to hate being that mother

[McNewPants2013]

when ever we are out my DC do not listen and i end up shouting.

I can see people staring a tutting, and i feel like a faliure. I tend to think that DH should divorce me and find another women as i know she will do a better job than me.

I have been on parenting course ( on my own accord) and i do put them on the thinking spot and do reward ect for good behaviour but no matter what i do they never listen to me.

On top of this my DD almost 4 just crys and crys, spoken to the HV and she seems to think there isnt anything wrong with her and she is doing it for attention.

The other day a friend of mine told me that I'm always such a calm and chilled out mum who looks like I'd never lose my temper with my DS (4).

AHA HAHA HAHA HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! That really did tickle me!!

We've all been that mum. Of course we have. We never want to end up shouting at our kids but as much as we love them, they are the most infuriating creatures! But I hate the way I feel when I shout at my DS...out of control. It's like I'm having a tantrum cos they won't bl**dy listen!

I really recommend the book 1, 2, 3 Magic. It's a very simple concept of counting misbehaviour and if he gets to 3 he has a privilege taken away or some kind of consequence. It sounds very obvious but the key is to stay calm. It really works with my DS...yes we have our bad days but generally his behaviour has been a lot better since I started with this book.

If only you'd seen me in House of Fraser a few weeks ago!!

DS2 who's 3 wouldn't walk, he wouldn't move, he wouldn't do anything but lie in the doorway of the shop screaming at the top of his lungs. !

This was the icing On the cupcake of that days temper tantrum so by the time we got to the shops I was frazzled, stressed & on the verge of tears.

So I walked away from him. I kept an eye on him (didn't let him see I was watching him) and he eventually followed me. As soon as he reached me he threw himself on the floor again screaming and sobbing. So I kept walking, again he got up and chased me still screaming! You should've seen the looks I was getting!!

But eventually, when he realised I wasn't giving in to him, he finally gave in and I felt a little hand get pushed into mine and a wee voice said sorry.

I was actually crying by this point tho. And do you know what made me cry? A woman who looked over at me sympathetically. Her silent understanding tipped me over the edge.

We've all been there don't let anybody make you feel bad for parenting your child.

PS he started screaming just mere minutes later when I dared to take him into a children's shoe shop!

I was that mum today

Today was just crap... Tomorrow will be better

Kerry- A variant on your technique is to give each child a roll of quarters or UK equivalent before a long trip. Each time a child starts to argue or whine, ask for a coin. The child or children get to spend the remaining coins at the end of the trip. You could do this over a week with over eights or so.
I have Asperger's, but my mother expected and mostly got good behavior in public. Even my father knows Mother is in charge;-)

I have always found 4 a really difficult age. Ds1 has ADHD and had his worst meltdowns at 4, things improved once he turned 5. Ds2 had speech problems and delayed development - definitely on the spectrum, although not diagnosed at present. He was really stroppy and difficult at 4. Ds3, no excuses, also hardest work at 4 so things may get easier soon!

I find parenting ds3 so much easier than ds's 1&2 which may be because of their other problems or because there were two of them and just one of him but I think it has more to do with my confidence as a parent. I look at the older two, now 17 and 15, and think, despite difficulties, they have turned out fine so I must have done something right. Believe in your self, be confident in your parenting. No one knows your children better than you so ignore the tuts and looks and carry on.

I think the eating of the jellybean tactic is awful. One day when I was about 5, I had the mother of all paddies in the shop and my Mum stood with me at the bustop and ate EVERY one of the sweets she'd bought for me.

I was horrified. NOt at the loss of the sweets as much at her callousness...it was so unlike her. I guess she was trying to teach me a lesson but I've never forgotten that. I was and hurt more than vowing to behave.

I'm often that mother (LP / work part-time / shattered).

Sometimes I forget I've tired doing everything the nice wayand think I go straight to shouting, but generally I speak calmly, at their level.....and am ingored repeatedly. So I shout.

There is a mother who lives near me (I see her often, she smiles) and she was walking down the road with a baby and approx 3yo. The 3yo walked a little too close to the road and she said sweetly "don't do that that darling come away from the road please". And the child did what she was asked . She didn't have to shout, the child did it.

Now, I started my parenting 'career'asking like that but it got me nowhere. If my dc's think I am trying to get them to do anything then will do the opposite regardless of what it is. It's quite draining.

kerry I need to try your method but with nerf gun bulletts / moshi monsters.

Gosh, sorry about the typo's. I didn't have my first cup of tea in me yet!

Arf at 'bribe with sweets' When my 3 year old is that way out, nothing will bribe him to comply.

I love it Kerry, unfortuanately I LOVE jelly beans and would just eat them anyway and my DCs would be left thinking they were really badly behaved when they had actually been pretty good

OP, I have 5 DCs and my parenting has either changed dramatically over 20 years or my children were naturally different or a combination of both. I used to shout at and smack my eldest (he is now 20), when I had my "middle" 3 (all close together, within 2.5 years) I found that I had to keep calm or I would totally lose the plot. I leaned to bring the tone of my voice down and rarely shouted at any of them. My youngest is the easiest of all. At 4yo, I can't remember raising my voice to her and she is the most docile and well behaved child I could imagine. TBH, that might be a natural thing or it might be down to my parenting "skills" developing. I like to think it's down to me

Oh god, I've had my barneys with my 3 year old, when running away from me on a busy street whilst I'm frantically trying to keep up with a buggy.
I have on occasion, had to brake the buggy,and frogmarch him back, I once had to grab him by his hood (not proud of that one but I had to grab him) and give him a good telling off and I have a loud voice!.

As soon as you become a mother you can't win, had I been too soft I'd be considered negligent in those circumstances, the fact of the matter is I am his mother,I have to stop him running into the road,hurting himself, just me, only me so the rest can so off, you need to stop caring what the world thinks, I know how hard that is.

The other week DS (2.4) was tantrumming in Tesco (I wouldn't let him walk as it was very busy and he runs away). He has a habit of head butting things when in a temper. I was worried about him hurting himself on the trolley so we told him that he had one more chance to behave or he would go back to the car with DH and wouldn't get his usual penny to put in the spinny coin charity thing.

He carried on screaming so DH lifted him out and carried him bodily out of the shop whilst I carried on with the shopping.

I could still hear him across the store.

I was getting all sorts of looks from people. One woman was muttering to her partner about me. Another woman came over and I thought "oh no, I'm going to get told off". I am 20 weeks pregnant and have SPD so I was already in pain and feeling on the edge of tears.

This woman came over, put her hand on my arm and said "Don't worry, you are doing a brilliant job. They are a pain in the bum at that age. Just keep on being firm and he'll get the idea"

I could have hugged her! I did burst into tears!

All of us have days when we feel like this. You have a lot to cope with two children and one of them with ASD.

Have you looked at the SN forum for advice?

How do you feel in yourself? Are you happy with your life?

meglet as long as you don't EAT the moshi monsters.

McNew having a child with asd is HARD. Stop stressing yourself, really. My boy has taken to screaming that I'm hurting him when really I am loosely holding his wrist to keep him from running into traffic. The amount of dead stares I get from strangers is unreal. I smile sweetly at tutters and ask if they would like to deal with my disabled child themselves since I am clearly such an awful parent. I have more than once had people come up to me in the street telling me I need to learn to control my kids.

You need rhino skin when you have a difficult child but that doesn't mean that I do. I might be smiling serenely as my 5 year old kicks and screams at me but believe me inside I am crying. There is no parent out there who haven't at least once wanted to scream because of their child's behaviour

But Neomaxi - I would never eat the whole packet in front of them Like I said, I eat one.

Hey ho, it seems to be working for me. Moshi monsters is a good one too - although a bit more expensive! I prefer to eat sweeties

Just learn to ignore everyone else-it comes with practice time

I have SO been that Mum too.

DS2 (age 3) backwards over one shoulder whilst pushing a pushchair with DD2 (1) in it as he threw the most amazing tantrum you ever did see. Went for it and then some..screams, kicking, slapping, accompanied by at-the-top-of-his-voice wailing "You're a mean Mummy!" and "help! help!"

Oh the looks I got from the holier than thou brigade in the park..especially when I unceremoniously hoisted him sack of potatoes style over my shoulder mid strop with a blatantly had enough "That's IT, young man!"

Fixed a wry grin and mentally repeated wait til I get you home you little horror "whooo saaaah" for the half mile walk home.

^^
Just one of many, many examples

Thank you all, yesterday was a bad day.

I am glad that I am not the only one.

I am on tablets for depression and every now and again I do feel this, I don't know where to go 1/2 time.