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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

and PFB again, because I really don't think I was this time

56 replies

catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 16:06

DSis and I have a horse. He's retired now due to tendon issues.

DSis has recently moved in with a new partner who has a field at their house so the horse has been moved there.

She invited me to bring DS and see the horse settled in his new field.

We took DS into the field. He loved stroking the horse and was very excited. He's 17 months as I say so very mobile. He wanted to go 'down' 'down' and was wriggling when he couldn't

The horse is a gentle giant (17.2) and would not hurt DS maliciously, but he is still an animal (and a big one at that) and DS is too little to know how to behave around a horse so I was having to either hold a tantruming, 2 stone + toddler the whole time or let him down but be constantly moving him around so he wasn't getting under the horses legs.

DS then spots a flock of sheep sharing the field and runs off after them. All good but the sheep have lambs and again DS is too little to know how to behave with them. Eventually, a sheep tries to butt him amd misses his chest by a whisker. DSis think this is hilarious. I dont.

I decide I am taking DS home as he can't run around the sheep and horse (and clumps of nettles) safely and holding him whilst he tantrums and shouts 'down' is exhausting for me and frustrating for DS

DSis has a massive go at me basically saying I am being precious, making DS 'soft' and ruining the nice day frolicking in the field she had planned. She is in a total strop with me.

AIBU? I just think DS is the wrong age. Too mobile to just sit happily on a rug and look at the animals but not grown up enough to be allowed to run around with them

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 17:16

Sorry Sunlight :)

Some one asked if she had children or not.

But yes, even though she doesn't you'd think she'd realise 1 tonne, unpredictable animal + 1 tiny, squishy unpredictable toddler = bad idea :)

OP posts:
ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 05/05/2013 17:16

"I think she thought DS would just stand nicely, holding my hand and stroking the horse, them sit down with us on the picnic blanket whilst we sat in the sun and chatted"

HA.Smile I feel your pain. At that age, my toddlers would have found the two dead sheep with unerring accuracy. And things would have gone downhill fast thereafter.

Sounds like Aunty thinks of children as akin to very well trained dogs.... Grin

Floralnomad · 05/05/2013 17:19

YANBU ,but can I just ask why there are 2 dead sheep in the field?

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 17:22

She does Things Grin That's spot on

Flora I asked about the sheep. I didn't ascertain why they had died but apparantly the farmer who owns the sheep hadn't picked them up yet, although was taking them later Hmm

OP posts:
badguider · 05/05/2013 17:24

Neither of you were unreasonable. You weren't prepared (with reins) and she has no idea about young toddlers.
Don't think either of you can be blamed. Just one of those things.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/05/2013 19:01

At that age, my toddlers would have found the two dead sheep with unerring accuracy. And, a stick if I know DD. Poking a dead sheep sounds right up her alley.

Some people do have toddlers who sit and stand nicely. DD is not one of those and I couldn't have been in a field for hours with her and animals for hours. I would not cope...

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/05/2013 19:01

Repeat for 'for hours' shows how the thought of it is making me twitchy. Grin

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 19:03

Some people do have toddlers who sit and stand nicely

Where do you get those ones from? We must have gone to the 'more destructive than Godzilla, more energy than the Duracell bunny on speed' place Grin

OP posts:
littleballerina · 05/05/2013 19:05

not pfb in the slightest!

jacks365 · 05/05/2013 19:36

My dd4 who is 18 months is a pretty good toddler but she couldn't have coped with just standing around or sitting on a rug, fields are for running around in. Sounds like sis really didn't realise and i doubt reins would have made much difference ds would probably still have objected. Bus should be more understanding.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 19:40

She also got annoyed when he wouldn't say 'please'

He can't say 'please' yet. He can say 'fank oo' and lots of other things, but not 'please'. She felt he was being rude Hmm

Can you tell the day was a succes? Grin

OP posts:
Chottie · 05/05/2013 19:45

Please show your DSis this thread and all the replies. You are talking about your child. You did the right thing.

TwinkleTits · 05/05/2013 19:48

catgirl you know YANBU.

I hate it when you (plural) have to ask others if YABU when you know you havent been, because someone has made you feel that way.

You are definitely not BU.

And with a child a very similar age, I feel your pain. We know it doesnt last long, but when it does, why make life harder?

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 19:57

Thanks :) Thanks

I really didn't think I was BU, but DSis was so arsey I started to wonder.

Another friend turned up later with a baby and they sat in the field and I could see DSis thinking...'look this baby can do it' not realising that a baby isn't mobile so of course it can!

If DS was a baby who could sit in his pram or on a rug, fine. If he was older and had some common sense around animals and could understand 'don't go near the horses legs', fine'. But he's at the age of maximum mobility and minimal understanding / self restraint

I will ring her later and smooth the waters but I am not going to back down on the fact that a toddler is not safe to be running around with a loose horse.

OP posts:
Mumonahill · 05/05/2013 20:23

Having been butted in the past by our neighbours' ancient, infirm sheep so hard I literally flew off my feet I would not trust sheep around toddlers either, they could inflict some serious damage. The sheep that attacked me was so lame it could hardly walk but it put some serious force into pushing me over.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 20:29

Thanks Mum

DSis was very dismissive (thought it was hysterical) but I think, had the sheep caught him, it could have really hurt him. It was a largeish sheep and was protecting its lamb.

I know people think sheep are fluffy and thick (they are thick) but I reckon it weighed about 8 stone or so.

I was more bothered about my horse kicking him or treading on him either accidentaly or because DS spooked him by shrieking or running around, but I wasn't massively keen on the protective sheep either.

I'm not scared around animals. I've had horses all my life, my happiest memories are from the farm holidays we used to go to in Wales, playing with sheep and cows etc.

I just think 17 months is too young to respect animals and both a toddler and an animal are unpredictable and therefore are a really bad mix.

OP posts:
Bobyan · 05/05/2013 20:35

You need to make your ds's next words "fuck you" Grin

Your sister sounds nuts!

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 20:43
Grin

I am soooooooooooo tempted Bobyan Grin

OP posts:
Booboostoo · 05/05/2013 21:57

What a weird thing for your DSis to want you to do with a toddler!!! I have 3 horses and a pony as well as a 2 year old and DD is never allowed in the field with the horses. She can stroke the horses (not all of them, one is loopy) over the stable door and that's it for the moment. A toddler is exceptionally vulnerable around a horse, even the calmest horse can step on a toddler or knee her in the face or knock her over just by moving his head.

You were right to be concerned about the sheep as well.

dietcokeandwine · 05/05/2013 22:09

Your DSis sounds a bit bonkers tbh.

Ok, so you could have planned a bit better (brought buggy/reins etc) but her plans for the day were still completely unrealistic. Even for older children. My older two are 8 and 3, and the activities you describe would have kept them entertained for all of ten minutes. And I don't think any child could be considered safe running around with a loose horse, unless they had been brought up around horses and knew what to do and what not to do. Even then - both children and animals are unpredictable, and it would have just been too much of a risk.

As for your Dsis being annoyed because your 17mo didn't say please Confused, I mean FGS. That in itself just sums up her attitude. She'd have been appalled at DS1 - at 17m, his only word was 'tree' Grin

dietcokeandwine · 05/05/2013 22:09

And YANBU. Or PFB. Or anything other than sensible

HerrenaHandbasket · 05/05/2013 22:16

Your DSis is BU, you definitely aren't. You were very sensible and she clearly does not have reasonable expectations when it comes to dealing with small mobile children.

I have a 22mo DS and in the situation you describe, he would have gone MENTAL if restrained by reins or imprisoned in his pram. So having those might not have saved the day Grin

I do enjoy DS2's current lack of mobility.... glances nervously at DS2 attempting to crawl

HerrenaHandbasket · 05/05/2013 22:19

And PLEASE don't smooth the bloody waters, you didn't do a thing wrong!

If you must say something, then try to phrase it as 'It's a shame xxx happened today. I think that DS is simply too young to be able to interact safely with big animals yet.' DO NOT APOLOGISE, you did nothing wrong.

Can you tell I'm a bit sensitive when it comes to being made to feel guilty for no reason? Wink

Twattybollocks · 05/05/2013 22:23

Yanbu, toddlers have the survival instincts of a lemming. Not a good thing with a horse that size, I also have that model and won't even let my 6yo and 8yo any further back than his shoulder, reason being that he does move his bum round when he wants to look at something and he's a bit thick so generally doesn't register obstacles until he has flattened them. He's managed to not notice me before now and I'm 6ft tall!

Tigresswoods · 05/05/2013 22:26

Until you've had a ridiculously active toddler you won't understand. Your DSis IBU

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