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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

and PFB again, because I really don't think I was this time

56 replies

catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 16:06

DSis and I have a horse. He's retired now due to tendon issues.

DSis has recently moved in with a new partner who has a field at their house so the horse has been moved there.

She invited me to bring DS and see the horse settled in his new field.

We took DS into the field. He loved stroking the horse and was very excited. He's 17 months as I say so very mobile. He wanted to go 'down' 'down' and was wriggling when he couldn't

The horse is a gentle giant (17.2) and would not hurt DS maliciously, but he is still an animal (and a big one at that) and DS is too little to know how to behave around a horse so I was having to either hold a tantruming, 2 stone + toddler the whole time or let him down but be constantly moving him around so he wasn't getting under the horses legs.

DS then spots a flock of sheep sharing the field and runs off after them. All good but the sheep have lambs and again DS is too little to know how to behave with them. Eventually, a sheep tries to butt him amd misses his chest by a whisker. DSis think this is hilarious. I dont.

I decide I am taking DS home as he can't run around the sheep and horse (and clumps of nettles) safely and holding him whilst he tantrums and shouts 'down' is exhausting for me and frustrating for DS

DSis has a massive go at me basically saying I am being precious, making DS 'soft' and ruining the nice day frolicking in the field she had planned. She is in a total strop with me.

AIBU? I just think DS is the wrong age. Too mobile to just sit happily on a rug and look at the animals but not grown up enough to be allowed to run around with them

OP posts:
fuzzypicklehead · 05/05/2013 16:11

It's hard to say without knowing the animals. I wouldn't be over keen to have a toddler frolicking at a horse's feet in case the horse accidentally stepped on him. But both my DD's spent time amongst farm animals from around 6 months old, and those are some of their greatest memories. Especially the sheep.

pinkyredrose · 05/05/2013 16:13

Could he have watched the horse and sheep from outside the field ie. from the gate?

You are not being pfb you did the sensible thing removing him.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 05/05/2013 16:14

Your DSis is being a bit of a twat tbh - there's no way I'd want my toddler running loose around a field with a HORSE in it! That's not being pfb - it's just common sense, surely?

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 16:15

Most of the sheep were fine, but one was very aggressive (the one that butted him)

It kept coming over and really didn't like DS being there. The others didn't worry me but this one did and DS just wanted to run up to it as it kept coming over

The horse is gentle but I didn't want DS running around his legs shrieking (which is what he wanted to do)

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 16:16

We did watch from the gate for a bit after I removed him, but it's directly on a road so I had to hold DS again and he's at that age where he hates being restrained

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 05/05/2013 16:17

The horse may be gentle but animals are unpredictable. You need to keep your child safe.

saintmerryweather · 05/05/2013 16:18

Yadnbu, thats a bloody big horse and it would seriously hurt your ds if it stood on him. if he was upsetting the sheep, its best he be removed for his own safety, ewes can be very protective of their lambs. hold him for as long as you can then remove him from the field

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/05/2013 16:19

Reins. I have one like this Grin

natwebb79 · 05/05/2013 16:20

I don't think YABU at all. I struggle with my 18 month old DS at the park because his new obsession is trying to run in front of moving swings/under moving see-saws and he has MAJOR tantrums when I grab him. The thought of letting him loose amongst potentially volatile farm animals makes me shudder, haha! I think you did the right thing and she just needs to get over it. Smile

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 16:21

Thank you

Am glad I'm not being U (or even ewe)

He does have reins but I forgot to take them Blush

OP posts:
ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 05/05/2013 16:21

Not being pfb, IMO. Horse, definite no no. Easy,very easy for a horse to step on a toddler.

Sheep, however, meh. Whats the worse that could happen if you were close by ? DS gets knocked onto his bum, you pick him up.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 16:23

I was concerned he was upsetting the sheep as well things

Oh and at one point DSis said 'oh don't let him go over there...there's 2 dead sheep over there'

Hmm Confused

OP posts:
badbelinda · 05/05/2013 16:24

YANBU. Even sheep can be dangerous particularly with new lambs. Have you thought about putting him in a back-pack or off-road buggy when you go into the field- that way he's strapped in and you've got more control? Does DSis have children? I don't think many people are as sensitive to the dangers till they've got one of a similar age.

Isiolo · 05/05/2013 16:29

I don't understand. How long did DSis expect you to stay in the field???

Was there no plan or option, to go for a walk, or into your sis home/garden?

U would probably have walked dc round the duels, looking in the hedges or something. I do think going home was a bit ott if toy had planewd to spend the day together. Bur I Aldi rhino your sis is being ott, to be in a 'massive strop'

Isiolo · 05/05/2013 16:31

Jeez! Excuse my spelling!

I would have walked him round the field

And....
I also think your sis....

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 16:32

DSis doesn't have children. She doesn't get it.

She wanted us to stay in the field for a few hours Hmm

I said 'can we just take him in the garden now', which is what we did but that wasn't good enough, her partner then pointed out he had just weedkillered the lawn, so she insisted it was back in the field or nothing.

So I took the nothing.

I was there a good hour and tbh I had had enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 16:34

I should have taken his buggy or reins really, so I'll hold my hand up that I should have done that

But I had assumed we would see the horses, DS could have a stroke, then we would go back to the garden and house. I hadn't realised we had to stay in the field all day Hmm

OP posts:
HorryIsUpduffed · 05/05/2013 16:34

I don't think you were wrong. My now-2yo would have been just the same at that age and still would now but the 4yo would have coped.

Standing in a field all afternoon even if you are good with animals is boring for toddlers though.

Isiolo · 05/05/2013 16:41

She's being ridiculous then

Isiolo · 05/05/2013 16:42

And tell your BiL to stop using herbicides an' all!

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 16:46

Grin I will

Although I've only met him about 3 times. But that's a whole thread in itself Grin

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 05/05/2013 16:57

If you had your horse at a stable quite simply you wouldn't have been allowed to have your toddler running round shouting. Horse safety 101 really. Surprised your sister doesn't know that, what with her owning a horse and all.

YANBU and your sister acted like an idiot.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 17:05

He's been on a yard up until now, and that was fine as DS could stroke him over the stable door / at the gate of the field etc

This obsession with having to be in the field with him just struck me as bonkers and totally not understanding how a 17 month old behaves.

I think she thought DS would just stand nicely, holding my hand and stroking the horse, them sit down with us on the picnic blanket whilst we sat in the sun and chatted

Maybe some peoples 17 month olds are like that...........mine is not. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 17:08

Going in the field for a bit to see him would have been fine btw....it was just the requirement to stay in the field, rather than go back to the house or garden after we'd seen the horse that was just too impractical.

OP posts:
sunlightonthegrass · 05/05/2013 17:12

not having children doesn't make someone an idiot :)

I don't have children but I wouldn't let a toddler around a horse unsupervised.