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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why everyone is a sex offender....

123 replies

gabbymum · 04/05/2013 19:24

Every day in the papers there seems to be a new one. Most of them seem to relate to events that happened years ago. What is going on?

OP posts:
LastMangoInParis · 06/05/2013 12:52

girls who thought they were 'winning' in the system, the ones who got the attention, took advantage of that. you can make whatever comments you like, that's how it was and shouting about it now won't change it.

b4bunnies, you sound as if you resent and envy these girls/women, apparently because, as you saw it, they were the centre of attention then. And now, as you seem to see it, they're the centre of attention again, and therefore you're annoyed.
Is that what it is?
Is it that you think these women have been granted attention that you would have liked back then (you didn't know what was really going on), and would still like now, but you feel that others are stealing your limelight?

KoreRenati · 06/05/2013 12:58

"it genuinely was different for girls in the 1970s"

So in the 70's underage kids weren't actually underage? Or was the age of consent different back then? (Hint: Set at 16 in 1885)

LunaticFringe · 06/05/2013 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Acandlelitshadow · 06/05/2013 14:14

Fourteen plus?

So not primary age yet looking for a husband at all then? Confused

If you're going to post offensive shite then defend it, surely the least you can do is keep up with your own story.

gordyslovesheep · 06/05/2013 14:19

I was a 'girl' in the 70's b4bunnies - I think you are talking boswellox

zippey · 06/05/2013 14:46

Setting aside the ridiculous comments from bunnies, there have only been two proven cases that i can think of, Jim Saville and Stuart Hall. The rest is all up in the air and the people involved should not be regarded as guilty, yet.

Im not sure things were very different decades ago but if attitudes were different I wonder if a truth, confession and reconciliation style may be the way forward where celebrities who wish to confess can do so, maybe even escaping prosecution.

I got the feeling Bill Roach was approaching this in interviews he did just before the allegations, though what he said was more to justify rather than apologise.

SpanishFly · 06/05/2013 14:52

Agreed re Bill Roach - seemed like damage limitation

YoniBottsBumgina · 06/05/2013 19:12

Right Holly, but I don't think that today, the man from number 55 would be merrily living there if he was well known as a flasher, because that kind of thing is also taken more seriously now. And also I think most children would be happy with an explanation of "because he's a bad man who might hurt you." I don't think there's any need to go into details of what exactly might happen.

I'm glad this kind of thing is coming into the public consciousness.

HollyBerryBush · 06/05/2013 19:17

but I don't think that today, the man from number 55 would be merrily living there if he was well known as a flasher, because that kind of thing is also taken more seriously now

yoni so he owned his own house, how would YOU force him to move? Where would you house him?

Please don't project today onto yesteryear - I though I gave a rational post explaining past and present.

I'd lay money on if we all had access to convictions records none of us would be more than 100 yards from someone we wouldn't want to be living within a100 miles of.

Madamecastafiore · 06/05/2013 19:22

Those girls may have been chasing fame and affection but did not have the capacity to agree to what was done to them as they did not understand why it was happening or the ramifications because they were children! That is why it is against the law.

By your shitty logic b4bunnies, every groupie out there deserves being used and abused by these monsters.

YoniBottsBumgina · 06/05/2013 19:34

In a prison? Confused Okay, I admit I don't know what police protocol is for flashing etc but I'm always hearing on here that the police take it very seriously as offenders usually go on to rape if not prevented.

I suppose my point is that it's less to do with talking about sex and more to do with the fact we don't have as close knit communities any more.

YoniBottsBumgina · 06/05/2013 19:39

Sorry, it takes me so long to type on my phone that I forget my point. The reason i was comparing is because I can't imagine a situation today where I would have to tell my children to avoid a particular house because things are so different now.

HollyBerryBush · 06/05/2013 19:39

You still can't force a house sale.

And a known flasher isn't the same as a convicted one.

The reason my hysterical NDN didn't press charges was because she was too nice he agreed to therapy - and I'm not too up on the details of that, it was so long ago.

I might have snarled at you, I am sorry, I thought you were digging me out when I thought I'd been very balanced in my posts . I realise you weren't at all (digging me out).

waltermittymissus · 06/05/2013 19:39

Why was my post deleted?!

nooka · 07/05/2013 05:08

Both my big sisters were flashed at (as girls/teens in the 70s). When they came home upset and told my mother she told them not to be so silly about it and that 'that's just what some men did'. Certainly no suggestion of telling the police or any other authority. So when I was sexually assaulted myself at 12 or so I didn't tell her at all. I think that there was plenty of bad stuff happening, it just went underground and has stayed there for a long long time.

For those with celebrity status I expect they felt powerful and above reproach and those they abused felt too small and powerless to do anything about it, and if they did tell anyone they were probably told not to be silly and that it was probably their own fault.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/05/2013 05:39

Jimmy Tarbuck has been arrested too.

Sorry for what happened to you nooka.

Lazyjaney · 07/05/2013 07:36

I do worry that this is starting to turn into a bit of a frenzy though. It will be very bad news if some accusations are spurious, as it will push advances of the last few years way back again.

DollyTwat · 07/05/2013 07:43

Lots of people are being arrested, not all of them famous though. You don't get to hear about those for that reason.

Have you seen the Mary Moss files? It's a list of VERY famous people who visited Elm guest house? The police, politicians etc were all in on it. I think it's where the famous people went so they had protection

fluffyraggies · 07/05/2013 07:53

My childhood spanned the 70s to 80s.

I was flashed at 3 or 4 times in local parks aged between about 7 to 10. I would tell my mum, i was told to cycle away from 'funny men'. No police.

While i was at primary school a friend of mine was abused on the top deck of a bus. A man made her hold his penis. We were told to stay off the top deck. No police.

From 12 upwards i would use the London Underground to get about and would regularly get touched/felt/rubbed against when it was crowded. I couldn't get away so used to just bite my lip and keep quiet till i got to my stop.

As a teenager other things happened which i 'put behind me' as that was what i'd learned was the way to deal with it. It has coloured my life and my attitude to myself. My self worth. Best not to make a fuss.

I have 3 DDs. I told them from the day they were old enough to be out of my sight that if something happened to them that they didn't like, or that someone touched them etc. etc., or they were worried about someone they were to scream/shout/leave/tell me straight way and get the hell away. To hell with worrying about being polite, or causing a scene. To my knowledge they have managed to get to their teens and early 20s without being a victim to any abuse. Thank God.

Thank God times have changed. Thank God this is not swept under the carpet anymore.

evilartsgraduate · 07/05/2013 07:57

It won't be all men who did it (viz the childcare scandal a couple of years back), but men are disproportionately likely to be celebrities/in positions of power, especially historically. Also, although Men's Rights Activitists like to pretend differently, the skew is heavily in the direction of that gender whether the perp is famous or not.

cory · 07/05/2013 09:30

Another point about life in the 60s and 70s is that it would be more difficult for young children to report abuse because they didn't have the vocabulary. They might have felt uncomfortable about certain things but having never heard anyone talk about what was ok and what wasn't, never having heard anyone talk about sex or touching at all apart from sniggers in the playground, it could be very difficult to understand, let alone to verbalise, that the way the TV star or the headteacher touched you that made you so uncomfortable was actually sexual. As for knowing it was illegal and that you could tell the police, we knew nothing of the sort. I had a friend who found she had very nearly consented to sex with a close relative because she didn't know what those words meant. That would be almost unthinkable of a 9yo today. But it happened back then.

As for knowing who the weird ones were, that knowledge could protect against abusers, certainly. Or be used against perfectly harmless and decent people with Tourette's syndrom, cerebral palsy or Downs Syndrome. When I was a child, everyone who was different was perceived as slightly scary. A somewhat blunt instrument.

I prefer the openness of today.

boschy · 07/05/2013 10:03

I was thinking about this this morning. I think there must be a kind of breakpoint in celebrity, where these men reach the point that they believe in themselves so much, that they can do what they want just because they are so famous. Meanwhile they are surrounded by yes men, and they're in such a bubble that they think nothing can touch them.

Back then, when there were fewer 'celebrities' their power was probably much greater. And perhaps there was an element inside them that made them seek out the fame and the power in order to carry out the abuse.

I also think that the perceptions WERE different - people believed in 'good' and 'bad' girls, they believed in women as commodities, certainly in celebrity-land.

I also wonder if for some of those who abused boys there was an aspect about the unacceptability of homosexuality? I am NOT for a minute saying that homosexuality = child abuser, of course, but perhaps the inability to be openly and happily gay caused some to take out their frustrations like that.

LouiseSmith · 07/05/2013 10:50

WOW!! I am actually shocked by what I have read B4bunnies.

In all honesty it sounds as though you had a dislike for the girl, which you have taken with you into adulthood. The girl was abused, weather she offered it on a plate or not was irrelevant. Even if her clothes weren't leaving much to the imagination, she was a CHILD! She did not deserve to be abused.

That's all im saying on the matter for fear of developing potty mouth!

MonkeyingAroundTown · 07/05/2013 12:52

Jimmy tarbuck now! sexual allegations on a young boy

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 07/05/2013 22:48

B4Bunnies' views are basically the prevailing views of that era - is it any wonder that people didn't bother to try to prosecute, or assumed no-one would believe them?

It takes a good generation for these sorts of attitudes to shift, so there's no hope that B4 will be swayed by this thread. She(?) believes she's right and can't - or won't - see why people are so appalled by her thoughts.