing! It's bliss. I can vividly remember getting together with other new mums after DS1 and you'd think we'd all experienced living in a war torn country.

Does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
SchroSawMargeryDaw · 06/05/2013 19:38

Probably because it's all new and you're worrying if you're doing everything right the first time round.

Hopefully I find it as easy as you in a few months! :o

MamaMary · 06/05/2013 19:43

Yes I'm with you. DD1 took up all my time. It was a full-time job looking after her as a baby. She wasn't a difficult baby, but I remember it being so stressful looking after her.

She is still a full-time job as a 2.5 year old.

DD2 on the other hand? 4 months old. Eats. Gurgles. Sucks her thumb. And sleeps A LOT. In short, an absolute breeze. When I just have DD2 to look after, I seem to have loads of free time. This was never the case with DD1.

SwishSwoshSwoosh · 06/05/2013 19:48

Because it is a major adjustment having your first child? It is hard work. Just because we find things easier second or third time round doesn't mean they werent genuinely hard first time.

Being a new first time mum is hard.

Original poster
Winetime1981 · 06/05/2013 19:49

It's weird! I feel weirdly guilty that I'm not stressed (I need a life...). Two's the charm Schro, I promise! Glad it's not just me Mama. Hope my experience is like yours and it stays that way. I'm literally pinching myself I'm so happy!

OP posts:
Original poster
Winetime1981 · 06/05/2013 19:50

It is bloody hard Swish. It's a journey I'm glad I went on but also an adjustment phase that I'm really (really) glad is over. I found it so hard and have promised to be there for any first time mum friends who need help and reassurance.

OP posts:
Thumbtack · 06/05/2013 19:52

I am finding it mind blowingly hard, its such a shock to the system.
Blush I worry all the time . .

I cant help it!

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 06/05/2013 19:52

I may have to hold you to that Wine, everyone else I have spoken to has said it's bloody hard!

I guess it's when they are 1 and 3 at the same time that it might become a bit awful but I will just pretend that is never going to actually happen.

:o

Glad you are happy though, always good to be pleasantly surprised.

Wishwehadgoneabroad · 06/05/2013 19:55

Because my body had exploded, I was in pain, suffering sleep deprivation and hadn't got a bloody clue what I was doing Grin

Pretty certain number 2 will be a breeze compared to this one.

Everything was new - putting a nappy on, bathing a baby, using the car seat etc etc. Number 2 is just doing everything you already know how to do!

CreatureRetorts · 06/05/2013 19:55

Well first time around you hadn't done it before. It's a massive change.

I felt similar after I had dd - DS was my first and I was so neurotic.

However it's hard juggling two at times, especially when the second starts grabbing etc.

So YABU a bit - you'll be one of those annoying mums telling first timers how easy babies are, forgetting actually it is hard!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 06/05/2013 19:55

My second baby was - and is still aged 2 - harder work.

Just saying Grin

CognitiveOverload · 06/05/2013 19:56

I was shell shocked after my first. Affects people in different ways.

TheCrackFox · 06/05/2013 19:56

I had the same experience - I found DC1 to be a huge life changing and incredibly stressful experience. DC2 just slotted right in. Very strange.

pcbmc00 · 06/05/2013 19:57

I totally agree with you dd2 is a dream and so so so easy... what was I thinking before... I think its mother nature also convincing you to have another child!!! :)

Original poster
Winetime1981 · 06/05/2013 19:59

No no no no! Creature hereby promise I will NEVER forget how hard it was to be a first time mum. Never! I found it so hard. Like beyond hard. Me too - so neurotic. Don't get me wrong - two ain't gonna be a picnic. But it just feels so different this time. I'm enjoying her! I feel very lucky.

OP posts:
Bearcrumble · 06/05/2013 20:01

They do kind of 'wake up' after about 4 weeks though.

Original poster
Winetime1981 · 06/05/2013 20:02

Yes TheCrackFox - she's just slotted in and everything has clicked into place. It's disarming!

OP posts:
LauraPashley · 06/05/2013 20:02

Me too, no 2 was a breeze! Maternity leave with dd1 was hard, hard work, passed in a blur. With dd2 mat leave was a blissful lazy holiday, which I will always look back upon with huge fondness. Paid holiday at that! (To an extent).

ChunkyChicken · 06/05/2013 20:03

My DS is nearly 6mo & my DD is 3yo. I found it really hard this time, but not because of the physical/practical stuff. I think there was a lot of emotional stuff going on this time around, whereas with my DD, I just did what I needed to do for her, iyswim. I didn't stress or worry with her, & she was a relatively easy baby. DS is also relatively easy, but I missed time to myself when DD naps, I missed time with her 1-to-1, my DH was less supportive for a number of reasons. I think when DS was 10wks was a real low point - the adrenaline of having such a good birth, healthy baby had worn off and the exhaustion was setting in. It soon improves though & cuddling my lovely dc is the best thing in the world.

Perhaps if you find the first dc particularly tough, the second one is a walk in the park in comparison?

Original poster
Winetime1981 · 06/05/2013 20:03

Pcb - I already want another!

Bear - hmmmm....kinda worried about that bit Grin

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 06/05/2013 20:07

points and laughs<

DS1 was a text book doddle

DS2 was a colic ridden beast

DS3 was unreal in his total lack of need (autistic)

Original poster
Winetime1981 · 06/05/2013 20:07

Laura - same here! My mat leave with DS1 upsets me looking back. Total stressful blur. Quite awful if I'm being honest. This time, so far, I'm in heaven. I hope I'll also look back with fondness too as I feel I missed out on that. A friend was saying how much she loved her mat leave with her DS1 and I was really jealous thinking I must have done things all wrong Sad

Chunky - yep I found it particularly hard and had braced myself for the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
Winetime1981 · 06/05/2013 20:09

Grin colic ridden beast

OP posts:
VinegarDrinker · 06/05/2013 20:10

I am enjoying this thread hugely! (32 weeks with number 2 and in denial)

HollyBerryBush · 06/05/2013 20:13

You think I'm joking - I'm not.

trust me, I can do every over the counter paedo drug combo

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 06/05/2013 20:15

I'm liking this thread. Found dd really hard work actually she is still hard work could hardly ever get her to nap for longer than 35 minutes at a time. So any me time was spent using 10 minutes to get her to sleep and then put her down. Then 20 minutes rushing around trying to achieve something before racing back to her before the screaming started again.

Due no 2 in Nov and have no idea what the hell I'm going to do if no 2 has colic as bad as dd and is a poor sleeper.

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