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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why everyone is a sex offender....

123 replies

gabbymum · 04/05/2013 19:24

Every day in the papers there seems to be a new one. Most of them seem to relate to events that happened years ago. What is going on?

OP posts:

phantomnamechanger · 04/05/2013 19:28

what is going on is that these things are finally being listened to and taken seriously

WhatKindofFool · 04/05/2013 20:17

It is sickening how many of them there are. The world seems to be full of them. Sadly, I met a few when I was a child.

Original poster

gabbymum · 04/05/2013 20:22

It's just been on the news about a Tory MP arrested for rape and sex assault. I'm very shocked at the sheer volume of these occurances at the moment.

OP posts:

AuntieStella · 04/05/2013 20:26

The arrest of Nigel Evans MP is not based on investigation of historic allegations. The offences were in the last 4 years and concern men in their 20s.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 04/05/2013 20:56

There has been a sea-change in the way rape and sexual assault is viewed. Traditionally, women were automatically disbelieved and had to go to lengths to prove themselves, and almost inevitably failed to do this. Women were also seen as 'asking for it' by dress and action and so were to blame for their own assault.

Now, there is a far better understading that one's body is one's own and other people are not allowed to use it without its owner's consent. That women can do and wear what they like and this still doesn't give other people any particular rights or entitlements over their bodies. That consent can be withdrawn at any point and that once it is withdrawn, that is rape.

So, women who were raped and/or sexually assaulted in the past and who didn't do anything about it due to the prevailing views at the time are finally able to try to seek some justice. These will be women who have lived with what happened to them for many years in some cases, unable to deal with it and properly put it in the past, and who may have blamed themselves for what happened.

SoleSource · 04/05/2013 21:19

Stuart Hall! :(;(:(

Poor kids

HollyBerryBush · 04/05/2013 21:48

Times change, laws change, acceptance of behaviour changes.

HollyBerryBush · 04/05/2013 21:49

to wonder why everyone is a sex offender?

Although your title does make me ask - who have you sexually offended lately?

Because I haven't been convicted of a sex crime.

LastMangoInParis · 04/05/2013 21:53

what is going on is that these things are finally being listened to and taken seriously

Exactly.

The effect of that seems to have blown reality right apart for a lot of people who were lucky enough not to have been sexually assaulted when they were very young.

Scruffey · 04/05/2013 22:03

People didn't report as they did not think they would be believed in many cases. This is changing now.

Types of assault like groping were so common that people just thought of the perpetrators as dirty old men rather than abusers so again didn't report.

I hope that all these abusers are quaking in their boots now waiting for their victims to report them.

b4bunnies · 04/05/2013 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Kleptronic · 04/05/2013 22:13

b4bunnies what are you trying to say exactly?

LastMangoInParis · 04/05/2013 22:14

the girl and her mother were both 'asking' for it.

No, b4bunnies, they were not 'asking for it'. Being needy, wanting attention, having a naïve belief in people's trustworthiness, being star struck... None of these things are 'asking for it'.

HollyBerryBush · 04/05/2013 22:17

acceptance of behaviour changes

I certainly wouldn't put up with some behaviour today, I experienced as a teenage girl. In saying that, I am able to put that experience firmly back in the 1980's and not dwell upon it.

nooka · 04/05/2013 22:19

And that's just the sort of attitude that meant sexual offenses were brushed under the carpet in the past. Just like the 'she made me do it' line that used to be a common defense for domestic abuse.

b4bunnies · 04/05/2013 22:19

No, b4bunnies, they were not 'asking for it'. Being needy, wanting attention, having a naïve belief in people's trustworthiness, being star struck... None of these things are 'asking for it'.
yes, they were. maybe not abuse, but sexual contact was part of their plan.

LastMangoInParis · 04/05/2013 22:21

The 'times change' assumption worries me a bit, actually.
It seems to be a way of assuming that 'these things just don't happen anymore'. Similar to the way that people used to assume that 'these things don't happen to people we know'.
It seems like a way for people to persuade themselves that everything's fine now, no need to worry, yada, yada...
Very similar to how people thought in the 70s and 80s, in fact. Especially around the naice, 'respectable' men who were assaulting these young people.

nooka · 04/05/2013 22:22

If we are talking about a school child, then so what? A child/teen can 'ask' all they like, but that doesn't mean it is in any way shape or mean acceptable for an adult to take advantage of them.

Even if someone throws themselves at you you are not obliged to have sex/sexual contact with them regardless of your minor celebrity status.

LastMangoInParis · 04/05/2013 22:24

sexual contact was part of their plan.

Part of a child's 'plan'?

I think you might have got that wrong, b4bunnies.
In fact, I know you've got that very badly wrong.

JennyMackerz · 04/05/2013 22:25

NYANBU

I was thinking this recently. I want, need to believe that these things are rare, that men who feel entitled to sexually assault and or rape your girls are rare and nwo I don't know

SpanishFly · 04/05/2013 22:28

b4bunnies how the actual fuck would you know what was their plan?

What a ridiculous and insulting and vile thing to say - they were needy and wanted attention therefore the child asked to be sexually abused??

Kleptronic · 04/05/2013 22:29

b4bunnies ah I see, that's what you meant. Well I disagree with what you said. Children cannot consent to sex. You have put forward one of the 'arguments' paedophiles use to justify their crimes. Well done you.

MonkeyingAroundTown · 04/05/2013 22:29

I am with you gabby. I am astounded by all these celebs who are coming out of the woodwork.

Is it something that was "no big deal" back then. Is that why so many were doing it?

I don't know about anyone else but I find myself wondering who else, who used to do childrens shows, (ones which I used to watch growing up) is going to be next to be accused of sexual harassment.

Why is it all men too?

b4bunnies · 04/05/2013 22:58

it was about attitude to women. men's attitudes, and women's attitudes. women planning to 'catch' men by using sex. men thinking that if it was offered they could take it.

LastMangoInParis · 04/05/2013 23:06

it was about attitude to women. men's attitudes, and women's attitudes. women planning to 'catch' men by using sex. men thinking that if it was offered they could take it.

Right, b4bunnies.
None of that need involve sexually assaulting children, though, you see.
And if it was offered is kind of operative, isn't it?
The thing is, you see, b4bunnies, children cannot 'offer' sexual activity to an adult.
Can you understand that? You seem rather confused.

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