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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate being that mother

42 replies

McNewPants2013 · 02/05/2013 20:30

when ever we are out my DC do not listen and i end up shouting.

I can see people staring a tutting, and i feel like a faliure. I tend to think that DH should divorce me and find another women as i know she will do a better job than me.

I have been on parenting course ( on my own accord) and i do put them on the thinking spot and do reward ect for good behaviour but no matter what i do they never listen to me.

On top of this my DD almost 4 just crys and crys, spoken to the HV and she seems to think there isnt anything wrong with her and she is doing it for attention.

OP posts:
Snazzynewyear · 02/05/2013 20:33

This happens to me too. How many dc have you got?

Original poster
McNewPants2013 · 02/05/2013 20:35

2

OP posts:
grumpyinthemorning · 02/05/2013 20:45

Screw what randoms in the street think, they're not the ones raising your dc.

I got told off Shock for dragging my ds by his arm when he refused to walk. He's too big for me to carry now, but she said I should bribe him with sweets instead. Like I'm about to give in to the whims of a three year old! I was being careful not to hurt him, but he had to move.

Do what works for you, forget the rest of the world.

catgirl1976 · 02/05/2013 20:49

I think we all take it in turns to be that mother

Happens to us all at some point

People who tut are just not worth worrying about :)

You are not a failure. A failure wouldn't bother going on a parenting course of their own accord. Only a bloody great mother would do that Thanks

Snazzynewyear · 02/05/2013 20:50

Agree, ignore tuts and stares. Some people just enjoy feeling superior! And most of us worry that we aren't doing a good parenting job at least sometimes.

What cheers up your DD when she's crying? Does attention make a difference?

Original poster
McNewPants2013 · 02/05/2013 20:50

I do try and ignore people.

when i go to the park or anywhere all the other kids seem to play nice and the parents look so relaxed and enjoying the day. Where i feel stressed and tired

OP posts:
Original poster
McNewPants2013 · 02/05/2013 20:52

Distraction usually works or reading her a story.

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 02/05/2013 20:52

Ha

If you had seen me trying to wrestle a tantruming toddler into a pushchair whilst crying and offering ice cream in alternate breathes the other day at the park, you might not feel so alone

And I only have 1. You have 2 so you are twice as good as me at this parenting lark.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 02/05/2013 21:55

OP, I sympathise. Have a Brew and Flowers.

I do think some people are better at parenting than others. I was recently gobsmacked by another mum who calmly mollycoddled her DD into leaving our house after a playdate. I have to learn with books as I get so frustrated when my DCs do not listen. It does not come naturally to me. I do recommend How to talk to kids. I am also reading through 1,2,3 Magic and it seems very good.

mrsjay · 02/05/2013 21:57

We have all been that mother at some point we all shout and those who say they never get even the tiniest bit annoyed at their children are more than likely fibbing, you sound sad lovey I am sure you are a great mum and wife

mrsjay · 02/05/2013 21:58

I know 1 is 4 how old is the other one ?

bollockstoit · 02/05/2013 22:04

It's hard isn't it? On a good day I can really manage ds's behaviour well, and manage to get him to listen while maintaining a sense of humour and enjoying his company. On a bad day, I've ended up shouting "just bloody LISTEN" and smacking him on the bottom Blush

BlackeyedSusan · 02/05/2013 22:06

looks can be deceiving, don't forget, they only look unstressed and not tired.

consistency seems to work for us... but it has taken long while to get to the point where it does work, more often than not. (note not everytime) and there have been occasions where i have carrried ds out kicking and scrreaming and trying to bite my hand. (terrible twos and asd combined)

bollockstoit · 02/05/2013 22:07

I have found though that the times when I have become overly annoyed with him and behaved in a shitty way towards him, if I analyse what I was thinking at the time, I have been worried about what other people were thinking. I try now to just block other people out and behave as if it's just me and ds. This makes me much calmer.

Minshu · 02/05/2013 22:15

Some days I look like one of those relaxed, care-free mothers with a well-behaved child. Other days, I am that frazzled shouty mum with the unruly brat. Actually, we go through that cycle several times in a day...

Some of the looks you are getting are sympathy / empathy, but you probably won't interpret them that way when you are stressed.

What I'm trying to say is that you are probably focussing too much on the negative comparisons. We all can only do our best, and that's just what you are doing.

TheSecondComing · 02/05/2013 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fairylightsinthespring · 02/05/2013 22:25

echoing what everyone else has said. Yesterday, after a lovely two hours at the park, my two, reasonably enough, didn't want to leave. they weren't awful but I did have to frog-march them, being held firmly by the wrist with occasional lifting when they went all weak knee'd. I imagine there may have been some eyebrows raised somewhere but ulitmately, if you'd tried reason, bribes etc then you have to do just DO something. I tend to actually deal with them better if I am out. I yelled at DS tonight at home when he just would not do as he was told and refrain from something, in a way that I probably wouldn't have in public. OP, I think anyone tutting is either a) not yet a mother of anyone above 6m or b) too old to remember what it is ACTUALLY like.

Original poster
McNewPants2013 · 02/05/2013 22:40

my other child is 7 and has ASD, so every day trip or outing is well prepared for.

thanks to the reasurrance i am not the mother from hell.

Why is parenting so hard

OP posts:
Kerryblue · 02/05/2013 22:42

I can totally, totally sympathise!

I have four dc, numbers 1 & 2 - a doddle.

Then came 3 & 4 - twins. One is now - just about - getting the behaviour thing. More often than not she won't argue the toss about absolutely everything, comes when told to etc etc. Not always, but is so much better than even 6 months ago (they are 5 and a bit and in reception).

The other one - well bloody hell, she drives me mad and I am that mother! Shouty and irritable and often feeling out of control of parenting!

However......... I have recently (and I mean only during the last two weeks) implemented a new plan. Now this child loves sweets. I know all kids do, but she is slightly obsessed with them. So, on Monday, I buy them both a packet of sweets - this week jellybeans. And then, every time they misbehave, argue back at me, have a silly strop, don't come when asked to etc etc - I EAT ONE!!!

Oh the power! God I love it!

Then on Saturday afternoon, they get to eat what's left.

And I must say, it seems to be working. I don't feel quite as shouty as before. I do not reward good behviour as such - tried that - failed dismally. Instead, I eat a jellybean when they misbehave!!

So, it's up to them how many sweets they get at the end of the week.

Try it and see...

catgirl1976 · 02/05/2013 22:48

Why is parenting so hard

Because it matters so very, very much to us.

And that it does, that it is hard, proves you are a bloody great parent. Because you care and it matters.

Give yourself a break x

Kerryblue · 02/05/2013 22:50

Wise words cat girl.

Original poster
McNewPants2013 · 02/05/2013 22:51

i guess i do need to give myself a break.

OP posts:
HomeEcoGnomist · 02/05/2013 22:51

I like your style Kerry!
Although if I did that with my 2, I'd be the size of a house and have no teeth left Shock

I am shouty quite a lot of the time, DS2 really knows how to push my buttons. I totally ignore what anyone else may think and agree with PP that the tutters don't have their own kids or are looking back through some very thick rose tinted spectacles like my mum, who would have you believe she was Mary frigging Poppins

willyoulistentome · 02/05/2013 22:53

Kerry. That's fucking genius!!!! Im starting tomorrow.

calmlychaotic · 02/05/2013 22:56

Kids don't listen! Well most of the time they don't, if you offer them a chocolate biscuit their hearing miraculously retrns.the vast majority of parents end up shouting, you are not a failure, please don't think that. And don't forget when you think people are staring and tutting at you I'll bet you most of the time they are looking over in sympathy and thinking thank god its not just my kids that do that.

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