To not be at all keen on this idea?

[Wheelsonthepram]

NCing regular in case this outs me!

This may be a bit long but I want to give as much info as possible! We live in a 3-bed house (1 double, 1 single and a box room). We have DS, 19mo, and DC2 due in December. DH's family live dotted around the country. In the 12 years we've been together, we've heard from one aunt sporadically (think phone call twice a year and a card at Christmas), another aunt even less (no calls ever, no cards at Christmas or when DS was born, we do send cards to her) and an uncle rarely - uncle is a bit of a hippy globetrotter who is perfectly happy sleeping on the sofa on his very rare (5/6 in 12 years) short-notice visits. DFIL visits maybe 3 or 4 times a year and stays either in his camper van or with DSIL in a nearby town.

At present, we have the double room, DS has his cotbed in the single, and the box room is a study. There's a futon in DS's room which we brought with us from a previous, bigger house, but not enough floor space to actually fold it out IYSWIM. When DC2 arrives and reaches the right age to be in his/her own room, I'd like to convert the study into a nursery, moving the cotbed in there and buying DS a big boy bed. DH is adamant he wants to use the study as a spare room, and put 6mo DC 2 in with DS - have the cot bed and a set of bunk beds (with DS in bottom bunk until DC2 moves out of cot bed, then he moves up). He's spoken to no-one who's put kids of a similar age in together, and thinks his relatives will visit more if we have somewhere for them to sleep. He also thinks more friends will visit if we have a spare room - no friends visit, ever and we only have one set that don't live in the same city anyway.

Which of us is BU, as neither of us is budging! I've said to DH if he investigates a bit more about the potential pros/cons of 2 young DCs in the same room I might be willing to discuss it further, but his entire argument is 'we always had a spare room growing up, I want one. '

PS - I know in the grand scheme of things this is petty so please don't point this out! I know people have worse problems, etc. etc. but this is what's bothering me right now!

I'd probably go for the sleep room/play room option as well. But to keep the room mostly unused seems silly so YANBU - especially with the sulking and stomping off out behaviour thrown in.

Because he's simply 'MORTIFIED' at having to ask imaginary guests to stay in a hotel, as his parents always had a spare room available. He thinks it's the very height of rudeness to expect visitors to stay in one of the many nearby hotels. PIL, however, had very regular visitors including both their parents and many friends. We just don't, and with the exception of DFIL, who brings his own accommodation anyway, the potential guests have made very little effort to be involved in our lives and I don't see why we should arrange our home and family around them.

I can understand the idea of a spare room if you had very regular visitors, but as you don't it seems like a waste.

Would a double bed even fit in to accommodate couples anyway?

My two have always had separate bedrooms, partly because they sometimes need some space from one another, and it works for us.

Makes more sense to me to put DC2 into boxroom, get bunks for single anyway so children can share if visitors do need to stay, and put a single (or single plus stowaway) in boxroom once DC2 outgrows cot.

That sounded rude to DH's extended family - I like them all and enjoy spending time with them on the few occasions it's happened, but they just aren't a regular feature in our lives.

If he's that bothered about putting up guests, you could always get a sofa bed for you to sleep on in the front room, and let guests have your room.

Inertia, giving up my bed for visitors is just something I will never, ever do. Ever. I think we'd get a double in the box room, or at least a queen, but there'd literally be no room for anything else and you'd have to open the door and crawl onto the bed!

What is in the study at the moment? When DD2 was born we turned the study into a nursery and moved the printer, laptop, filing cabinet etc into the dining room. The problem was then the dining room felt too cramped and full.

We eventually gave the girls the biggest room to share, we have the second biggest room (it just fits a bed and a wardrobe!) and the 'spare room' is mainly used for storage and drying washing, with a tiny desk in the corner. They have shared since DD2 was about 1 and they love it now.

We had a spare room for years, and dd1 and dd2 shared, ds has a room to himself. We rarely had people to stay, but it was nice to have a spare room when they did.

this year, however, dd1 started making noises about wanting her own room. DH and I moved into the spare room (downstairs), so the 3 of them could have the upstairs rooms. If we do have guests, we will move up to dd's room, and dd1 will go in with dd2 for the night, so the guests can have our room. I'm actually a bit annoyed with myself for leaving that room unused for so long!! It ended up becoming a dumping ground- the nightmare was trying to find places for all the stuff that had come to live there!!

We have a 3-bed house and two small DSs who will eventually share as soon as DS2 stops bloody howling in the wee hours. The reason we have 3 beds is expressly so family can come and visit. Having said that, DS2 is currently in Bedroom 3 in the travel cot (we put a mattress in it) and we move him into our room when visitors come to stay. Simples.

Bedroom 3 is not huge but we've got a futon sofa in there along with the travel cot. It's fine as long as you don't mind zero floor space!

What I'm saying is that maybe you can agree that Bedroom 3 is indeed a spare room, but DC2 kips in it when there aren't visitors so that's forever then

There's a desk, a bookcase and a chair in there at present, no issue with this stuff going to live in the loft/garage as it's never used. Us moving out of our room isn't an option that's been discussed, as we have a beautiful humongous bed which neither of us would consider giving up - it literally wouldn't fit in either of the other rooms! I like the idea of getting DS a single with a slide-out underneath and him coming in with us if someone wants to stay. I think this is a reasonable compromise but DH is refusing to listen.

DCs have a room each, sofa bed in the living room for guests.

Or DCs have a room each, for the DC in the biggest bedroom, you buy one of those beds with a pull out bit underneath that turns it into a double bed, then have an airbed for that DC to sleep either on the floor in their sibling's room or on the floor in your room.

These solutions are fine for one or two nights, ask DH how often does he think people will be staying for more than 3 nights. If it's unlikely to happen before DC2 is out of the cotbed, then you review then when you buy a new big boy/girl bed for them.

BTW - PIL for years had a spare room that was used once a year for one night. they've finally turned it into a study rather than having FIL spreading papers all over the dining table.

I would prefer to stay in a hotel!

I don't understand your dh's point of view. Why should relatives who make no effort with you be given a room in your house instead of your kids?

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with kids sharing. I just think its weird to have an ornamental spare room and two kids in what sounds like quite a small space.

Thanks all for your input and experiences - I'm taking to my bed before I'm actually forced to murder this ridiculous fucking manchild. I love him and he's usually a great husband and father, but tonight he's being an infuriating immature twat and if I'm still sitting downstairs when he comes in from smoking in the garden (which I'm sure he's only doing to wind me up as the smell of smoke makes me retch at the minute - he doesn't often smoke) then I won't be held responsible for what the pregnancy hormones might make me do!

I will return to the thread in the morning, if anyone has anything useful to add please do!

Ask your DH whether he always had a spare room growing up in addition to separate bedrooms for the kids (assuming he's not an only child). Did his parents put all their children in one room to liberate a spare room? Did his parents have more regular visitors because of the spare room or because they had people who wanted to see them?

All else fails, agree to putting them together for a year, and see how much that spare room is used. Hopefully by then the DC will have taken ir over completely anyway...

We live in a four bedroomed house. Our two dc want to share a room. So they do. And since they have shared, dc2 (who is 2) sleeps much much better. Touchwood. Not one to tempt fate.

Oh god, is this some class/wealth thing? Like having a whole extra room spare for guests somehow shows off?

My DC liked sharing. I'd be tempted to have them share, and have a spare room. Somewhere to stick all the laundry! And to sneak off to and read a book in peace and quiet.

Kids aren't meant to go on a top bunk until they're 6 yo. So by the time DC2 is in a bed, would DC1 be old enough for the top bunk?

I would love our DCs to share. And DC1 has asked to share since DC2 was born. Unfortunately at 11months old the baby still wakes multiple times a night! DC1 now sleeps 7-7. It used to be a 5am waking until turning 2yo.

Once the baby is sleeping through and waking at a reasonable time, they can share. I'm expecting once DC2 is 2.5yo.

Can't you just tell your dh that you'll think about rooms when your new baby is ready to move out of your bedroom. It sounds like that is a year off, so I'd just refuse to talk about it until then. It's not the sort of thing you can really decide in advance anyway, too many variables I think. In the meantime you could always buy a bed for your study and see if anyone suddenly decides to visit.

Stunt girl not on my part no. Not sure which post on the thread has implied that to you? Personally I'd love to be fortunate enough to have a second dc to sleep in that room. Equally at this point in life I'd also love to have my parents close enough so I could see them more regularly.

OP if your DH is generally a nice person then there must be some emotional reason for him to be acting like this. You seem intent on stamping your feet over this though. Are all your family close by? I often feel my dh has no concept of how it feels to be miles apart as the whole of his family are within a 15min drive away. I'd imagine your dh will cave at some point, I probably will when ds is older. As a previous poster said its not a decision you have to make now so is it worth all the anger and arguing?

I think stuntgirl might have a point regarding the OP's DH, actually. Some people insist on having just what their parents had because that's the 'right way' and it's very very hard to persuade them otherwise.

Alternatively the infrequency of family visits may be bothering him far more than he lets on and this is his irrational way of trying to show it.

yes, I'd ask if he had his own bedroom and the spare room was just that.

Really, if you've never had anyone stay more than 3 nights while you've had a spare room, it's unlikely they are going to want to now, so for one or two nights, you can just get older DC one of those pull out underbeds that turns it into a double and get an airbed so DC can sleep on yours or their sibling's floor for the one or two nights people visit.

Suggest this could be a tempory solution for the next 3-4 years, that doesn't inconvience the DCs too much while they are young and likely to be light sleeps, so no share well, while still giving you space for the occasional guest, but in the meantime, you'll also save for a loft conversion, which can be the perminate study/playroom/guestroom - but obviously that'll take a few years of saving to pay for.

Another way to look at it, when was the last time you went and stayed over at someone else's house that wasn't either yours or your DH's parents? (assuming parents would be more than happy with the DCs bunking up just for the length of their visit and sleeping in a room decorated for DCs not for guests). How many of your friends with more than 1 DC have guest rooms?

It's less of a norm now for middle class people as housing is so much more expensive compared to our parent's generation, being able to afford a house that's bigger than your immediate needs to cater for occasional guests is really the reserve of the wealthy and the older generation (who've had DCs move out, freeing up the space).

We have 4 dc in one room. Your Dh is being a little U. There is no reason why you couldn't have the dc sleeping in separate rooms, one of those beds with a pull out to make it a double for your eldest. Then when people come to stay, eldest has a 'sleep over' with your youngest and your guests have a double bed to sleep on.

My parents did this when my sister and I were small. My grandma used to stay fairly regularly so she had my room and I would 'room in' on a chair bed with my sister in the small bedroom for the duration.