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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why the hell I was so stressed out after DC1?

59 replies

Winetime1981 · 06/05/2013 19:36

DS1 has just turned 2. DD1 was born three weeks ago. With DS1 I spent near enough two years in a constant state of anxiety and stress. Now I've had another I seriously wonder what I fussed about. She does nothing! It's bliss. I can vividly remember getting together with other new mums after DS1 and you'd think we'd all experienced living in a war torn country.

Does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
OneFingerSjupesUpTheYoni · 06/05/2013 20:19

Dd1 - amazingly easy baby, no stress, no exhaustion great times had by all.

Ds - great up until 15/16 months, now a terror who drives me half batty behaviour wise and has always got something wrong with him

Dd2 - better be as easy as dd1 or is off to grannys half kidding i may give the grannys a baby each if ds doesn't settle down

Original poster
Winetime1981 · 06/05/2013 20:20

Honestly it's great! Oh and DS1 meeting DD1 for the first time: magical. Just magical. Those expecting DC2 - you're in for a treat Smile

OP posts:
CognitiveOverload · 06/05/2013 20:22

True. ..it does take them a while to wake up. First three weeks are usually quieter. ..

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 06/05/2013 20:25

I'm currently a quivering, anxiety-ridden mess (first dc aged 4 months) it's nice to know with the next I won't be.

ShowOfHands · 06/05/2013 20:26

After I had my first, I felt so altered all the time. I remember watching something on television and thinking, I should find this funny or at least engaging or something but I was numb to everything else apart from this low level hum of anxiety which sometimes increased to a high level feeling of utter panic.

Then I had a second years later and kept saying to dh in amazement 'I feel like ME'. And I couldn't believe it. Nothing changed. I felt normal and well and adjusted and calm, just with a baby.

I find having two far easier than having one. That said, I still worry about my first in a way I don't about my second.

Original poster
Winetime1981 · 06/05/2013 20:34

Oh my God ShowOfHands - are you me?! It's actually nice to hear my experience was in the realms of normal. I seriously felt I should have been committed at points. It's so blissful to have a newborn and feel 'normal'. I was really prepared to be plunged back into the anxious depths. DH thinks I've had a personality transplant. I'm the old me - and it feels fanbloodytastic!

Girl - I promise it will get better. I can say that now with some perspective Flowers

OP posts:
MamaMary · 06/05/2013 20:42

Yes, with DD2 I feel much more like 'me' and I am enjoying it SO much more. Maternity leave is just wonderful freedom and I am dreading going back to work. She is 4 months and still a dream. She naps so much longer than DD1 did - and doesn't even cry when she wakes up. I have to keep checking to see if she's awake yet.

One of the reasons it's easier this time round, for me, is that with DD2 I had a more straightforward birth. With DD1 I was on medication for high BP but with DD2 my BP was fine. So there was less stress from that point of view.

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 06/05/2013 20:45

Thank you op!

Do you think you don't feel any different after the second because we, as mothers, are just living in that state of low anxiety all the time and are just used to it?

maddening · 06/05/2013 20:51

I remember thinking "omg what have I done why on earth did I think having a baby was a good plan" at regular intervals throughout ds' first few months - it's a shock to the system.

Hoping dc2 if I get blessed with one is as easy as you say :)

Original poster
Winetime1981 · 06/05/2013 20:57

Absolutely GirlWith - and in my case living with 24/7 high anxiety...so I'm very used to it! But DD seems to have brought a certain calm. I'm not totally calm but certainly calmer.

Maddening - DD1 (DC2) wasn't planned and I spent nine months sooo worried about the prospect of two. I needn't have!

MamaMary - yep far more straightforward birth for DC2. Funny how the labour affects things eh?!

OP posts:
5madthings · 06/05/2013 21:04

I had the same experience, I now have five and its still easier than when ds1 was a baby!

Twattybollocks · 06/05/2013 21:28

After dreading the arrival of much wanted dc3, she's actually a breeze and I'm also wondering what the hell I was doing with the other two. Ds was a colic/reflux/dairy intolerance nightmare. Dd1 was tongue tied and very demanding, cried almost constantly. My nerves were frazzled. Dd2 is tongue/lip tied, also has cmpi and reflux, and also has terrible wind, wo technically she should be even more miserable than the other two, but for some reason despite all of this is the most happy, easy going, pleasant little soul. She sleeps, she feeds, she poos, she smiles, she plays for a bit, she rubs her eyes, I give her her dummy and she goes to sleep. Job done.
Some babies are just naturally more easy going than others, some are very demanding.

PoppyAmex · 06/05/2013 21:42

"After I had my first, I felt so altered all the time. I remember watching something on television and thinking, I should find this funny or at least engaging or something but I was numb to everything else apart from this low level hum of anxiety which sometimes increased to a high level feeling of utter panic."

That's a remarkable description; exactly how I felt, ShowofHands.
Now pregnant with DC2

CailinDana · 06/05/2013 22:03

It's totally the other way round for me. With ds (dc1) i had a great time. He was a shit sleeper but even that didn't bother me. He's now 2 and dd (dc2) is 10 weeks. I feel like hell. I'm horribly anxious and wound up. It sucks.

Original poster
Winetime1981 · 06/05/2013 22:09

Oh Cailin! How was labour this time?

OP posts:
NaturalBaby · 06/05/2013 22:09

I was the same. Then Ds2 started crawling, then he started talking - now he never stops talking. They used to sit together and play angelically. Now they spend most of the day grabbing, pushing, shouting, stomping, running, throwing themselves at each other - they are 3 and 4.
Oh how I miss those early weeks of having a toddler and a baby - enjoy winetime and make the most of it!!

CailinDana · 06/05/2013 22:14

Not too bad winetime - i had her at home and it was fine apart from a long pushing stage as she was back to back. She's a great baby - currently asleep and should be that way till at least 3-i think it's me that's the problem. I'm keeping a sharp eye out for pnd.

ChunkyChicken · 07/05/2013 07:05

Callin as I said above, 10wks was a real low point for me. I'd had an amazingly easy delivery at home if labour & birth are ever 'easy' , DD met DS and it was beautiful. I felt invincible. I had energy, I bonded with DS brilliantly, I didn't even have the normal 'baby blues' - you know the ones, where you cry over a John Lewis advert every single time. He was even tongue-tied but I still managed to bf.

Then things started sliding - I had to get out & about more for DD, Christmas was when he was 6/7wo, DD then DH got ill. Then I got blocked duct after blocked duct, mastitis & DH started being a bit of a cock helping out less and I just felt so stressed!! I couldn't keep on top of the housework, spend time with DD and feed DS. So I stopped worrying about the housework. :)

Things are fine now. The house is a state & I still struggle a little juggling the needs of 2 but I feel better - more like I was with DD.

So do be aware if things aren't improving or are more than just taking a little longer to settle down, speak to your HV about PND etc but in a few wks, you will prob feel better as I did.

RubyOnRails · 07/05/2013 07:14

Haha, yes!

My first only started sleeping through when I had my second, so in effect I've been sleep deprived for three years. He was unplanned too, so massive emotional upheaval all tound. Was dreading number two..Hes six weeks old, and I look and feel a million times better this time around. I felt brain damaged with tiredness, was seriously worried that there was something wrong with me. This time, it's all good, bit knackered now and again but so far....I want a third. And he's no bother. :)

CailinDana · 07/05/2013 08:14

Thanks for that chunky chicken it's very encouraging. I am really worried about depression - i've had it before and it was hell. Feel awful today but i'm hanging in there.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 07/05/2013 08:22

This thread is giving me hope!

I'm unexpectedly pregnant with DC2 and DS is only 5 months old. So shitting myself slightly at 13 month age gap

I'm clinging on particularly to the post describing a second mat keave as a lovely holiday Grin. I'm going to book mark this and read it in the middle if the night when the terror grips me!

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 07/05/2013 08:24

cailin - sorry. I didn't see your posts. I'm really sorry you're feeling like you do

No words if wisdom but Flowers

Original poster
Winetime1981 · 07/05/2013 08:29

Ruby I really shouldn't laugh as it's probably not politically correct but 'I felt brain damaged with tiredness' is a pretty apt and hilarious description. It just made me splutter out my morning tea.

OP posts:
Original poster
Winetime1981 · 07/05/2013 08:31

Congrats Gobb! 'Surprises' are the best.

I agree with the poster who said they'd never got their sleep back after DC1 - and therefore DC2 was no shock. My DS1 STILL won't sleep through - DD who is three weeks old is up less.

OP posts:
RubyOnRails · 07/05/2013 08:42

No, I seriously was worried that the birth had damaged my brain...I had nerve damage from pushing for four hours. Had no ability to even read anything remotely taxing! Looking back though, it was tiredness and shock. At the time I felt as though I'd lost any intellectual ability, I was such a zombie esp in the first few months.

Good luck to all those worrying x